femmeaimesta's Xanga

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Sat, 21 May 2005 12:05:18 GMT

It's scary how accurate this is - but it forgot to mention how crazy I am - I guess that's the part about ups and downs...

http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/

Being born on the 21st day of the month (3 energy) is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life.

The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental.

There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, "couldn't care less" attitude.

You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression.

Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing.

You are energetic and always a good conversationalist.

You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters.

Your mind is practical and rational despite this tendency to jump about.

You are affectionate and loving, but very sensitive.

You are subject to rapid ups and downs.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 03:27:16 GMT

Yet another cycle and it should be a great one folks...

Since I'll be leaving to NYC tomorrow after school, this blog posting serves to wish everyone an excited Chuc Mung Nam Moi! I feel like it's going to be a positive Rooster year filled with confidence, truth and the right decisions for all of us. Just remember to follow the damn omens. I'll explain more later. Happy New Year!

Monday, February 07, 2005

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 22:20:36 GMT

The weekend began slowly. An unrelenting cough chained me to my bed forcing me to pass on another Friday night out in SF and making me feel a little dejected. But after some good counseling, Saturday night I was more than happy to grab a piping hot bowl of pho with Michael. One very satiated me made it home feeling much better and ready to go out with some good friends. We made our way downtown to a ghetto bougie club but with the realization of a $20 cover – we quickly went our alternate route down a deserted road in Saratoga in hopes of finding a private party with an open bar.

Two short drinks later, we left in search of any place with more people. With a stolen bottle of wine we ended up going back to an Irish pub downtown and meeting up with tons of old high school people who I was excited and happy to see. Damn Soung for buying that very large Patron shot but all in all it was a great night and just what I needed.

Sunday I woke up with a slight hangover but managed to make it up to San Francisco by noon to lounge around with a good friend from college. I was exhilarated to be the obedient disciple in the art of doing everything while doing absolutely nothing all day. It was amazing.

We took the bus down to the Chinese New Year Flower Fair, http://www.sanfranciscochinatown.com/events/flowerfair.html, to enjoy our surroundings. The characteristic hustle and bustle, fresh fruit stands, delectable open market goods and festivities alleviated some of the nostalgia I get during this time of year for Vietnam. I also got to use my new camera…

The Preparation of Porridge and Dumpling Soup, reminiscent of Vietnam.

We eventually hopped on the bus back to Pacific Heights to peruse used bookstores (I bought Jonathan Franzen’s The Corrections) and make our way out to Golden Gate Park.

After one very long walk around the Park discussing life, family, friends, men and our futures, we made it home a little after dusk, skipped dinner and caught the early evening showing of Infernal Affairs III, http://www.infernalaffairs.com/ at The Balboa Theater, http://www.balboamovies.com/. What a compelling film soon to be remade by Martin Scorsese, starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon. The remake’s a damn shame. The originals are always better.

On a better note, I am excited to see the showcase for the 23rd SFI Asian American Film Festival, http://www.naatanet.org/calendar/sfiaaff/index.html, because A) getting excited over the growth of Asian American films is what I do and B) we’ll have some UCLA alumni in the lineup!

All in all – the weekend pulled me out of my dejected state and was just what I needed.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Thu, 27 Jan 2005 01:44:08 GMT

On January 21st 2005, an offensive song/skit containing openly derogatory and racist overtones reached millions of listeners in NYC when it was broadcasted on HOT 97's "Miss Jones in the Morning" radio show. While the radio show has a history of recording and playing such spoofs on a regular basis, the infamous "Tsunami Song" mocks not only the victims of the unfortunate recent natural disaster in Southeast Asia, but also all members of the Asian race in general with the racial slurs "chink" and "Chinamen."

Check out the song and sign the petition here:
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/story/274679p-235203c.html

http://www.ktown213.com/hot97.htm

Too little, too late...
http://www.hot97.com/airstaff/morningshowTsunami.aspx

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 18:09:31 GMT

Annie's posting about the blogring reminded me of my own anger towards those I deemed ignorant of the hyphenated American experience. I hated people for not understanding, for lacking empathy and mostly for just being indifferent to hardship. These feelings were even stronger towards those who came from similar backgrounds.

The only way I could ever get rid of my own hate was to figure out what my role was. Why was I there talking with these people so different from me? What the hell was I supposed to say? They seem so ignorant! Well, to me, there's a reason for everything. Whether it's God's will or Universal Energy distribution - it happens because it's supposed to.

Here are some of my own thoughts written my first quarter at UCLA.

http://www.sscnet.ucla.edu/aasc/classweb/winter02/aas197a/apham1.html

See Michael, I updated - just like you've been asking.

Pretty soon, I'll even let all you know what's going on in my life...

Miss everyone. xoxo.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

Thu, 08 Apr 2004 04:28:38 GMT

So the last couple of weeks have been somewhat of blur...my new job at Cheesecake Factory hasn't been treating me as well as I thought it would...but I'm meeting people so it's ok. I spent tonight at BJ's in Oakridge chillen with folks for the first time in the month that I've worked there. I don't know why, but I've kinda avoided hanging out with people in order to evade the drama that I predict will soon ensue whethere I like it or not. I made the exception since it was my friend's birthday, but then he ditched so it wasn't supposed to be worth it, but it was...thanks to my Bolivian and Mexican friends who made me drink my favorite...Petron (thanks Eddy). So right now, as I'm drunk and chillen' I was thinking about writing more because we all know I have tons to say...especially about my EAP and Leland reunions, I gotta be an excellent older sister and help my lil' sis with her world history midterm. So peace and love y'all...expect more from me as a sober being.

Friday, March 12, 2004

Fri, 12 Mar 2004 01:01:06 GMT

Broken Promises...

Wow...did I already let all of my friends down? Thought it'd be easy to update this thing once a week, but it turns out things have been pretty busy lately. I took the job at the Cheesecake Factory and they have taken their sweet time making sure I've memorized all 200 something dishes they serve and 50 some desserts and cheesecakes they offer. The good news is, I was "certified" as a server yesterday and all I have to do is pass with 90% on my written test tomorrow and I'm IN THE MONEY! Except for not quite. 'Cause you don't quite make what I thought you would there. I guess it's not as busy as I thought. Oh well, it's better than sitting in an office all day. I'd give that four weeks before you saw me doing my rendition of Office Space with my super Maglite flashlight and a fax machine.

Things I have been doing...

I took an amazing trip down to San Diego two weekends ago to see some good friends of mine. I got to enjoy some Japanese cuisine and share great conversation with Annie until she had to get ready to hop on a plane to see her love interest *sigh* I met up with Genevieve and picked up Fiona from her pre-school which was awesome because she totally remembered me. Cutest baby ever! Gen didn't do my hair as planned but we did get to swing by Extraordinary Desserts and savor some of San Diego finest dining. After that we headed downtown to some authentic Irish pubs, complete with jigs and all. Then Mindy used some "charm" to get us into the Red Circle Bar since we're all cheap and decided it was ludicrous to have to pay a $10 cover. Then I got to have brunch with Kirin in Pacific Beach before heading off to Daniel's formal. We of course skipped the "pre-party" and headed straight for the hotel where we were greeted by a bartender who poured us two shots of Jose and two Coronas each before all the other underage party people showed up. It was only a $400 bartab before people had to start paying so we had to drink it up =) What's nice is he poured us two more free shots before we left to head downtown to meet up with Soung and Guarav at Ole Madrid downtown. By the time I got there I was so good that I really don't remember much...except for that Sally was there and some girl with breast implants was hitting on Daniel. Go Ni! After getting home at 4am we set the alarm at 5 to get me to my flight at 6:35a but as most of you can predict...that just never happened. But the fabulous part was that I got to ride home with Mindy and Dylan on the 11a flight so I was a happy camper. Ok, gotta go study for that "intense" test tomorrow so I'll tell y'all about LA later!

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Tue, 24 Feb 2004 22:48:03 GMT

Pet Peeves.

You know what I hate? When people play telephone and they're NOT in the 2nd grade anymore. I mean seriously...haven't we learned our lessons about being go-betweens in business that doesn't concern us? When a comment is relayed over the six degrees of separation, it's guaranteed that it is altered if not completely inaccurate.

On the flip side, you know what I love? When people give you free things that you need and can use, like a car with a stereo (but only one speaker) and a cell phone! I've been working on being a less materialistic person, but let's face it, having this happen to me brightened my day =)

The other thing that I love (which made me happy this past Saturday) is when a friend makes sacrifices for you, no matter how big or small. I have no idea what my friend gave up to be around me for another friend's birthday on Saturday in Berkeley, but I can tell you that it made me estactic. Not only did I get to be a part of his first experience at Blake's on Telegraph and some pool hall on Shattuck, but we had a damn good time...if I do say so myself. And afterwards, what did he treat me to? Nothing less than ...that's right, the coveted Krispy Kreme donut! Some friends just don't get any better =)

Friday, February 20, 2004

Fri, 20 Feb 2004 15:47:02 GMT

Daily Affirmation.

I got this in the mail today from one of those people who I lived down the street from almost all my life and even went to high school with, but didn't know until the end of my first year of college. Now, I love her and trust her like I've known her my whole life. So the cheesy-ness...it really makes me happy =)

BEING TWENTY - SOMETHING

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot don't seem as fun. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

It's really amazing when two strangers become the best of friends, but it is really sad when the best of friends become two strangers.

Thursday, February 19, 2004

Thu, 19 Feb 2004 04:25:01 GMT

Pleasant surprises.

I met her about 6 months ago and just accepted that we would be far from the best of friends. It's impossible just because we're so different, I thought, She wasn't like any of my ther friends at home. Sure we were in the dusty, extreme, conservative atmosphere of Vietnam that's enough to make almost anyone a little insane. Still, I had just escaped the confines of some really detrimental friendships and was looking forward to something like the low-maintenance relationships I have with my long-time best friends. I was afraid that we would end up hating one another so I avoided making any sort of effort to get to know her. But I did. And it turned out to be one of the best things that I could've done. 'Cause she could teach me a thing or two. I mean, she's a crazy overachiever. She studies, cleans and writes more than I ever will. 'Cause we're not that different. We're fashion-obsessed suburban Vietnamese outcasts who love 80's music and the 80's in general. And 'cause well...who couldn't use another loyal, supportive and sweet friend to talk to now and then? Carrying random meaningful conversations with people you barely talk to are great. So thanks to you for teaching me that first impressions don't really last, that opposites can attract and for continuing to do those special things that others just don't do...like make this incredible website enticing future curious students to experience the beauty and intensity that is Vietnam.

http://eap.ucop.edu/eap/country/vietnam/slideshow/studentjournal/default.htm

Oh --- and a shout out to one of my favorite groups Black Eyed Peas who dropped by Vietnam to perform at Nha Hat Lon, giving Hanoians a little taste of good American music =)

http://www3.cjad.com/content/cjad_news/article.asp?id=e021342A

And to my original blog inspiration and Soc sister – I promise not to morph into a big-breasted, scantily-clad stranger in my pictures, such that you are unable to tell it is me, that is, until you notice the small details about me, like my favorite accessories – 2 inch long acrylic nails, oh wait…was that me…or some other deviant? =)

And the Hypocrite in Me: Ramblings of a Guilty Conscience.

Michael’s post about women inspired me to explore my problems. I am plagued by the same two weaknesses. The worst, with slow but steady improvement is blind consumerism. I admit it. I’m the overqualified pin-up girl for materialism and I know it, but can’t seem to do anything about it. I love knick-knacks, dohickeys, gimmicks, widgets, Earls, Pumas and other random paraphernalia so much that not only is my room overflowing but my material accretions probably occupy half my phamily’s 250 sq. ft. shed.

As an Asian-American Studies major I’ve researched and worked in various labor organizations, assisted on an Asian-American labor documentary and recently returned home after a 5-month stay in 3^rd world Southeast Asian countries where American companies seem to increasingly “utilize” the human resources that are readily available. One would assume that after gaining all this new knowledge and experience and finding it rather disturbing, I would return home and boycott all questionably manufactured overpriced products. But then there were the puma speedcats in tan and brown http://store.nordstrom.com/product/product_brandboutique.asp?styleid=2827680&boutique=puma&category=2376778~2372811~2374870~2374886~2374889&NextStyleID=2832245&PrevStyleID=2828747 and before I knew it, I was back in square one again (especially since as we were leaving the store – when I was still glowing from my needless purchase - my brother asked me if I could guess where they were made…his hint was it starts with a ‘V’).

My second flaw, with which I have made even less progress with, is my fascination with the male species and my disregard for the old as I get caught up in new relationships. And with this, I will segue into what’s on my mind. On this hiatus from the usual hectic college lifestyle I live, I’ve had time to reflect on some of the actions I’m not so proud of. You see, I’ve had my fair share of dating, and as each relationship ends, I emerge relatively unscathed with little or no knowledge of the broken hearts and feelings I leave behind, which in the end, yields very little comprehension of the situation on my part. This is my problem and the root of a larger one.

Yet, labeling myself a heartless bitch would be a little harsh since I don’t intentionally hurt men. I mean, I’ve been on the receiving end of the hurt and I know…it’s NOT pleasant. I figure I got over it before, so these guys will too. But then there’s the way I feel about the men that did this to me. I either despise them or am disgusted by their actions, preventing me from caring about or liking them in any way. Hmm…so that would explain…

Then I start thinking, I’ve been a half of too many relationships reminiscent of Ross and Rachel…you know, the all too familiar, “…but we were on a break!” Not to mention the maintenance of friendships with my ex’s that I used to pride myself on have slowly diminished over the years. And I just want to know what the hell is wrong with me…as in, why don’t I just end it, cut and dry, as soon as I know it’s over? Because life, people and feelings are not that simple. Because someone I respect and love very much wrote, “Love does not die so much as it ceases to be believed in.” She’s right. Sometimes love is not enough. People have problems. Relationships are challenged. As your desire to be with someone fades, it doesn’t mean your love for them does too. Romantic relationships can transition to just friendships or less, but the love can still remain. And for those of us who are non-confrontational, who can’t stand to see the hurt in the face of someone we love, it just makes it all the more difficult.

And to think, I considered myself a principled person, especially when it came to other people’s feelings. There are certain things I’m just not ok with under any circumstances. For example, I once wrote an entire 15-page paper on infidelity as a social deviance just because I disapproved of it that much. I easily become upset when I hear about others being unfaithful to their partners. And when a gorgeous friend who I wanted to date so badly came to me saying he wanted to break up with his girlfriend (thus giving me a chance), I made him see just how lucky he was to have her. In the first instances that come into my mind, I passed my judgments, did my good deeds and moved on with my life.

But when it really boiled down to it, I became conveniently blind. In the situations where it was me who fell out of love but still loved, I moved along just hoping the other person would realize soon enough that it wasn't going well and say something, so I didn't have to be the bad person. Because sometimes it's easier to pretend things are ok rather than face a difficult truth. So we go through the motions, the rituals of everyday life, hoping the comfortable rhythms of familiarity will hold off the inevitable just a little longer, return things to normal...anything to buy us more time and normalcy. But just because many do it, doesn't make it right. Because finding out the truth the right way will hurt for a little bit but deception and dishonesty can ruin people forever. Because people you love or loved just don't deserve it.