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| Just so that you know... Your eyes still make me smile. When you touch my hand, my heart skips a beat and I would try my very hardest to hold back.
My ventilator is coming off.
<3
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| If you ever need me, I'm never too far away.
<3
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| Guess What?<3 I'm still here. | | |
| I've had it.I don't appreciate liars, especially ones that lie about my friends and myself and the status between us and you.
I don't like how I'm labeled as a "tag-along" by you just because I chose my best friends' side over you. I WILL ALWAYS CHOOSE THEIR SIDE OVER ANYONE. I paid your fucking money. I didn't even get a fucking "thank you" from you. That fucking says a lot about you.
I also hate the fact you think you're above everyone else. Guess what? You're not. And everyone hates it. It's the truth. Stop being so damn controlling and listen to what your club members have to offer. If you don't like it, you ditch their ideas. You don't even consider them at all. You're so closed-minded, not just the club, but with everything.
You're supposed to be a social club WITH cultural awareness. Where's the social part of it? I don't see much going on, at least, not with you towards your club.
I don't appreciate the shit-talking you tell about us to others and telling everyone in your club what's up. We don't go shit talk about you in public. So why do that shit to us? You know the shit you say will somehow be known by us eventually, so why say it? You're just embarrassing yourself. Stop it.
I don't like how we're labeled by your new members as the "other group." What the fuck is wrong with you? Speak to the club about club business, NOT YOUR BUSINESS. We're actually not that bad of a group, you know? We're actually chill and fun to be with. You would know, right? Oh wait. You think the shit we do is "boring" and "unfun." Ok fine. If staying in your house is fun to you, then by all means, it's fun. It's not fun for us though. We like to go out for fun.
I don't like this idea about certain members (meaning all of us right?) are "banned." Who fucking died and made you change all the rules all of a sudden? That's not what the club stands for. It's what YOU fucking stand for. Stop being a bitch about it. I like the fucking idea how you think last week at the park was a way for us to sabotage your club. We're not here to fucking ruin the club or do something stupid to you. We were there to see OUR friends, but WE had FUCKING RESPECT for your little "BAN" RULE. Notice also that people wanted to come and see us as well. You've got a little growing up to do. Ok maybe not a little. A LOT. You said to them, "No, they're not even in the club. Don't go see them. THEY'RE BANNED." Maybe we're not the immature ones. Look in a mirror. You'll see an immature and selfish person.
I like how you think we're immature because we left the club. Did we take a fucking blood oath to join for life? Is it mandatory for us to join? Some of us went to the meetings. Let me tell you, personally: I didn't feel so fucking invited... by you, at least.
We're not the immature ones. YOU ARE. Grow the fuck up and stop letting your friends handle your own shit and letting them be your fucking messengers. If you're scared to come up to us, even with your posse, then you don't even deserve your current position. Some leader you are (or trying to be).
I HAVE A REALLY FUCKING BAD WEEK. Finding out the shit that YOUR members and our wide circle of friends tell us is fucking downright unnecessary for what I have to fucking go through this week. I've had it with you. At first, it didn't bother me at all. Now it's just sad and pointless to what you're trying to reach out to the community about us. You're making yourself look bad. Nobody likes liars. | | |
| It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday.As of 2PM yesterday, my grandmother had a cardiac arrest. The doctors/nurses were able to revive her heart, but she became unconscious and brain dead... she slipped into a coma. With failing blood pressure and nothing but respirator to pass oxygen through her body, all my family and me could do was watch helplessly and pray.
I arrived at the hospital at 8PM. It was the first time I saw my Inay motionless in the hospital bed. It was a wonder to me how she can get to this state when she was talking and smiling a week ago. It was hard seeing her. Just looking at the respirator helping her breathe made my insides churn. I didn't want to look anymore.
Four hours in the hospital, the nurses asked for the children of my Inay's. Everyone looked at each other. Everyone knew what that meant. Emotions ran deep, everyone started to cry. I stared to cry. It was a cry I didn't feel for a long time. It was one of those "I can do nothing, but cry" cries. The nurses announced to my dad, uncles and aunt that they would stop the medications and Ivies that helped sustain her blood pressure. She would still be placed on the respirator, but without the medications, it would be only a matter of time before she passes.
A little before 4AM, my Inay... the grandmother who took care of my cousins and myself when we were kids, the grandmother that made our favorite toast w/ butter and sugar served with Tang with a hint of sugar, MY grandmother who fought through a lot of complications... was surrounded by all her children and grandchildren by her deathbed. She passed away peacefully.
I never really experienced death in my own family like this before. I was only a child when my grandfather and uncle died, far too young to understand what was going on. Death is a horrible experience to witness, but I found out today that in death, it brings your family more closer together. My Inay is in a happier place and I know my Tatay and her are watching out for my family now.
I love you Inay. Watch over us.
I'll see you on the other side.
...and you better have a plate of buttery sugary toast with a cold glass of Tang ready when I get there.
<3
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For those who would like to go to the viewing and funeral:
The viewing will be on Friday and Saturday.
The funeral will be on Sunday.
It will take place at Forest Lawn @ Glendale. I don't know the time yet, but as soon as I know, I'll post it. | | |
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&&t&mp&t
