agh. i was so ready to have some weird thing.. like diabetes or something. cancer.. i think i actually started to want it. because having a disease meant that i wasnt sapossed to live. which gives me a reason for living. so my reason to die would also be my reason for living. well yea. i guess im a little upset. im okay tho. and i had to go to that shitty ass doctor in long beach that made me wait for a fucking hour last time because i didnt have an adult with me and children dont need the fucking same respect as adults because we have all the time in the fucking world dont we. whatever. so yea. and plus i had the same fucking doctor. i swear she molested me last time!! and when she saw me she was like.. JACKIE! its sooooo nice to see you againn!!! :D BITCHHHH GET AWAY FROM MEEE!! and she was all trying to shake my hand and shit.. ughhhh.. get awayy.. and then we were talking about me being sick and stuff and then out of no where she was like.. "do you think me and jackie could have a few words alone? itll only take a minute" ONLY A MINUTE TO RAPE MEEE?!??!?! and i was like.. HOLY SHITTTT!! and then my mom had to leave and i started panicing.. god dammit. and then she was like.. asking me questions about my mood and stuff. and yea.. she is one stupid bitch she said that my mood is causing my fatigue and shortness of breath and faiting and dizziness and crap and i was like.. bittchh whatchu talkin bout?! i dunno. shes crazy. but after that appointment i got really moody and sad. i get really touchy when my doctors talk about depression.. becaus ei want to tell them so bad that i feel shitty and like dying all the time but if i tell them then my mom will get mad at me or try to spend time with me or something. and i dont want that... so i jsut tell them that im happy all the time and i couldnt be better and then i start to tear up because iw ant to tell them so much that i want to die. but i cant.. ugh. i really dont feel well at all. and i think that bitch doctor was lying to me. they didnt even know what i was there for. sheesh. and shes like.. oh dont worry you dont have athritis! you jus thave weak muscless! weak enough for you to rape mee?!?!?! she scared the hell out of me... well yea.. i started crying when my mom took me to some place.. called.. coffee bean or something. i dunno. i guess i was so depending on that disease to be my reason to live. that i gave up all hope of other reasons...

i guess i have to say i like this one the most.. because.. it looks a bit magical? haha i dunno :] but i like it. well yea. there were some more i took a while ago. but bleh. i couldnt get em on so whatever.. oh and i made a new defualt one :T that ones okay i guess.. but bleh. wahtever.