Currently Listening The Heart of Everything By Within Temptation The Howling see related

"Where the mind goes..go there."

This is a watercolor done by Marilyn Manson.
It sums up how I feel.
A lot has happened lately.
I've grown.
Realized things.
Made peace.
Cried.
Smiled. Frowned.
Flown.

Currently Listening The Silent Force By Within Temptation see related

I think best when I write it; words flow easily ..

A few interesting things have happened lately..
---I interviewed for an art program with the City of Akron and made it in!
--Just when my heart was settling, it was upset again, but this time in a good way.
-I've learned to stand up to my parents. I'm not a little kid anymore and I can handle myself better than they think!
---I've FINALLY broken an old, bad habit, for good.

I have been sewing a lot. I didn't realize how much I enjoy destroying and reconstructing clothes ;)
I also painted a very stark emotion: anger, and I think it turned out very nicely, though I wasn't even thinking about it turning out nicely while I was painting it..because I was furious, hateful; my emotions were all stirred up...

Oh. And I enjoyed being a faerie the other day. Flitting around the flowers and quietly dusting people with my magic to make them sneeze: my whole family is sick now.. >_<   But I can do other things than make people sneeze, but I'm not about to share those secrets..

My list of books to read is steadinly growing. And on the top of the list is Ink Exchange by Melissa Marr. I read Wicked Lovely by her and it was amazing! I wish Holly Black would write some more.. And I miss my Howl's Moving Castle (Mrs. Fippin has it). But before that I want to finish The Mists of Avalon and The Once and Future King (this one for school. Also Pride and Prejudice and Brave New World).

-----I'm a tricky little faerie..And a horrible vegetarian. I doubt I could even call myslef that anymore. Oh woe is me!

Currently Listening Believe By Disturbed Prayer see related

I added some deep blue to my bangs. I was courageous enough to bleach them first..
Its summer! Yay!
I've come to terms with a lot today. And instead of making me feel empty, I feel at peace now..
And did you know? I'm a faerie!

Currently Listening The Adventure By Angels & Airwaves see related

Feeling poetic perhaps? This is only an entry, no more, no less.

Today the world was bright and alive.
I took a long walk, and couldn't help but smile.
The leaves were green, the sky was blue, the birds were flying, and i was alive too.
The Earth's breath swirled around me,
And the sun's rays shined upon me.

Its days like today that I wonder.

The tears are streaming faster now.
Nothing can I do to will them away.
Into sheer madness they drive me, mocking me.
The slippery streaks upon my face run black with my mascara.
Soon I will resemble a racoon.

To refuse them
Is to accept a headache
Accompanying the heartache.
I cannot bear it.

I am alive, am I not?
My emotions may be turbulent,
But I am thankful,
For I am not dead yet.
Not yet an unfeeling marble statue.
I still breathe,
I still spin.
And I now feel.

The world is but a blur
In all its changing and moving.
The goddess wills it spin
And I along with it.

The music swells as do my eyes.

Currently Reading The Silenced By James Devita see related

Finding myself..

How does one go about doing such a thing?

I wrote a lot of poetry yesterday.
A good six or seven pages.

I am so calm.
So emotionally turbulent, yet inside, at peace.
I have come to terms with the fact that life happens.
What will come to pass, will come to pass, whether I had planned on it or not.
I know that I am at a crossroads, and must now choose a direction.
But in which do I proceed?
My life is a swirling quagmire of mists.

quag·mire   //

1. Land with a soft muddy surface.
2. A difficult or precarious situation; a predicament.
   —Synonyms 2. predicament, dilemma, quandary, scrape, jam.

Quagmire. Such a lovely word, no?
I sound like Angela, the herbalist from Eragon.
Where was I?
Oh yes.
My life is a swirling quagmire of mists.
So many things are left unanswered, but so many people's lives are like that.
So what makes me special?
Nothing.
At this point in time, I can think of nothing that makes me special.
I am only different.
As Matt said, and I thought a lot about, not better than, but different than.

Even my artwork.
Its full of confusion and questions.
Swirling mists of the quagmire that is my life.