feige44's Xanga

and we're back!

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 21:48:30 GMT

so yeah been M.I.A for the past year or so, mainly because I lost my password and couldn't get it back, NOT well I just didn't feel like I needed to get anything off my chest on paper at least not on xanga and shit

well it's been awhile so why not describe the important things that are happening? well today I was riding the bus and some kid in the back kept on singing the jay z song I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one, and I was just thinking, shit, that's the story of my life or at least the way that it could be. I have so many problems and issues surrounding my mother it's as if I could just be like ok. I've got 99 problems BUT my mom and all that's entangled with her ISN'T one of them.

so thats going to be my mantra for the next week or so, 99 problems but a bitch (my mom) ain't one if you got girl problems I feel for you son, I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

dear god

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 06:47:13 GMT

dear god,

I just want to take some time out this morning because i can't sleep to praise you for making me the person who I am today. Beautiful me. you were really showing off when you made me. not only am i extremely good looking, but i'm well educated, and have tasted pussy of the asian variety...in other words, i have social status etc etc but that's stupid to think about, i'm so over it like how i'm so over my punk rock teenage phase. my friends that i have now are all in good private schools and going to become somebody. I, on the other hand, have an impressive resume at public university, where I studied art, and went abroad for a year on fulbright, and now that i am out of school, I lavish myself with praises and can be as standoffish as I want. I don't understand what's good for me, but I know that being on automatic dialog with all of my contacts and talking endlessly about nothing, is way better than being in a relationship nor dare I have any sort of spark in conversation with anybody because what's the use of having sex when intelligent conversation is bound to be had?

I guess some people would call me a racist, but then, I say, foo foo faw faw to them. I'll ignore whoever I want, based on whatever criteria I deem important, like skin color, race, ethnicity, social class, sexual orientation etc.

anyway, my life is not perfect, which basically = i can shit on anybody i want and have that as an excuse.

while i try and maintain and wealthy lifestyle, i am appalled by my friends who have no disregard to high standards at every meal, where I must chew and chew my food into it's dull flatness if my friend had taken me to a place of his liking, man, otherwise I'd rather stay at home!

anyway, I'm not racist, I'm, how should I say, RAWcist maybe. that is I am a raw human being who doesn't like anything candy coated, and will not take any bullshit or like anything that's wrapped up nicely for the sake of it being wrapped up nicely. Basically, I can see through everyone's bullshit and everyone is really lame to begin with anyway so why bother talking to people?

that being said, I'm not a complete loser or anything, I just don't plan on fooling everyone at social gatherings by acting flimsy and happy because I'm not, because I'm too smart to see things as if they weren't things that are like um not bad or at least make me feel blue because I can agree with nothing and like nothing and therefore everything sucks.

ok, thanks for listening god, i usually don't believe in you, but since i've already lost all my marbles, I thought I'd start with finding someone like you for a start.

thanks

waiting

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 07:14:42 GMT

the game we all play...waiting for my ipod connector, the new radiohead album to leak, for work to start, for the show tonight, we all spend a whole lot of time waiting for things...

last night I saw the bourne ultimatum on my computer, and it fookin rocked! I love the whole trilogy (except the first one which I have to see all the way still...) and I have a huge thing for Matt Damon now. At first I though the was this dorky kid from Boston who came into the spotlight with Ben Affleck, but now, man does the guy have an impressive resume! also he's a terrific actor and his upcoming projects sound way way cool with also being reuinted with Gus Van Sant, so who knows what could happen. Hell it got a lot of people oscars deservedly, namely Robin Williams. Hell I always thought he would win for Blubber! hahaha. But seriously Matt Damon is the shit. The Talented Mr. Ripley, The Departed, The Bourne Identity trilogy!!!, Good Will Hunting, lately he's been playing sort of the bad guy in some films ripley, departed, and he's goooood at that. I know he's going to be in a movie with Sean Penn that's coming up about some political dude which sounds cool. matt damon=female nicole kidman!

that being said, i also have a thing for Naomi Watts. Girls been in so many awesome movies including The Ring, Mullholland Drive, a voice part in Inland Empire, and now Cronenberg's latest flick Eastern Promises. The first ring movie is in my top top horror flicks of all time, as is texas chainsaw massacre. i saw that movie for the first time when i first moved out to colorado, and man, that is some genius stuff. that movie is IMO way more scarier than the exorcist, way way way more cooler and scarier than that piece of shite exorcist bitch.

yo, can I borrow a dollar?

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 13:43:25 GMT

I finally have mustered up the courage to call places that needs to be called like C.C companies, student loan services, and personal loan services. I think it's all because of my training at language line services, my employer. It's not an easy job, but it's not tough either. there are a lot of technicalities that I'm sort of pondering over like how to dial out in case a call is too difficult if you're not certified to handle it. I'm also wondering about their online forum, I'd really love it if it were up and running with people posting there everyday like on ILX or IHM.

I'm terribly glad I have overcome this fear of speaking to people over the phone because so much can get done by telephone. One really needs to have the phone skills or at least the courage to get on the phone with some of these companies and ask the questions that need to be answered or to get the service they need, otherwise, you can't simply rely on email alone. the phone is always one step closer to real interaction.

right now I'm waiting for a couple to check out the apartment, the first thing the lady said was "oh we can come back if it's not ready" after seeing the plastic trash bags on the floor,. the thing is, I don't know where to dump my trash and plus it's raining outside so it would be shitty to dump all the trash....

anyway just got done with the first couple, they seemed unimpressed but eager to jump out of their current situation, except the problem being the size for the two of them and whether or not the place is big enough. the guy was polite and asked me at the end whether or not to go through me or the landlord as if he were interested, but honey, did ya forget something??? you're woman! how you'z gonna live with her in a bedroom this size? it's up to them really, I keep forgetting. Well, we'll just go down the list then, I have someone coming in at 1pm, a cancellation though without a message, how rude, and someone coming at 8:30pm, so I'm prety sure I can squeeze one or two people in between 1pm and 8:30pm! We shall see!

repitition

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 00:29:32 GMT

alright I spent all day cleaning my place. It is fairly clean, pretty darned clean, except I still have to take out the trash, and I don't know where to dump the amount of trash I have. I listed my apartment for rent and I got 11 phone calls, 10 emails, and one text message within a 24 hour period all of them curious and interested in seeing photos and saying that it'll be a perfect fit for them! Wow. It just goes to show that housing is in demand! Or else my place is the shiznit, cuz it's so close to everything including campus/town/parks etc.

I don't really get out much, there's no point in walking around by yourself in Boulder. It's not like back east where everyone is kinda in their own world and you're able to go about your own business. People here like to lift lids and snooop around, which is kind of crappy if you don't have a walking partner, or a library buddy or shit like that.

Anyway, I'm planning on moving to New York. I thought about this a long time, and decided that I should just go for the gold. I was considering Philadelphia for a bit but I thought, what if it's not that cool? New York is guaranteed to have DIY shows and experimental shtuff, it's never going to go away! Plus I have so many friends, acquaintances, past lovers (: P ) there that I already feel connected and welcomed. I shall make a list of folks I know? Boyuan, Alan Wu, Matt, Raffe, Drew G., Nick L., Emily H., HuanLei Ni, and probably others too. Damn, this is going to be so much fun. I just need to save enough money up to move in and stuff like that but I'm sure my parents will help with this as well.

one thing that is bothering me is whether or not my room is clean enough right now to show. I hope it is. I have 4 maybe 5 people taking a look at it all day tomorrow and into the evening. Wow this is going to be great!

:)

I'm such an idiot, or am I?

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 21:34:18 GMT

basically big brother is hooking me up with the goods to live in a room in apartment until I find some job that pays me the cizzash. until then my ass is secured, ya hear? but the thing is I always overdraft on this one account, cuz I buy stuff from amazon or whatever. actually all I bought was like soap, printing paper, and some books and stuff. I really needed the soap too! and my mom got all upset cuz i made her in charge of the account but i've been using it through paypal.

anyway things should straighten themselves out.

I'm having a blast in boulder, really! NOT! this place blows more than two monkeys blowing each other in cirque de soleil. ok right now I"m listening to 50 cent's latest album, Curtis. I think the most interesting news that's hit mainstsream media lately is the Kanye West Vs. 50 Cent showdown. man, that shit is intense. I feel like the production on 50's album is way better, it's slicker, and more effective. Kanye's album on the album on the other hand is almost psychedelic and revolves around his immaculate skill of weaving stories and making songs bleed into each other. So i dunno, I still have to decide who to download more haha!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 06:37:50 GMT

ok so moving to boulder is going to be a big pain in my butt. my mom and I are going to get into so many arguments as to what to bring and how to bring it. etc etc

the stuff I want to bring is all my books, all my records, my cds in booklets (it's ok without the cases) DVDs for my room and posters posters posters plus bed material light furniture if possible lights lamps notebooks etc etc

tv if at all possible, laptop of course, backpacks, small stationaries, electric fan, paintings, instruments

kitchen i want to the newest pots and pans, silverware, dishware, coffee maker, tea boiler, rice cooker!!!

bathroom just your average amenities, awesome shower curtain, stuff like toothrush, toothpaste, towels, shaving cream, face cream hand cream, mouth wash shampoo conditioner and shit

snacks galore I'm going to convince my mom about snacks. grocery shopping will be a pain too but that should be separate from these lists.

ok so the money sitch is like so:

I'll probably be getting around $750 for SSI monthly disability money
the rent is $685!!

so that leaves me with $65 for utilities which should cover more than half of it

my mom is giving me $200 for supplemental rent/utilities so that should leave me with $175 extra

and another $200 for spending money (she's being really generous) so that's a total of $375

if I cut down on smoking, I can save a lot of money, plus I'll have about $175 worth of food stamps every month
and a meal plan plus student health insurance so I won't have to pay for any of that.

So basically I'll have around $350-$375 extra spending money each month while I'm out in Colorado.

if I smoke a pack a day, and cigarettes are cheap there I forgot! that'll be 3X30=90 bucks a month on cigarettes

but if I also make friends who fly international to bring me cartons that would rule too

this is going to rule though and if I just pick up something extra to do, some odd job,like I have now teaching piano, or teaching Chinese, I can cover my cigarette costs. I would hate for my mom to be paying for my smokes!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 20:02:45 GMT

so i wonder i flike doing the right thing is always the good thing to do

well it probably is

but what if you were to deviate from that?

I've been thinking about survival a lot lately, and I imagine humans are pretty durable and what it would take for one to just basically survive

I was thinking, what if one were to do whatever one feels like away from scrutiny from the people one lives with say gets drunk and does drugs everynight until their body couldn't take it anymore and would go into a hospital immediately where one would be revived

well you would probably spend some time in the hospital but then you would be set free and maybe even with disability benefits and other stuff ilke an apartment from charity organizations

and then you could do it all over again. basically people can't deny you help in this country which why taking advantage of it can be so easy

which is why I'm so desperate to have my citizenship documents straightened out so that I may finally become a citizen, recognized by everyone and every computer on earth

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 15:32:04 GMT

I guess worse comes to worse I 'll have to use my ssi money to take care of my bank's overdraft and then use some of my food stamp money too

and then I should be getting 200 bucks for the nintendo
and i have like 1800 bucks to pay back my mom cuz i used her ....

so that's like 1600
hopefully i pray to god that my dad's check will come through, what a bastard tho

i'd have to sell my janus films box 600

then i'd have 1000 to pay

then i'd have to sell my CDs cuz luckily I have all my music on my harddrive and iPod

so hopefully I can come up with 1000 bucks in CD sales which isn't very easy

I might have to sell half of my books
and half of my DVDs to compensate

shit i am so fucked

this sucks

and then august's ssi money will have to go towards my debt toward LJ
and hopefully my mom will pay first and last month's rent for me so I won't have to pay rent until November which would work out so I'm not entirely screwed.

Fei

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 09:02:53 GMT

Fei Ge (Mark)

Web Journalism

Mid Term 2nd attempt

06/20/2007

For my mid term project I have drawn a one page outline of what my webpage is going to be like. Basically, it is a page for my up and coming record label (mainly sell CDs and tapes) that I will be using to promote my own music as well as my friends and perhaps other people who decide to use my services. I plan on mostly self distributing these releases in the style of some of the other labels and cd distributors that I am found of including Volcanic Tongue in the UK, and Forced Exposure and Mimaraglu in Boston.

The front page is really where the action will be. There will be several links immediately seen to the viewer including an "about" section, "news" (which will be covered automatically when you first open the website), a list of artists, perhaps a tour, and of course the catalog. Basically I will have a logo in the center which should resemble some kind of gremlin like creature and maybe say the name of my record label which is, "Healthy Smiles Records." I got the idea of the name for the label after listening to a lot of doom metal, noise, free jazz and improv records that my friend highly disapproved of, and where there is indeed a group of mothers online who protest this kind of music, so I thought it would be ironic to name it that.

Also, I plan on trying to use Flash on the site, a first time for me, and hopefully when you click the logo, the gremlin, on the mouth, it will spit out a Flash design which lists each artist in a link where you can click on it as another way of getting to the artist's page. Who knows, maybe I won't include the artist's link but just have this Flash animation as a way of finding out who's on the label. That way people will start associating those artists with the label name, because of the action required to produce such links, which is to click on the logo/gremlin's mouth.

Other than that, I am planning on doing business online using PayPal where people can send me payments with their PayPal account, and afterwards I would send them their CDs or tapes. I then can use a PayPal debit card to get the money out of an ATM or have them send me a check, which I could use to further make more CDs, and the cycle would continue.