Red = cut Purple = question of meaning or use Green = cut because of time; not needed Henry IV Part 2 : Take Two “We’ll Tickle Your Catastrophe!” Notes Our Cut: The Falstaff Parts Old West Theme Characters: In order of appearance Falstaff Page Mistress Quickly Fang Snare Bardolph Chief Justice Hal Poins Doll Tearsheet Play By Play: 1) Act 1 Scene 2 · Falstaff, Page · Set up: Send letter 2) Act 2, Scene 1 · Quickly, Fang, Snare, Falstaff, Page, Bardolph, Chief · Set up: 1st Bar Scene o Fal Is in debt o Quickly tries to have him arrested o Fighting ensues o In the end Fal talks his way out of trouble and all exit 3) Act 2, Scene 2 · Hal, Poins, Page, Bardolph · Set up: Page and Bar deliver letter o Hal and Poins decide to put on disguises and spy on Falstaff on his date 4) Act 2, Scene 4 · Falstaff, Doll, Quickly, Hal, Poins, Bardolph, Page
ONE (Act 1 Scene 2) FALSTAFF Sirrah, you giant, what says the doctor to my water? X =( Page turns big, yellow sample towards audience) Page (worried about Falstaff’s response) He said, sir, the water itself was a good healthy
water; but, for the party that owed it, he might
have more diseases than he knew for. FALSTAFF If the prince put thee into my service for any other reason
than to set me off, why then I have no judgment.
Thou whoreson mandrake, thou art fitter to be worn
in my cap than to wait at my heels. (page cowers) What money is in my purse? Page Seven groats and two pence. FALSTAFF I can get no remedy against this consumption of the
purse: borrowing only lingers and lingers it out,
but the disease is incurable. Go bear this letter
to the prince.
About it: you know where to find me. TWO (Act 2 Scene 1) MISTRESS QUICKLY Master Fang, have you entered the action? FANG It is entered. MISTRESS QUICKLY Where's your yeoman? Is't a lusty yeoman? will a'
stand to 't? FANG Sirrah, where's Snare? MISTRESS QUICKLY Good Master Snare. SNARE Here, here. FANG Snare, we must arrest Sir John Falstaff. MISTRESS QUICKLY Yea, good Master Snare; I have entered him and all. (Falstaff tries to fit through door during the next lines about his ferociousness) SNARE It may chance cost some of us our lives, for he will stab. MISTRESS QUICKLY He will spare neither man, woman, nor child. FANG An I but fist him once; an a' come but within my vice,-- MISTRESS QUICKLY Yonder he comes; and that errant malmsey-nose knave, his Page,
with him. (Fang and Snare rush about to get into ridiculously calm positions. Pulls out checkerboard?) Do your offices, do your offices: Master
Fang and Master Snare, do me, do me, do me your offices. Enter FALSTAFF and Page FALSTAFF How now! whose mare's dead? what's the matter? (all quiet until) FANG (putting on the plastic cuffs) Sir John, I arrest you at the suit of Mistress Quickly. FALSTAFF Away, varlets! Draw, Bardolph: cut me off the
villain's head: throw the quean in the channel. (They fight. Mistress Quickly stands back and hurtles insults. Possibly minisolocatfighting) MISTRESS QUICKLY Throw me in the channel! I'll throw thee in the
channel. Wilt thou? wilt thou? thou rogue! Murder, murder! Ah, thou honeysuckle
villain! wilt thou kill God's officers and the
king's? Ah, thou honey-seed rogue! thou art a
honey-seed, a man-queller, and a woman-queller. FALSTAFF Keep them off, Bardolph. FANG A rescue! a rescue! MISTRESS QUICKLY Good people, bring a rescue or two. Thou wo't, wo't
thou? Thou wo't, wo't ta? do, do, thou rogue! do,
thou hemp-seed! PAGE Away, you scullion! you rampallion! You
fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe. (pause. Beat. Then: funny tickling look. See Jen or Anna) Enter the Lord Chief-Justice, and his men Lord Chief-Justice What is the matter? keep the peace here, ho! MISTRESS QUICKLY Good my lord, be good to me. I beseech you, stand to me.
Lord Chief-Justice How now, Sir John! what are you brawling here? MISTRESS QUICKLY O most worshipful lord, an't please your grace, I am
a poor widow of Eastcheap, and he is arrested at my suit.
Lord Chief-Justice
For what sum? MISTRESS QUICKLY It is more than for some, my lord; it is for all,
all I have. He hath eaten me out of house and home;
he hath put all my substance into that fat belly of
his: but I will have some of it out again. (Quick motions as if to cut open his belly, Fang motions hanging, Snare motions some other form of death.)
Lord Chief-Justice
How comes this, Sir John? Fie! Are you not ashamed to enforce a poor widow to so
rough a course to come by her own? FALSTAFF What is the gross sum that I owe thee? MISTRESS QUICKLY Marry, if thou wert an honest man, thyself and the
money too. Thou didst swear to me to marry me and make me my lady
thy wife. Canst thou deny it? And didst thou not kiss me and bid me
fetch thee thirty shillings? Deny it, if thou canst. FALSTAFF My lord, this is a poor mad soul; the truth is,
poverty hath distracted her. But for these foolish
officers, I beseech you I may have redress against them. (Fang and Snare react accordingly)
Lord Chief-Justice
Sir John, Sir John, I am well acquainted with your
manner of wrenching the true cause the false way. Pray thee, peace. Pay her the debt you owe her, and
unpay the villany you have done her: the one you
may do with sterling money, and the other with
current repentance. FALSTAFF Come hither, hostess. (He cozies up to her and whispers. Meanwhile:) Lord Chief-Justice Now, Master, what news? GOWER The king, my lord, and Harry Prince of Wales
Are near at hand: the rest the paper tells. (attention shift to Quick and Fal) MISTRESS QUICKLY By this heavenly ground I tread on, I must be fain
to pawn both my plate and the tapestry of my
dining-chambers. FALSTAFF Let it be ten pound, if thou canst. Come, an 'twere not for thy humours, there's
not a better wench in England. Go, wash thy face,
and draw the action. Come, thou must not be in
this humour with me; dost not know me? come, come, I
know thou wast set on to this. MISTRESS QUICKLY Well, you shall have it, though I pawn my gown. Will you have Doll Tearsheet meet you at supper? FALSTAFF No more words; let's have her. Lord Chief-Justice Sir John, you loiter here too long. (Fang and Snare forcefully remove Fal. The letter falls. Bardolph picks it up, Falstaff tells him to “go” and “hook on, hook on”) THREE (Act 2, Scene 2) PRINCE HENRY Before God, I am exceeding weary. POINS Is't come to that? I had thought weariness durst not
have attached one of so high blood. PRINCE HENRY Faith, it does me; though it discolours the
complexion of my greatness to acknowledge it. Doth
it not show vilely in me to desire small beer? POINS Why, a prince should not be so loosely studied as
to remember so weak a composition. PRINCE HENRY Belike then my appetite was not princely got; for,
by my troth, I do now remember the poor creature,
small beer. But, indeed, these humble
considerations make me out of love with my
greatness. POINS By the mast, here comes Bardolph Enter BARDOLPH and Page BARDOLPH God save your grace! PRINCE HENRY And yours, most noble Bardolph! And how doth thy master, Bardolph? BARDOLPH Well, my lord. He heard of your grace's coming to
town: there's a letter for you. POINS [Reads] 'John Falstaff, knight,'--every man must
know that, as oft as he has occasion to name
himself: PRINCE HENRY But to the letter. [Reads] 'Sir John Falstaff, knight, to the son of
the king, nearest his father, Harry Prince of
Wales, greeting.' POINS Why, this is a certificate. PRINCE HENRY Peace! [Reads] 'I will imitate the honourable Romans in
brevity:' POINS he sure means brevity in breath, short-winded. PRINCE 'I commend me to thee, I commend
thee, and I leave thee. Be not too familiar with
Poins; for he misuses thy favours so much, that he
swears thou art to marry his sister Nell. Repent
at idle times as thou mayest; and so, farewell.
Thine, by yea and no, which is as much as to
say, as thou usest him, JACK FALSTAFF with my
familiars, JOHN with my brothers and sisters,
and SIR JOHN with all Europe.' POINS
My lord, I'll steep this letter in sack and make him eat it. PRINCE HENRY But do you use me thus, Ned? must I marry your sister? POINS God send the wench no worse fortune! But I never said so. PRINCE HENRY
Is your master here in London? BARDOLPH Yea, my lord. PRINCE HENRY Where sups he? doth the old boar feed in the old frank? BARDOLPH At the old place, my lord, in Eastcheap. PRINCE HENRY What company? Sup any women with him? Page None, my lord, but old Mistress Quickly and
Mistress Doll Tearsheet. PRINCE HENRY Shall we steal upon them, Ned, at supper? | 
