I once had a dream about playing a game of catch with my imaginary son, Patrick.  What I learned from the dream is:
Patrick has a strong arm but no sense of control.
Wiffle balls are more suited for playing catch with little children who have no concept of depth or height.
I am getting old having dreams about children...in particular..."MY" IMAGINARY children.

Why hello. How are you today? I'm doing especially well. Thank you for asking. Not a problem.

The other day I was given the opportunity to take claim in my job. It was an opportunity to take pride in the work I do. I micromanage people in a retail store so that the larger picture of "benefit" aka profit is accomplished. Now to be fair in this portrayal, I work in the retail aspect of a non-profit organization. I sit ackwardly at my desk everyday thinking about the odd juxtaposition of my work and the organization's mission statement. I describe my job as "creating capital by exploiting your hunger for consumerism for the greater good" which sounds a lot like the president's justification for using violence to keep the peace. So besides the methodology of it all, I can say that my job is largely unsatisfying because I'm doing work I am capable of but not challenging me in a manner that my heart wants to be challenged. I mean no one imagines themselves loving work, but there is an aspect of work that should be a result for the love of the job. Ever heard of a "labor of love"? Last night I was thinking about the subconscious desire for a life goal. I used to be a firm believer that one should follow the first career path you wanted to be as a child. But I found that maaaaybe...I have to revise that plan. I mean how many little girls wanted to be princesses later in their lives? My love of being a superhero/ghostbuster pretty doubtful b/c I don't have super powers or a cool ghostbuster gun. Now I still have my day dreams about rescuing a child from being crushed by an out of control speeding car, but reality brings me back. But I do feel that we all have a certain degree of foolish hope we have to "fess" up to. We have to find that lowest common denometer about what would makes us truly happy in life. Our choices are pretty bleak in terms of success rate, but what choice do we have? Its either walking down this rocky road of unforseeable failure and obstacles or secretly hoping that kids forget to check both ways.

someone close to me made a comment on my personal sense of materialism. They mentioned how simple possessions directly changed my satisfaction/mood.  Since this observation was voiced, I have become very aware of my "need"/want for worldly things.  I can concede that I am...materialistic.  This does not mean I desire gold, namebrands, or items for the mere pleasure of having the "best", but it does reflect how a palpable inanimate object can placate my demeanor such as an infant with his blankie.  I was curious to see if my need for material goods was one that was ever...satisfied or if my desire for things was a perpetual hunger for something.   I wondered about if this exploration into wanting was even warranted or just a waste of my time.  Questions like, "Do humans benefit or degrade from a possessional pursuit?" or "Are we nurtured to want things?" rang through my head.  And in this effort to find defined contrast between good and evil, I stumbled confused over daily routines/problems until I realized I was sitting in a wading pool splashing around in the evidence and all the reason that I needed. 

One thing to note,is that in finding my answer, there were things that obstructed me from gaining clarity.  These things ranged from my pride, the democratic caucus, sonics games, and a parking ticket among other things.  It is very easy for individuals to fall to victim to their own daily lives in finding true clarity.  So allow me to take a moment, to apologize to those I may have done wrong.  I don't believe in a God, nor do I believe that offenses I have made against people in the past can be revoked, but what I hope is that my altruistic efforts to do good will allow me an opportunity to look back in my life and know I helped more than hurt the helpless.

There are some individuals who have not only devoted their fortunes to help, but have devoted their whole lives to promote and aid those who had lost their control over their lives.  These people are doctors, social care workers, personal fitness/health trainers, lawyers, and so many professions.  There must be a moment in all our lives where we question our luxuries worth against the worth of someone else's need.  We can all acknowledge that for ourselves, we try to maximize efficiency, either with our time, money, or effort.  Why is it that we can justify so obtaining many luxuries for ourselves in place of doing good for others.   I believe it is how children are raised.

tbc....