I hate it here, i wish i never had to be here

i hate that kari is never around

i hate that i joined a sororrity and i dont know any of these girls, i hate that im so sick of meeting new poepe that i turn down all of their activities. I hate that i dont have a car or a liscence im liek the only one ever becuase everyone else just assumes that i have a car here, i hate that brian keeps asking me out and i really just want him to go away, i hate that the cute kid from pi kapp was in the middle of asking me out and then just left heis computer, i hate that chrisotpher lied to me twice and that maureen wouldnt come here ebcuase she had to clean her room which she did anyways. i hate that i have to convince poeple to hang out with me, and i hate that jimmy isnt talking to me anymore, and i hate that i havent eaten in 48 hoiurs because noone has time for me and i hte doing things aloen. i hate this feeling and i want it to go away, i hate that i cant keep up with my classes,i hate that im such a procrastinator and i hate that i have learned that i cant count on anyone except for myself. i hate that we are ppoor cause i wish that i was like amy and could just drop out of school when i felt liek it and buy a puppy. i hate that i feel so lonely cause it feels just like second semester my senior year at brookwood and ihate that i had such a horrible highshcool life and i hate that i have to be scared to sleep here at night and check my doors to make sure they are locked more than 10 times a night.

Currently Listening Hot Fuss By The Killers Smile like you mean it see related

Hey everyone,

Im at home waiting for whitney to go to back to state.

This week was a lot easier than last week. i guess. I slept by myself everynight (like a big girl) and friday-saturday i had the entire apartment to myself it was GREAT sturday night however i went out with kari, we went to tech square to go get icecream from this INCREDIBLE place, and then we went to the tech barnes and noble bookstore and its HUGE! after that we went to watch the auburn-tech game HOLY SHIT that was awesome. im so happy that tech one it was a great game! THen i just spent the night at the fiji house on a really lumpy couch cause kari and davids's matchmaking skills arent QUITE up to par.

Anyways, then sunday kari and i got donughts/wendys and i went abck to my house and GOT MY TATTOO!!!

holy shit i love it so much, its so classy looking and im in love!

Anyways, im pretty sure my dad knows cause iw asnt EXACTLY hiding it but i wasnt just flaunting it. i was trying to hide it at chad's grad party today though cause i didnt know what my dads reaction would be. but then tonite i almost dropped the pizza thing and i KNOW he saw it when he caught it and put it back on my arm.

ANYWAYS: then i did all my laundry and such and we went to chads party (as i said before) and their new house is so beautiful. its very cozy i love it. aynways, i gotta go cause this is really boring!

Ciao!!

Currently Listening Vindicated By Dashboard Confessional see related

alright people

Im here and ive survived m first week of colelge, and my first "doctors" appion tment. knowing the doctor i guess turned outto be a plus but well see if she tlls my mom about all the concerns i had. Anyways, ive experienced a lot of new things to say the least.

Marta, college, living on my own, feeling unwelcome in my parents home, boredom withmyself, boredom with others, serperation from kariann, not needing christopher, not feeling guilty about the carlos thing, the pressure of meeting new people, the releif when you find out that the people you meet have the same concerns you do, and many other explicit things.

I havent been here long enough to draw co0nclusions or actual lessons, but i have proven to myself over and over again that day dreaming does absolutly no good. you cant prepare for whats gonna happen. you will never know, there are an infinite number of ways that your problems, or anything for that matter, can turn out. its ridiculous to eventry to imagine and prereact to the situations.

I cant say for sure that im going to have as much fun as i wanted. Right now im all caught up on my hmwk and such, and i dont really have anything to do. so im finally updating this online journal that only maureen reads. If she still does.

If you are reading, know that when you say shit like that "go back to college" really makes me feel badly. I know that righ tnow you coul give two shits that you hurt my feelings, but one day, maybe when YOU feel unwelcome on aweekend home from colelge, youll feel the same way and regret saying that to me. theres lots of things i wanted to tell you about, and i cant, becuase you just dont give  adamn. i was even about to say that if things kept going so well that you should visit this weekend. but then you came out with that comment. Not cool. but whatveer, youre busy with your own life and your own friends.

have fun with that. live it up. cause they arent all going where you were. and while your in that biodome of psuedolife, remember that when you DO go to colelge, your best friend could be geographically closer, but you might not ever see her.

and thats what really makes this whole college experience unbearable.

Alright!, im here people. im all unpacked (cept the clothes inthe corner box).and all set up (cept the dvd thing) and im all set

Cept im bored. CHristopher and them still ahve band practise, kari is doing sorority things. and whitney went home for a while. so sad. anyways, my romates are cool though. but their mom is cleaning their bathroom. not cool, cause theirs is clean and ours is mildewy and cant they clean their own bathroom. but whatvever im sure when i get to know them itll be better. i apparently cant move my computer, the battery switch is broken. anyways ill update later im sure.

hasta todos

Currently Watching Gilmore Girls - The Complete Second Season By Lauren Graham see related

OK so its like 5 in the morning and today is the lst day i will ever spend acutally LIVING and being welcome in this house. ok so the welcome part is an overstatement. oh well. i guess i could just go downstairs and begin my day. i already texted kari cause she said that she would be awake. but she apparently isnt cause she hasnt responded. she said that she took tylonal pm and so i went to look for mine  even though i vowed not to ever use it again after the detriot to paris hell flight. speaking of paris im still watching gilmore girls. did you know that the girl that plays rory was born in 81. im not sure how old she is now though, im pretty bad at math.

today im excited for my breakfast. im going to have the french toast and then the egg type sandwhich that i like to cook. i might even have a croisant too. mmm i love bread. i cant beleive that tonite is my last night here. Tomrow i will have my own address. my own oven cleaner. i have no idea what to wear though. iwish that it was really today that way i could go ahead and get it over with. the waiting is killing me. and then i want wendys cause ther isnt one in atl. well there could be but thats the excuse that im going to use becuase i prolly wont be alowed to have it. it might not be on the way, or just that some people prefer one child over the other. whatever when im grown and educated and earning more than she can spend in 50 years then shell be sad she picked the wrong kid to put on a pedestal. thats ok ive pretty much just used it as a learning experience. only have one kid. that way you dont have to pick a favorit and one of them sdoesnt hvae a childhood liek mine. whatever. anyways. i wish i could fall asleep but i cant i dont know what wrong with me. i think maureen and amanda are awake though so now ill never get to sleep.,

my poor computer has so many viruses. poor bessie. shes so cute now that i dressed her up with tulips and dinosuars.

alright im going to fruitlessly try to go to sleep again,

night everyone. and noone