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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| Why does this hurt so much? I feel like I've ruined it. She's never going to trust me ever again. She's going to start treating me like Meme and Mom and always be paranoid around me. I'm such a screw-up. It's never going to be the same. I try to do good and just end up making things worse. I need to just stop trying so freaking hard to please everyone and give up on it. Everything I've built has come crumbling down and I have no one to talk to about it. No one understands and no one sees my side. I wish one of the bricks would just fall on my head and knock me out so I wouldn't have to deal with it. I thought I was right but turns out I'm just a liar.
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| He Sits on a Throne of LIES!"Close your eyes and hold out your hands."
I did what he said and let out an excited squeal.
"Be careful, or you'll scare it."
For a split second I got excited and thought that he had brought home a precious puppy.
Something touched my hands and he said, "open them."
I had been duped. In his hands was not a wiggly little puppy with a huge bow on their head, but a green "decorative ball" from Target.
A really awesome gift, but NOT A PUPPY.
Now he keeps saying, "be careful or you'll scare it." And everytime I hear a noise and ask, "what was that?" he says, "oh it's probably the puppy." He'll get what's coming to him.
Anyway, I can't believe I haven't updated in over two months. Maybe because I bought an actual journal and have been writing in that. I guess I'm scared of writing what I really think.
Also, I'm really excited about Christmas this year. It's me and Matt's first one as an actual married couple. I hope we get one of those "First Christmas" ornaments! Yeah, ever since I got married I've found that I'm more sentimental. Corny things just don't seem that corny anymore. It's weird.
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| I don't know what my deal is but I want a puppy. Maybe I've been going to cuteoverload.com too much. I just want a puppy, it doesn't even have to be a chihuahua. I went to the mall today to get my hair cut (it looks fabulous by the way) and they had some pets up for adoption and I practically died they were so cute. I'm lonely during the day, and I really miss our cat Piddles. (We didn't take her with us to our new apartment because there is no place for the litterbox- and Matt didn't like my suggestion of putting it in the empty fireplace.)
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| I took a test on OK Cupid (yes, I'm bored) and it turns out, I'm a totalitarian. Whoda thunk it?
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| It's been a while...
I don't know why I don't write in here anymore. I have ideas. Things pop in my head throughout the day, when I'm showering, driving, folding clothes (bleh), cooking, and drifting off (or trying to) to sleep.
I did something awful yesterday. I was mad at Matt for something and decided to take revenge out on him. I barely even thought it through, but suddenly I felt like making him feel like I had the other day. Well it really upset him and he wouldn't even talk to me. He rarely gets that mad. But we talked it through and eventually reached an agreement.
After the arguement, he said our nightly prayers. I could not stop crying while he was praying. He actually thanked God for me, and for our marriage, and for the fights that make us stronger. I felt so unworthy of being his wife.
He truly is better than me.
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