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| six gunKnife in the table, you finger the hammer,
feel the weight of the cold steel as your body twitches,
everyone with baited breath, skin it kid, or do you seek your death?
They said it's hard to be a man with a gun in your hand,
if that's the truth then this may be your last chance.
Rip it from the leather, the bullets fly by.
Ice water shoots through his veins and he takes his shot. And he takes his shot, and he takes his shot.
A red flinch as lead snaps sinew,
This is nothing new, it's happened before
Cold flows through one arm then a shoulder,
How long is it going to last this time?
Paint the floor burgundy then embrace it,
How long can you fight it like this? How long?
Ice flows straight through his veins and he takes his shot, he takes his shot, he takes his shot.
No cargo is worth this, no cargo could be worth this.
Bail it out into the sea, faced with your own mortality,
There is no paycheck for the dead, they don't need it,
Those back on land depend on you, live to fight instead,
Turn the key in the lock, and breath, just breath,
When it's all over, keep a weather eye for hope.
More rounds fly, this time we die
Slip over the edge into the blind eternity.
Ice flows all through his lungs and he slips below, he slips below, he slips below.
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| Re-toolin'It's time for a face lift and a revamp of the old xanga. I have decided I need an area to spill out stupid little scraps that may or may not technically constitute creative writing. Basically, when I am incredibly lazy or just playing around with a thought this is where it will end up if it's creative. If it's political, philosophical, religious, or just not fictional, then it will be over at my other blog, http://americanlove.wordpress.com/ . That is really all.
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| on the swirling seething masses of humanity clinging to this valed and quickly fading shroi ran out of room in the title. which is sad because i was really on a roll. its hard to believe that after nineteen years of living a privileged life as middle class white kid that i could turn out half as bitter and angry as i did. i find this dissapointing, because i have no excuse to be this way. maybe its not so much the norm, but i cant help but feel like i should never be this way. i try to use that anger as a motivator, it normally works, but right now i have no positive direction to send it in, and its hard to just let things go in life. at least it is for me. and thats another thing. as a christian i should be forgiving because ive been forgiven of so much. for instance, i have picked up a penchant for swearing. not allowed mindd you, but as lewis black said, under the statutes and limitations of the catholic church and soemthing i believe if youve thought you may as well have said it. the trouble i dont feel convicted about it in the least, but theres a mental construct that goes off in my mind that tells me i shouldnt. my view of language is that if the word fits then thats what needs to be said. unfortunately no one else around me sees it that way, so if a certain word really fits the situation, you have to check yourself. it doesnt matter if there are no other words that are strong enough to fit the situation. which is really frustrating. because when someone deeply hurts you or someone you care a lot about and the person inflicting the pain doesnt care (gah, needs more weight!), there's just no substitute for [what really needs to be said]. (this is really frustrating) there are some words in the english language that just fit the situation, even if its not socially acceptable. and you know what, almost every time the occasion to use those words has come up its because some wrong has happened. they say two wrongs dobt make a right, but you know what? i really find that the language used in response to some idiot screwing up real bad is appropriate. but you cant keep such a mind set as a youth pastor. and that is where i am bound. social structures are so insane.
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| ROYAL F!like i said...its everywhere:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/business/pascualama.asp
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| the world is effed up.i guess that while im going to college for youth ministry and during an internship for a middle school youth group is a bad time for a faith crisis, but these things dont really wait for the right time now, do they? i guess whats really getting me these days is the problem of pain. not the book, although i probably should read it with this wieghing so heavily on me. seriously, everyone i know goes through so many hard times as a christian. some of them seem to have more problems than people who arent christians. and really everywhere around me there are instances of homicides, genocides, starvation, torture, self-mutilation, and mortal fascination. to be honest, im indifferent when it comes to death, when i die itll be my time and there's nothing im going to do about it. my friends all deal with relational issues all the time. i know the pat answers for pain, its God's way to grow us, it's good for us, it's the side effects of sin, people are complicated, and so on. but really, i cant help but feel like every now and then these are cop outs handed down from generation of christians to another. i understand that pain is a part of life and christianity is not about ease in this life, but should life really suck so much for christians?
what's got me thinking about this is a bit i read from a philosopher who was reasoning on whether or not God existed. his thoughts went something like this:
there are several posibilities when dealing with pain and God.
God wants to get rid of pain and can do it.
God wants to get rid of pain but cannot.
God does not want to get rid of pain and he can.
God does not want to get rid of pain and cannot.
since there is pain in the world, the first argument is moot. if there is pain in the world and God can do something about it and God wants to then it would be done.
If God wants to get rid of pain but can't this wouldd mean that God is impotent.
if God does not want to get rid of pain even though he can He is evil.
If God does not want to get rid of pain and cannot, He is evil and impotent.
i struggle with these arguments because i do not believe God is evil and i do believe he can get rid of pain. but this still doesnt answer my questions. hatred, agony, deception, pain, its all there in the human equation and there is no answer out there that i see as being viable or that doesnt smack of fresh out of the christianity can. maybe there's an answer out there, but the probability is there isnt because the reasons behind what happens are beyond our grasp and it just confuses the hell out of us.
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