i hate this.

i have been struggling with ana/mia on and off since i was 13. it was only today that i could actually say it out loud. i have anorexia. it's scary, and i'm sick of it. i wish i didn't have to harm myself, or throw up everytime i hate something fatty. but i do. i wish i didn't have jars of vomit hidden in my room, but i do.

is this really what my life has become?

do i want to be thin this fucking badly?




yes.
thin doesn't taste like cheese fries and chocolate bars,
thin tastes like vomit and water.
yes i WILL gain one more scar for every bad thing i eat.

i WILL.
and i'll love it.
and i'll do it until i'm perfect.


this xanga isn't a secret anymore, so i have a new one.
don't ask for it, try and find me.

from now on

i'm going to be,

a secret....

and soon

i'll dissappear.