| I've been thinking a lot lately. And I have completely made up my mind about everything. I have decided that moving to Illinois I had the right idea, but the wrong image. I wanted to keep positive, I wanted to stay happy, I wanted the love of my life...to stay the love of my life. I wanted everything a young teenage girl could want. I wanted happiness. Friends. Movie Nights. I didn't want drama. I didn't want to loose the people I loved. I didn't want to loose the love of my life. I wanted things to stay the same in Kansas, but still have a happy life in Illinois. Thinking back on it now, I went into high school being something I wasn't. But, now I am growing up, maturing, and I am the person I want to be. I don't care if you think I'm some poser. Or a fake. I am who I want to be and if you don't like it; shut the fuck up.
I know many of you that hear the rumors of me being some "fat lesbian that no one likes" won't read this. But, I want to clear things up. I don't like girls. If you want to play stupid little games, and make up things that are OBVIOUSLY not true. Then whatever, go back to fucking Middle School. I don't need your drama. I don't need you. You don't mean anything to me.
I want to let you know that. That I reallyreally miss you. That I can't stop thinking about the way things used to be. How we always made each other smile and laugh. You were the one person that could make me smile when things didn't feel right, you were the one to reassure me that things will get better, you were there for me with anything, if it was boy problems, girl problems, family problems, anything..you were there. I miss that. Sooo fucking much. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I want you back, because I can't quiet make up my mind. You have changed me in so many ways no one else could have. But, you make me feel this horrible pain, deep deep down that I haven't ever felt before. I love you, and I will forever. But, I think you aren't ready to let things go back. And I can't wait forever...
This beautiful girl is, Emilie Stutzman.
Emilie is my world, my everything, my other half. She has been my bestfriend for awhile now and that is never going to change. She lives in Iowa and I never get to see her, but our friendship is so strong that not even distance can tear us apart.
I love her beyond words. |
