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fingers_mcguire
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Name: Rachel
Country: United States
Birthday: 9/24/1984
Interests: music
Expertise: practicing at 6 AM, going to bed early, doing my homework, breaking things, spilling things, making messes, losing my glasses and my hairbrush, alphabetizing my CDs, organizing things, etc. i'm OCD about stuff like that. i like music, running, ice skating, dancing, scrapbooking, practicing piano, watching movies with my mom late at night, sudoku, frogs, and mooses.
Occupation: student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Fingers McGuire
MSN: fingers_mcguire
Member Since:
2/19/2003
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| I feel like this song a lotWe go out to a party somewhere
The moment we walk in the door
People stop and everybody stares
She don't know what they're staring for
She don't know she's beautiful (never crossed her mind)
She don't know she's beautiful (no she's not that kind)
She don't know she's beautiful
Though time and time I've told her so
There she goes just walking down the street
And someone lets a whistle out
A girl like her she just can't see
What the fuss is all about
And she don't know she's beautiful (never crossed her mind)
She don't know she's beautiful (no she's not that kind)
She don't know she's beautiful
Though time and time I've told her so
Morning comes and her hair's all a mess
That's when she thinks she looks her worst
It's times like this she don't know why
I can't take my eyes off her
'Cause she don't know she's beautiful (never crossed her mind)
She don't know she's beautiful (no she's not that kind)
She don't know she's beautiful
Though time and time I've told her
She don't know she's beautiful (never crossed her mind)
She don't know she's beautiful (no she's not that kind)
She don't know she's beautiful
Though time and time I've told her
She don't know she's beautiful (never crossed her mind)
She don't know she's beautiful (no she's not that kind)
She don't know she's beautiful
Though time and time I've told her so | | |
| 2008 God is workingGod has been shaping me in 2008, and this is it, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
This has been a rough year. Spring semester killed me, in more ways than one. My living situation was less than ideal, most of you already know the details, and I'm sick of telling them. It ripped me apart. I couldn't eat or sleep. I couldn't concentrate to do homework, I was forever going off campus to research and write my film music paper. I would just sit staring at the walls for hours at a time, and I would lay awake at night until I cried myself to sleep. I know that there are things that I just grew numb too, no sleep and no food. I'm not trying to blame the person or situation or anything, I just need to say some things. This whole thing has turned into an eating disorder, and its not the first time. That was almost 8 years ago after Myssy died, and it didn't get very bad that time. The second time was after Grandma died, thats when I ended up passed out on the floor in a practice room with Dan and Alex. I've always sort of been mad and bitter about trying to change it. I knew that it was wrong, and unhealthy, and it didn't make me any happier. But I still didn't want to stop. It would eventually go away, and that would be that. This time its not going away. I spent most of the semester eating about one meal's worth of food over the course of a day, some days less. Sometimes on weekends I would have nothing but cereal for breakfast and coffee after church. I worked out more than I ever have. Even while we were in Europe, I kept losing weight. I've dropped 2 pant sizes since Christmas, and I've lost over 10 pounds since the beginning of May. I'm finally recognizing how much of a problem this is becoming. My mom has been making these great meals since I've been home, and I can't even eat them. I eat a sandwich for lunch at work, and thats it. Today I ate the apple that has been in my bag since Monday, but Monday's granola bar is still there. I used to hate feeling hungry, now it just feels normal. Now I'm trying to stop, its just going to take time.
God has been at work on me a lot this semester too. Its amazing how he can work through me, and in spite of me. I was devastated in
January when I didn't get into UW. Not so devastated that they didn't
like the CD, it was horrible because my hand was broken, but more
devastated because I didn't know what I was going to do. I like to have control, to know whats going to happen. I knew nothing. Now, 5 months later, I'm excited
about the prospects of a year off. I'm considering about a half dozen
different schools (Madison, Milwaukee, U of Indiana, Northwestern,
Iowa, U of Illinois, etc) and I'm thinking about doing performance and
musicology for masters instead of waiting for do musicology later. I
have so many ideas for repertoire and research, but I'm excited to do
some practicing and research on my own time schedule. I'm really
excited too about being able to spend some time with my family and
friends at home.
God was working in Europe too, in so many places. In Stuttgart Naomi and I stayed with Angelica, a women who had starting doing drugs, drinking, and having sex by the time she was 12. She had had 2 abortions by the time she was 26, and had a couple of her kids out of wedlock. She finally married the father, but he left her later. Somewhere after they married she met Christ. I was blown away by her love and faith in Christ amidst everything she has been through. I've just spent 4 wonderful years at a Christian school surrounded by professors and students who love the Lord, and I am selfish and spoiled. God was working in situations in the choir too, like having computers and money stolen. There are so many worse things that could have happened. Not one of us was physically harmed while we were there, and we could have had passports stolen. God knew what he was doing.
I've seen God work a lot since I've been back stateside also. Today I had my car in to have the brakes checked. $700+ to get new rear ones, forget that I'll borrow the parents' for the summer and then figure something out. It doesn't really seem all that bad a thing, to be down a set of wheels. My lumina got me through 5 years of college, 4 years at TIU. Kinda funny that something would happen right after I'm back at home. My insurance was due on June 2, so I should be able to get the majority of it back. I had planned to buy Finale for my mac but hadn't done that yet. Finally, I had been trying to help a friend get out of a really bad family situation. Some stuff happened there and that fell through so I'm not out that money either. All in all, I'm not so hard pressed for money at the moment, and since I'm not going on to grad school right away I can try to put some money aside and maybe even wait to get a car until next summer.
About my back, some of you know that the last few days of tour I was having horrific tension in my back and left arm. It hasn't really gone away. A normal dose of Tylenol helped for a while, but I've been taking 300 mg several times a day since last weekend and it still bothers me. The chiropractor actually made it worse last week. Its been keeping me awake at night, and I'm lucky that most of what I do at work is with the computer and not writing or I'd be sunk. I want to thank all the choir people who kept and eye on me those last couple days - John, Jeremiah, Lydia, Garrett, Heather, and Zach especially, I probably forgot some - thanks for carrying my suitcase and giving me massages and drugs. It really meant a lot to me to know how much you all cared. I'm going out to Grand Rapids next week to see Zach's masseuse, the one who got rid of David Bell's carpal tunnel. I'm hoping that will fix it, I just have to hang on until then.
One final thing about school this semester. Somehow in the midst of not being able to concentrate, sleep, or eat, I
pulled off a 3.98! Thanks to Dr Paul for my only A-, in piano ensemble of all things.
That pushed me over 3.7 to Magna Cum Laude!
Finally, I just wanted to thank all of you who have known about this stuff as its been happening. I really appreciate the encouragement that you have all been to me. I'm really stubborn, but you have been there to stand beside me, not judging me but holding me up. For those of you who this is news too, I'm sorry to have kept so much from people that I love. I've been hurting for a long time, and it makes me want to keep everything for myself. I'm so glad to have ALL of you as friends. God has truly blessed me through you, the body of Christ is such a blessing. I'm excited to see what God will do through you in the rest of 2008! | | |
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Here is my heart take what you want
'Cause I have no use for it anyway
Well of all the stupid things I've ever said
This could be the worst may be the best
But those are the breaks
These are the bruises
And if I can't give myself away I'm the only one who loses
And I don't want to lose this
It is the sea that makes the sailor
And the land that shapes the sea
And I do not know yet what I am made of
Or all I may someday be
And it is the wood that makes a carpenter
It's the very tools of his trade
And it is love that makes a lover
And a cross that makes a saint
Here is my song listen if you will
But I have no heart for it anymore
I just have half a mind to cut it loose
And if it sails off into the blue
Then I'll just let it soar
And the sky is better keeping
And I won't be any poorer
For giving it its freedom
And here's one for freedom
It is the sea that makes the sailor
And the land that shapes the sea
And I do not know yet what I am made of
Or all I may someday be
It is the wood that makes a carpenter
It's the very tools of his trade
And it is love that makes a lover
And a cross that makes a saint
Well of all the stupid things I've ever said
This could be the worst may be the best
But those are the breaks
And I do not know yet what I am made of
Or all I may someday be
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| Its still one of my all time favorites ...It was just another story printed on the second page
Underneath the Tiger's football score
It said he was only eighteen, a boy about my age
They found him face down on the bedroom floor
They found him face down on his bedroom floor
There'll be services on Friday at the Lawrence Funeral Home
Then out on Mooresville highway, they'll lay him 'neath a stone...
How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody know
Did his girlfriend break up with him, did he buy or steal that gun?
Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol?
Did his Mom and Daddy forget to say I love you son?
Did no one see the writing on the wall?
I'm not blamin' anybody, we all do the best we can
I know hindsight's 20/20, but I still don't understand...
How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody know
It was just another story printed on the second page
Underneath the Tiger's football score... | | |
| Stealing CinderellaI came to see her daddy for sit down man to man
It wasn't any secret i'd be asking for her hand
I guess that's why he left me waiting in the living room by myself
with at least a dozen pictures of her sitting on a shelf [Chorus;] She was playing Cinderella
She was riding her first bike
Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight
Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin
Dancing with her dad, looking up at him
In her eyes i'm Prince Charming
But to him i'm just some fella
riding in and stealing Cinderella I leaned in towards those pictures to get a better look at one
When I heard a voice behind me say "Now, ain't she something, son?"
I said "Yes, she quite a woman" and he just stared at me
Then I realized that in his eyes she would always be Playing Cinderella
Riding her first bike
Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight
Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin
Dancing with her dad, looking up at him
In her eyes i'm Prince Charming
But to him i'm just some fella riding in and stealing Cinderella He slapped me on the shoulder
Then he called her in the room
When she threw her arms around him
That's when I could see it too She was Playing Cinderella
Riding her first bike
Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight
Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin
Dancing with her dad, looking up at him
If he gives me a hard time
I can't blame the fella
I'm the one who's stealing Cinderella | | |
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