epeemom's Xanga

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Thu, 15 May 2008 15:34:39 GMT

I went for a walk today. I've had as a goal the camp up the road- and by up, I mean incline all the way. I decided to take some of your recommendations to heart. I took my time, did not start off quickly and sang when I felt it was useless to continue to walk as I was short of breath and feeling the full heft of my weight. I am grateful to report that there is no pain, still and for that I am grateful. I made it up the road to the camp and back for a full eight tenths of a mile. I even sang a little as I walked along, making up a song about myself that praised my accomplishment.

I've felt lonely today. The dogs are good enough companions, but I am alone and finding myself not very good at it. So I've done the sensible thing and put a chocolate cake into bake. John Stewart and Stephen Colbert are only good company for one half hour each and then a girl has to do something. So, I'm baking a cake. Next I'll need to give some of it away. I'm sure I can find someone.

Singing while I was walking helped me to continue with the walk. It made some of the scariness of the forest around me subside. The forest was all dark greens and damp this afternoon, the rain making it all seem so very solemn. Here and there I heard some movement deep in the wood. I don't know what made the sound, but my inner five year old found great solace in the singing of my song. I don't know if the devas heard me, but my heart did and that was enough.

Blessings abound

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Sun, 11 May 2008 12:10:22 GMT

I went for my walk again today. I noticed that I tend to watch the ground under my feet. As I walk, I tend to look at that everchanging area of ground wedged between strides.

When I turn my attention away, I find things to look at: new blooms, the river, pine trees. When my attention is attracted to something, my inclination is to cease movement and study the object of fascination. I want to register it and really know it. Something I don't feel I can do when I am moving.

The other matter that occurs when I walk is the chatter in my head. Sometimes there's nothing and I am open and receptive to the life around me. Other times I am hearing things like,"I am training to be a healthy and fit person." Less frequently I hear some derogatory statements. I will spare us all the onslaught of those unwelcome but persistent visitors to my mind.

Happy Mother's Day.
Blessings abound

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Sat, 10 May 2008 10:30:26 GMT

Now that I'm recovering, I'm walking more. Which puts me smack up against the fact that I am not good at walking for the sake of walking. I appreciate the fact that I can walk now without pain- a very good thing to be celebrated and nurtured. I walk in the evenings with Erik. He likes the two of us walking together. I'm getting so that I like it better than I used to.

Talking with Erik on these walks is also somewhat interesting. I remarked last night as we walked that I was fat. His response? " Of course you are. You haven't moved in four years." His tendency to exaggeration is always fun to hear. I suspect in this case he may be more right than wrong. I haven't fenced much in the last four years. And the back issue crept up over that time. The last year was the worst of it in terms of difficulty moving and pain.

Today I put on some clothes that were a little more tailored. Just some capris and a shirt, but not as roomy as my sweats. I came to the realization that my ass is ginormous. I know the measurements from my brace fitting. Somehow, I can't seem to convert them into a meaning that motivates me to walk more. And despite the fact that my last two or three blogs have contained references to cake, I am eating better. There's no scale in the house to measure myself with. But if I go by how I feel and the increasing distance when I walk, I can see I have improved my exercise tolerance.

One thing I know for sure, I want to move more. The desire to move is strong and for this I am grateful. The trick is to quiet my mind while I walk so I can ignore the part of me that says walking is boring. Practice, practice, practice.

Blessings abound

Friday, May 09, 2008

Fri, 09 May 2008 13:13:37 GMT

I've picked rhubarb and made a simple cake with it. Hard to do the squatting, still not supposed to bend over. So I don't.
I took a shower by myself today. Good thing I live out in the woods. I could air dry out on the back deck. Delicious.
The sun is shining and the air is fresh. The other night Erik planted onions and radishes in the garden for me. The night before that we planted Bibb lettuce. Or rather, he planted and I watched. Which just goes to show he'll do anything to make me happy. He's even learned how to use the cell phone and calls me in the afternoon on his lunch break to say,"hi".
LoraboraLabradora has been swimming in the frog pond. Right now she's sacked out on the couch in a big stretch. Did I mention the dog snores?
Blessings abound

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Tue, 06 May 2008 11:06:58 GMT

I made the chocolate cake with the chocolate frosting.
There was a pot of darjeeling tea.
There was a quart of milk.
It was delicious.
Blessings abound

Monday, May 05, 2008

Mon, 05 May 2008 13:08:14 GMT

If I made a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting would you come and eat it with me?
Just wondering. Blessings abound

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Sun, 04 May 2008 13:01:00 GMT

There is no need to adjust your ears. I'm whining. Why? Because I'm bored. I'm not so well that I can do whatever I want. But I'm well enough to be able to focus on the things I can't do. Like stack wood with my husband. We had two cord of mixed hardwoods plunked into our driveway by Mr. Thompson on Friday. So last years wood needs to come forward in the wood shed and then this year's wood needs to go in the back to season for a bit. My spouse is perfectly capable of doing the work, but it would be nice to do it together. Very companionable. I'll get to see him at 1330 for his tea break.

I've got my rug hooking out. Actually, Boy Wonder removed it from the closet. I need a bigger hook for one old project. I'm working with a finer hook for a rooster on burlap. I bought the pattern about two years ago at a time when I had leant my frame to a friend. The frame came back and I didn't really get back into the rug hooking with the knitting I was doing. The problem with a boughten project is that it's not my design and so I become easily bored with the process of making it come together. And while I'm working on this rooster with the color chart, the hypercritical me is not liking the loop shapes or heights. I really need to go out and walk and let go of uberBitch in my head. Maybe after it stops raining.

Erik has promised me we'll put peas in the garden some night this week. Using a hoe right now is on the don't even think of it list. Meanwhile, chives are up and some sage from last year is preserved in the herb bed. Perhaps I'll make a salad tonight and add the fresh chives to it. Anything to snatch some of that spring energy for myself.

OK- enough whining. Blessings abound

Friday, May 02, 2008

Fri, 02 May 2008 10:31:49 GMT

I've reached the point in my recovery where I have more energy than I need for the day's activities. I spent a big chunk of time yesterday out in the yard. I wanted a bouquet of daffodils. I had to do a lot of squatting to pick that bouquet. Bending over is strictly verboten. It took a lot of effort to squat and not bend forward at the waist. For my effort I have daffodils and forsythia gracing the kitchen table.

I'd like to do some rug hooking, but my supplies are in the closet and with a five to ten pound lifting limit I can't get at them. Perhaps Boy Wonder will oblige and free my hooking supplies this weekend. He's coming to visit while Erik is at work. That will help pass the time more smoothly. I think I may drag my knitting out and play with that for a while. After I've gone for a walk to get the kinks out of my backside.

The biggest blessing is the absence of pain. For this I am truly grateful. Blessings abound

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 11:08:13 GMT

I'm still on recovery's trail. Yesterday I had my first post operative visit with the doctor. He seems pleased. I've had no more trials with poop toe. Fortunately, I seem to have become a Master of the tongs.

After my doctor's visit yesterday, Ceredwyn and I had lunch in Rutland and then I bought some nightgowns at KMart. Then it was off to the co-op in Middlebury. Five hours of out and up have left me feeling tired and drained. Today will definitely be low key.

The boys and I had a great visit on Saturday. It was nice to have their energy around. The rest of the weekend the spent with their father. He's holding his own, but is still in Surgical Intensive Care. He's not having an easy time of it.

That's all for now. I'm too tired to write any more. Blessings abound

Friday, April 25, 2008

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:16:23 GMT

How glorious is the sunshine in which I currently bathe. The main physical therapy for this surgery is walking. As much as I can manage. I'm not quite feeling sturdy enough to tackle a longer walk on the road on my own.When companionship makes itself available, up the road we amble. Pauline came by this morning and we took a walk, my longest one yet. It's probably a total of two tenth's of a mile total. It's more than I could do preoperatively without those gawd awful cramps in my legs. Usually in the evening I walk with Erik. Today I will have two walks and this is a very good thing.

My pain is minimal, especially compared with what I experienced preoperatively. I still am taking a narcotic. I can have it every four hours as I need it, but I'm taking it two to three times per day and that seems to manage the discomfort quite smartly. This is a pleasing thing.

One of my nurse friends gave me a lecture because I stopped wearing my compression hose. Today I pulled them back on with the assistance of the sock putter on her. Much easier than I thought it would be.

Taking care of hygienic concerns particularly after I move my bowels is challenging. OK, I know that's TMI. The hospital sent me home with a pair of barbecue tongs with the plastic coated rectangles at the bottom tilted perpendicular to the handles. The Chief bought me special wipes ( read baby department) and it's and interesting bit of wrangling to position the tongs appropriately as my mission to twist nor turn is my utmost priority. Add in an elevated toilet seat and I might as well be playing Twister. Yesterday I managed to drop a used wipe on the floor of the bathroom. In an attempt to place the paper within range of my grabber- reacher extender thingy, I nudged something with my toe. The something had recently dropped out of my and smeared on my toe. I managed to wipe most of my toe off by dropping a baby wipe on the floor and cleaning floor and foot. However, I found the new disease Poop Toe somewhat distressing. As I was the only one here and forbidden to bend over to give my foot a thorough wash, I put a pair of socks on and waited patiently for spouse to come home and wash my toe.
It was the highlight of my day.

Other than that, there's not much going on save the steady work of mending my body. Thanks for all your well wishes. Tomorrow both boys will be here. Beloved Firstborn is coming home. Boy Wonder will bring him down to see me. Thier father is in the hospital since last Saturday with a repair to his torn aorta. Pretty serious surgery. He's still in Intensive Care at FAHC. I feel for him and his wife. This is not an easy thing for them to be going through. Boy Wonder has spent quite a bit of time with his dad. I've told both boys that if they want to spend more time with thier father, than I understand. They both say they want some time with me also, so they will come here this evening. BF's plane is timed to come in at 10:30. I don't know if they'll go to see their dad first before coming down here for a visit. I'll find out soon enough. I've been keeping their father in my prayer's- he doesn't deserve to be going through this.

Time for a nap. Blessings abound