| New Xangathis one broke :[
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| okay anyways. i went to the doctors. turns out...
i didnt have anything.
agh. i was so ready to have some weird thing.. like diabetes or
something. cancer.. i think i actually started to want it. because
having a disease meant that i wasnt sapossed to live. which gives me a
reason for living. so my reason to die would also be my reason for living.
well yea. i guess im a little upset. im okay tho. and i had to go to
that shitty ass doctor in long beach that made me wait for a fucking
hour last time because i didnt have an adult with me and children dont
need the fucking same respect as adults because we have all the time in
the fucking world dont we. whatever.
so yea. and plus i had the same fucking doctor. i swear she molested me
last time!! and when she saw me she was like.. JACKIE! its sooooo nice
to see you againn!!! :D BITCHHHH GET AWAY FROM MEEE!! and
she was all trying to shake my hand and shit.. ughhhh.. get awayy.. and
then we were talking about me being sick and stuff and then out of no
where she was like.. "do you think me and jackie could have a few words alone? itll only take a minute"
ONLY A MINUTE TO RAPE MEEE?!??!?! and i was like.. HOLY SHITTTT!!
and then my mom had to leave and i started panicing.. god dammit. and
then she was like.. asking me questions about my mood and stuff. and
yea.. she is one stupid bitch she said that my mood is causing my fatigue and shortness of breath and faiting and dizziness and crap and i was like.. bittchh whatchu talkin bout?! i
dunno. shes crazy. but after that appointment i got really moody and
sad. i get really touchy when my doctors talk about depression.. becaus
ei want to tell them so bad that i feel shitty and like dying all the
time but if i tell them then my mom will get mad at me or try to spend
time with me or something. and i dont want that... so i jsut tell them
that im happy all the time and i couldnt be better and then i start to
tear up because iw ant to tell them so much that i want to die. but i
cant.. ugh. i really dont feel well at all. and i think that
bitch doctor was lying to me. they didnt even know what i was there
for. sheesh. and shes like.. oh dont worry you dont have athritis! you
jus thave weak muscless! weak enough for you to rape mee?!?!?!
she scared the hell out of me... well yea.. i started crying when my
mom took me to some place.. called.. coffee bean or something. i dunno.
i guess i was so depending on that disease to be my reason to live.
that i gave up all hope of other reasons...
i am the main peice of the puzzle, but i don't seem to fit..
Later Edit
okay.. sooo uhhh.. i got
really bored. haha and i decided to take some pictures earlier. :T so
yea. whatever. that not that great but its okay :]
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okay guys.. uhhh.. i went to the doctors yesturday because lately i
havent been feeling well... :T its just like.. im tired all the time
and im having trouble breathing.. and yea. i get dizzy alot. all this
fun stuff.. anyways. they took a blood test and the results came in
today. but my doctor demanded that i make an appointment to go see her
because she wants to talk about something they found in my blood that
they didnt want to discuss over the phone. and pluss they said i was
"depressed" so i have to take anti depressants or something. i dunno.
but anyways... yea. i have to wait till monday to find out what the
fuck is wrong with me. honestly im not that afraid... im just.. sad.. i
guess.. .what if something happens. and then i cant be with my friends
anymore. i could care less about myself.. its my friends im worried
about 
and this is making me really depressed because i dont wanna leave my
friends behind even if i have to. haha ill leave my spirit behind and
haunt some house like the grudge :] haha and i could just chill in the
attic all day. but that would be kinda boring unless i had some other
dead body mates to play with... eh. what am i saying. what if its not
even that serious and im making this big deal about it..
gosh jackie. pull yourself together
mann! im sure its not serious at all. and the doctors just being an
asshole. haha maybe its like. a piece of cheese or something. yes :]
they found cheese in me blooood! muhahaha. well okay.. maybe i am a
little scared.. but thats because i dont know where im going.. what
will happen to me?.. will i just dissapear?.. will my memory fade
away?.. will they forget about me?...
sometimes i think about death.. just wondering wahts on the other side
of this life.. is it another one jsut waiting for us to drop into?..
agh. my eyes are getting watery. if
i could have one wish right now.. i dont think id wish not to be
sick... i think id be fine being sick... i just dont want my friends
hurt. not like they would care for that long. probably just sit for a
day. thiking about what happened.. and the next day. theyd be okay to
go out and have fun again... hah.
i cant really see the screen anymore.. so i guess.. this is.. goodbye?..
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| Happy birthday you selfish whore. ungreatful loser. unsophisticated brat. distasteful wretch. uncared for slut.
ugh... haha got that over with :] anyways. yes. yesturday was fun
:] my closest frieends came over. well.. except 2 people. and brittany.
it was a bit unexpected.. haha but it was fun. they got me all this fun
stuff we could play with :] and we mostly played kingdom hearts 2
.. cuz were bums like that. hahaha it was fun though. most fun ive had
in a while i guess. grawr. anyways. something weirds been going on. and
i havent really noticed.
ive stolen peoples hearts. apparently
gone and run away with them and never given them back. breaking them
almost. and i havent even noticed. what the hell? haha i dont know. but
apparently ive been the "perfect one" for alot of people. the only
thing holding them back is:
- i dont like them that way.
- they live like.. 23472385892579847975 miles away.
- they have someone else that they dont know what to do with.
- they think they might be bi.
- they dont think theyre good enough.
- theyre with one of my friends.
ehhh.. i dont try to do anything. it just.. happens. grawrg. and this is why i cant keep friends. haha... eh. whatever.
i think im a bad person.... :T
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| hey guys :]
okay yessss... haha
- kingdom hearts 2? addicted.
- english homework. unfinished. unstarted.
- depression level. raised.
:T ive been eating yummy junkfoods all week so i could have time to
play games. cuz i need it quick and easy. rawrrrg.. unhealthy againnn
:T not doing my homework eitherrr.. this is baddd... haha my english i-search report is
ganna be due soon.... and and and i havent started. theres like a whole
packet worth of fun stuff and i havent done any of it. we started alst
week and its due next week. its worth like.. most of our grade. 200
points?!?!?!?!  i have to get startedd... D: but i dont want tooooooooo!!!!
gosh. stupid... ENGLISH! i hate that class. my teacher doesnt do anything but talk the whole freakin period about NOTHING. ugh. faggot..
haha just keeeding :] so i went to judds piano
performance at his open house yesturday. i was proud :] but it
was a verry bad day..
i got in a fight with my mom again. although that day she did buy me a
car................... okay. i cant even drive yet.. soooo.. WTF? although
thats pretty awesome. i cant get a permit till next year....
annnnndd... even if i could drive she wouldnt let me go anywhere
anyway.. :T stinky. oh well. well yea. i got a 4runner. not something im toooo excited about.. i mean. thats my brothers car. and if i dont want the 4runner i get a camry. yuck.
thats my sisters car. and its silver! i hate silver carrsss... haha
well sure if its a nice convertable thats okay. but whatever. i think
hard top silver cars are ugly :T so i get a green 4runner... whatever.
atleast i have a car.. but the cars more for my mom than for me.. selfish thinking. whatever.
peeeeeeaaaaaasssss yo :]
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i guess i have to say i like this one the most.. because.. it looks a
bit magical? haha i dunno :] but i like it. well yea. there were some
more i took a while ago. but bleh. i couldnt get em on so whatever.. oh
and i made a new defualt one :T that ones okay i guess.. but bleh.
wahtever. 
