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| It's time for a changeWhen I first started this blog it was to express feelings and thoughts ... and to document those things during the course of my returning to school. Taking a 24 year hiatus, and then returning, is a very scary proposition. Here I am, 4 years later having made it in one piece and only 4 classes left to go. Along the way it seems as though I attempted to break or injure myself in some way, shape, or form each semester. Or, something has come up to make it a difficult semester. This semester was particularly difficult with having to deal with the whole empty nest issue too.
As my school journey comes to a close, I'm faced with an internship and then the inevitable job search - in a market that is hard! BUT, I have confidence simply because I'm smart, I've got the GPA, I've got a lot on my side - despite the drawbacks of known (yet pretend they don't exist) prejudices of age and sex. It's ok though - I'm ready for it - finally - at 43 I certainly should be.
So is this goodbye? No. I simply didn't have a lot of time to write this semester and my usual "must vent!" just doesn't work on published websites. People's perceived injustices - about group work - etc - need to be written in such a way that it's not a vent or a bitch, and I don't think I'm capable of that, at this point. What I had always considered a private venting place in front of a bunch of anonymous people is NOT that when potential employers can look you up online. It's not so anonymous then. It's not that I have posted anything that has come back to bite me in the butt, nor do I think I will in the future - I've just been analyzing how anonymous people are any more.
So, where's the change come in?
A bit here.. a bit there...
Three of the prejudices that exist in the world of employment are age, sex, and weight. Yes, there are laws. But prejudice are something that doesn't necessarily happen on an external level. I see this on a daily basis - the looks and stares that overweight people get - or handicapped people get. People don't mean to do it, we're taught not to, but we do it. And on that unconscious level, I do believe that employers do it too. The question arises, "Do we want this person representing us?" That's not an unfair question.
I can do nothing about my sex. I am female going into a field where are the minority (at least in this part of the country).
I can do nothing about my age except to market the advantages of it. I'm 43 - I have experience, I have common sense, I've already had my family and dealt with babies and ear infections. I'm not going to need 3-6 months off for maternity leave. BTDT. I have worked 20+ hours per week while going to school full time & still managed to take care of my house and family, including dealing with demolition, construction, etc. And, during this whole time, I've manged to maintain a pretty damn good GPA (Finance killed me this semester - my first "C" --- *sigh*). I'm proud of that GPA - because it's not easy.
That leaves weight. At 5'4" I should not be 205 lbs. For health reasons, I need to lose the weight - it will help control the diabetes, cholesterol, and high blood pressure. It will take pressure off of my joints and make it less likely I'll twist my knee or snap an ankle. It will also make it easier for me to find clothes that fit right and make me look good - which leads to a better self-esteem which leads to better interviews and better jobs.
So, while this blog was meant to keep my sanity while I got my degree - it will now help me keep my sanity while I get down to a reasonable weight. No, there's not going to be food logs - however there maybe expressed cravings! :)
I have tried diets over the course of many years - but found that I was unable to stick to them.
So what I did yesterday was contact Nutrisystem. Honestly, I contacted Jenny Craig first, but they were PRICEY! For both Daryl and I, for the first 2 weeks - signup and costs - it would have been around $800. Nutrisystem has no signup fee and the food is a bit less expensive. I have no idea how it tastes, so I guess that'll be something to talk about - reviews of their food!
I have 3 months before classes start and I graduate in December. My goal weight is 135-150. That's a goal of 50-70 lbs in 7 months (max).
So those are the proposed changes -- on many levels.
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In other news: Brandon graduates on May 22. He took a header yesterday and ended up in the ER and got his forehead glued. Poor kid, yesterday was his last day of classes - and he went out with a BANG! My dad will be coming in for Brandon's graduation on the 20th and the plan is to bring him to the zoo -- so hopefully pictures!! (withdrawal symptoms are sever here!)
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| Finals - yuck!It's finally the end of the semester and finals are here. I've already had two. I have one later today and then 2 tomorrow. My brain is overloaded.
But, after tomorrow, it's over. And there'll be no classes this summer. An internship doesn't count as a class, at least in my book.
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| We had to get rid of Polgara this evening 
She's had increasing problems since we put Bilbo down, at the end of December. We've worked with the vet since then, and tried EVERYTHING possible, but we just can't seem to bring her out of her funk and correct her behavioral issues (which started at the beginning of Jan). Kelsey took her - Kelsey's got more time than I do to devote to her and the absolute attention that she needs in order to get her over this hump. I hate giving up. I hate being defeated. I hate admitting that I just don't *understand* this particular cat. Polgara has always loved Kelsey's boyfriend, more than she seems to have liked any of this -- so I hope this match works out.
Aslan is wandering, looking for her. While he may miss her, I know he's not going to become like she did when Bilbo left.
And it feels horrible to feel a bit happy that I don't have to live with all my doors closed again and that I won't have to clean up, yet another puddle or spray, just when I think I get it under control. I think Aslan will like being able to sleep in the room with us again, since I won't have to lock Polgara out.
I feel guilt at feeling relief.
I feel guilt for giving up.
I feel like I let her down and that I made a commitment and I broke it.
*sigh*
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| Graduation is fast approaching. Nope, not May's. Rather December is the month - at least for me!
This is the last week of classes - Finals are next week. And then one more semester. Only 4 more classes!!!
This month has brought a variety of things:
- Beta Gamma Sigma - It's an international honor society for business students. Apparently, it's one of the highest recognitions a business student can receive in a business program (that is accredited by the AACSB). The top 10% of seniors (or 2nd semester juniors, or graduate students) are invited/nominated. That's a good thing - at least everyone in the College of Business says so
 - Outstanding Management Information Systems (MIS) Graduate - I am 1 of 6 of the top graduating students in the MIS Department - But that's a little deceptive though. Apparently, it was done by GPA and professor nomination. They took the top 14 choices and they narrowed it down to 6. (There's 6 actual MIS instructors, so it was each one's favorite??) (Can't you tell I'm the "glass half empty" type of person?)
I went to go find the page for the banquet and awards dinner - but they only had it up for the 2006/2007 time frame.
Today is good news - Internship - with the state. It's not the best pay in the world. And gas, to drive to Little Rock, is going to kill me - but - it's a job (internship) and it's experience. I am VERY happy about that as it seems that MIS internships are scarce this semester/year. So are jobs, for that matter -- at least according to many of my May graduating classmates and professors. I don't start until the end of May. It gives me a chance to get Brandon's graduation settled and for me to unstress after finals and having my father here for a week 
Now I must go ponder homework and projects due this week. I also have to go figure out how come everyone thinks I know so much when I feel like I know nothing.
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| Brandon won't smile and won't stop squinting.
The little booger!
 Brandon - April 6, 2008
I took him to Dillards yesterday to get him "real" clothes. Like when I'd go shopping with Kara -- and Walmart doesn't count.
3 dress shirts
3 ties
2 Polo shirts
2 Dockers
1 pair dress shoes.
The Polo shirts are phase one of attempting to get his senior picture. Phase II is when he's in shirt, tie, and hemmed Dockers (I've gotta get them hemmed and cuffed). I'm hoping he's more cooperative in Phase II - but then again, he's no different than the weather has been ---- > VERY uncooperative! Overcast, rain, ICK makes for poor picture taking weather and it's been like that for months.
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