I read this and related...Sorry it's been so long. It's definately worth reading.
I’ve been in the throes of a personal crisis, that’s why I’ve stopped working and put off writing for several weeks now. It all started when I realized that the people who are supposed to read my writing aren’t the ones I’m trained to address, and those I feel inspired to help may not need it.
You see, I always imagined it was my “calling” to write and serve for the betterment of society. My reviews have noted the good work and creative writing I did for “betterment,” which included informing, encouraging and empowering through education. We also presupposed that the better educated I was, the better I would be able to change the world. This was confirmed at my previous job when my supervisor noted, “you’re in the wrong job, you’re a better writer.”
Writing and serving wouldn’t be difficult if my audience was only people like myself – analytical gadflies, members of the helping professions, experts - people determined to make the world a better place. Yet we’ve also assumed the society to be addressed and bettered through our program includes the working poor, teen mothers, incarcerated fathers, drug dealers, gang bangers, crack-whores, wanna-be’s, wetbacks and welfare moms.
Living and working in the inner city, these are the kind of people that walk past my door and work my street - people that us experts, I’m starting to realize, have mis-categorized as “under-privileged,” or opportunistically labeled “high-risk.”
Dear me. I have this problem, and its safe to say part of it’s genetic - privilege. I got if from parents, who were raised in the middle class. Concern about the effects of my own privilege metastasized when I heard that the primary determinant of social class is educational achievement. For me, that’s 12 years at a small Christian school, 4 years in a private liberal arts college and 2 years of graduate study. Anxiety began crumbling our program’s logic model as I realized that the more I educated myself to be a better “betterer,” the further socially removed I become from those I want to better. The years of preparation have only set me up to write past the audience I’m supposed to reach.
This realization was the tipping point. I can’t even know whether the “underprivileged” and “high-risk” need my helping profession or want to read what I’ve written (i.e. this essay). They may not even believe the presupposition (faulty assumption; lie?) that we’re supposed to make a difference in this world. This assumption is why we help and write in the first place. But the education we preach and privilege we inhabit neutralize our ability to verify this assumption with those we’re making it about.
I've always presupposed what they need, read, believe, and even, their very identity through the language of labeling and categorizing. This language is established in education and reinforced through writing. Education is the currency of privilege; the language of labeling bolts the privileged superstructure to society. We’ve never lived without privilege, nor can we communicate without labeling.
We and our clients speak different languages because we live different realities, and vice versa. I want to talk about progress and improvement, yet the poor (I guess) are worried about survival. I was socialized to work hard and succeed so that I might save someone and influence society; “high-risk” individuals (I think) are educated through deprivation and difficulty in the knowledge of community, and they’ve found that community takes care of you, regardless.
But this is exactly what I’ve always wanted to live out and write about - building community, making a difference, which is why I’m submitting my letter of resignation. I’m resigned to privilege and I recognize it. I’m fluent in the language of education and I hear it. The first step to healing, so they say, is to admit I have the problem, and I do.
Now that I’ve come clean, I’m going to start listening and living and playing and kickin’ it with “them” instead of victimizing ‘em with drive-by altruism. I’m hoping to learn their “language” by submitting to their reality. I’m gonna try ‘an be open to community instead of just “talking louder” when I’m misunderstood. I’m gonna stop wonderin’ why they can’t just “make it on their own” and start wishin’ I had friends like theirs.
My resignation is effective immediately. I know it’s short notice, but I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone to replace me, just advertise like you did the first time:
Help wanted - self starter; able to work independently; maintains appropriate client boundaries while initiating projects and programs to help our clientele achieve success and...
