It's monday.  That amazing day, at the beginning of the workweek.  Mondays go by so much quicker than other days, for some reason.  I'm also in a great mood, because I got to talk to my lovely Alex this morning.  She has the ability to make any day an amazing one.  And all she has to do is be there (in whatever form...e-mail, phone, text....the best one is actually BEING there).

So far, so good at work.  Busy ish morning, but no real stress.  I've been trying to apply Brother Lawrence's "Practicing the Presence of God" method of meeting with God.  Which is basically, wherever you are, pray.  What ever you're doing, pray.  Try to keep God on your mind, and meditate on his word.  It's not easy, trust me.  I keep it up for about 5 minutes, but then I realize two hours later that I haven't been doing it.  It's VITAL to living in a relationship with God though.  5 minute morning quiet times are important, but don't cut it.  Being Spirit led is the only way we can make it in this world.

Speaking of making it in this world, I've had some rough news this weekend.  I need to pay Keene 8,500 by August 1.  I'm so thankful for the money the gave me (it would have been like 10,000), and I've been working.  But it still doesn't make ends meet.  I'm trusting that God's will will be done (and I'm really scared that taking a semster/year off might be it....).  But I'm trusting him.  I've emailed the school, and will be calling them, so I'm hoping that they have some good ways to help me.  I'm inevitably going to have to take out a loan, I think.  But, I hate the idea of debt.  All I know is that God knows what he's doing.  So I'm trusting in Him to pull me through, whatever that may mean.  I'm surprisingly prepared to do whatever needs to be done. 

I'm not giving up on this semester though.  That's one thing for certain.  I'm praying that God will open doors, and shut doors as he chooses. 

So, please be praying.  

Love you all.  Have a great day! 

Another hectic Morning.  Those seem to happen a lot here.  Oh well.  It's all part of a days work, I suppose.  I'm very thankful for a job, so I do my best to work my hardest. 

I finished reading "Tuesdays with Morrie", which I recommend to everyone, if you haven't read it.  It's about the author reconnecting with an old college professor who is dying.  The book chronicles lots of the wise professors thoughts and feelings about things like family, life, and the greatest of all, Love.  It's a great book, and a pretty quick read.  I could definatly read it again soon, it's one of those books that you NEED to read over and over to get everything out of it. 

My next book choice is kind of up in the air.  I try to keep it down to 2 books at once.  Generally one is some sort of christian living/theological book, and the other is any sort of novel, or fiction.  And then of course, there's my bible reading.  That's my tier system...haha.  the other book I'm reading for my Christian Living selection is "The Wounded Spirit" by frank peretti.  It's sort of an autobiographical story slash book about childhood experiences that follow us into adulthood and wound our spirits.  It's pretty good, and also a relatively quick read.  I started it, and within an hour or two, I was more than halfway through. 

I think my next novels are going to be that one series I picked up "Soul Tracker."  I have to put the circle trilogy on hold, cause I never finished the second book, and had to return it to the Lib (and it was an inter-library loan, so I can't just get it again without waiting...again). 

After the Peretti one though, I don't know WHAT to tackle next.  I'm thinking I should finally crack open that C.S. Lewis collection I have, and read that.  I'm slowly regaining the passion I once had for reading.  And I'm a little more focused on one (or two) at a time and MAKING SURE I finish them.  I have so many half read books lying around.  It's time I finally finish a few. 

I'm also starting to come out of my writer's block.  I'm writing THESE again, that's a good start.  Though I haven't really written many new poems or songs, I'm losing the annoying "dissatisfied with all my work" attitude.  The one where you read something you've done, and hate it.  I'm regaining a sense of "that's actually not all that bad".

It's funny....All this regaining of interest and confidence is pretty preportional to my spending time with God more.  Giving him a bigger focus.  It's true, everything DOES start to line up with your relationship to God.

Well lunch is coming to  a close. I get to help my dad clean up his shop this afternoon.  Yaaay.

 

I love you all.  Leave good comments! 

 

Lunch is over in 5 minutes

I haven't updated in months...

I don't know what I'm going to say. But I feel that I should say something

This weekend was amazing.  Got to spend it with family, and my wonderful Girlfriend.  We saw the fireworks, played with sparklers, went to a cookout or two, hung out with Mikey and Nate, took a walk, talked about stuff.  It was basically an amazing weekend. 

Can't wait until the fall, when I can stop referring to JUST weekends with Alex.
Although, weekdays will be busy, but I'm sure we'll still have many stories to share.

I honestly can't wait.  I'm just trusting God to help me through whatever financial stuff.  His word says to trust in him, and don't lean on what I see, but to just keep walking, and he'll direct my paths. 

So I'm moving forward.

 

Love you all!

 

So, this whole year, I've been learning bits and pieces of what has come to a head yesterday at church.  Romans talks about the very BASIS of all Christianity.  On the level of our sin nature, versus spirit living.  How we're born as sin-filled people, and when we accept Christ, we are no longer slaves to that sin (he also redeems us from it) and we begin living by the Holy spirit working in our spirit. 

    It's like having this boss.  His name is Sin.  You do everything for him that he wants you to do.  Eventually you get fed up, and get transferred to the boss above him, Christ, and you live by him.  Now, you can always BET that the old boss will come knocking on your office door to get you to do what you used to do for him, but you work for the spirit now.  That's an odd allegory, but it works...

Be warned that I'm still coming to terms with all this.  Romans can not be read in a day....(haha).  Sure, you can read it, but you can't really understand it if you fly through it to check off your "Read the Bible in a Year" list.  Paul has this uncanny ability to confuse the heck out of you while making the most sense in the world. 

Anyways, my problem has been that I sin.  Who doesn't?  But I realized also that my spirit seems asleep.  I think after so long of just ignoring it and sinning, you start building a wall, and you become insensitive to those times when you're blatantly sinning and the Spirit is screaming at you to stop.  My problem is that all my life I've just been trying to deal with the sin, and never really living by the Spirit.  Sin is only part of sins problem, the heart of the issue is who you're working for.  Cause if you're living by the Spirit, God will show you how to walk things out, and take care of what HE knows needs to be taken care of.  We have no clue how to deal with ourselves.  God made us.  Doesn't it make sense to let him take the lead?

I've grown up pentecostal.  The most embracing of spirit-living.  The thing is (like any doctrine based Denom.) it's over taught and often misunderstood.  I remember church camp, and them stressing being baptized by the holy spirit (with evidence of tongues...that's the Assembly of God way....without that, you haven't really been baptized......please...)   I remember year after year feeling that I've failed God somehow, because year after year everyone around me was getting filled and I wasn't. 
    I wonder how many of those kids still embrace the gift that God has given them.  I wonder how many were just theatrics so they would look good in front of others.  I wonder if they truly understand the weight of what God has given us as Christians.

I realize now that God wanted me to grasp the weight of the issue, before giving me something for the "Pentecostal Check off List"  I know that through what I've  been learning that The Holy Spirit is at the heart of Christian living.  And that there are two types of Christians.  Those who live by the law, and those who live by the Spirit.  Rules and regulations produce pharisees.  The spirit produces people who follow Gods rules, cause they're embedded by the Spirit.  

So yesterday, we had one of our resident Missionaries come back from Honduras, and give the word.  And it was all about how Christians NEED the spirit to operate.   And how satan's biggest lie is to Christians saying "what can YOU do?"  I had an awesome time at the alter.  I prayed for God to help me to live by the Spirit, and awaken mine.  I listed off my biggest plans, and desires, and gave them all over to him.  I wept for the lost people like I never have before, and began to realize the power of a Big God in a little me. 

    that's a small little bit of the stuff going through my head lately.  It probably doesn't make sense, but if it does (or doesn't) let me know, and I'll be glad to try and explain myself.  I pray that all of you come to a similar understanding of God's amazing gift for you. 

    I still haven't spoken in tongues or anything, but I don't think that it's the necessity for being spirit filled.  I know that I felt God in a way I never have, and that I've been much more resilient to sin, and much more sensitive to what God is telling me.  I know that my life is going to be different now.  I'm no longer a slave to sin, but a slave to the Spirit.  I'm ready to walk with a new empowerment, a new focus, and God's desire surging through my veins.      

So, my day was awesome.  I had a great recital.  I had a great conversation with my love!  I had a great nap.  Rehearsal for 3 hours...not so amazing, but I got to sing, so that was good. 

After all that, I went to a meeting with the new executive board for Campus Crusade for Christ. We met with this guy named Tim Carpenter and talked about what our vision for next year was.  We talked about a lot of amazing stuff.  So basically, I'm on fire for next year, and the rest of this one...I probably won't sleep well tonight.  I just want to read my bible, and pray.  All night.  That'd be awesome.

So, I'm rediscovering MercyMe.  You know, that band that did the awesome song "I can only Imagine"  Well imagine this:they have MUCH more than that one song.  I've yet to hear a bad song.  I just downloaded three CDs.  Every song is just....so well worded, and SOUNDS good.  NOthing is fluff.  So, I'd encourage you to try listening to them.  GOOD, authentic christian music is getting hard to find.  These guys are totally following hard after God, and making Godly music.  It's such an inspiration. 
Casting Crowns has it's moments, but they have their "swing and a miss" songs.  Not so much (so far) with MercyMe. 
Of course, I still love good ol Keith Green most when it comes to my inspiration as a christian songwriter, and singer.  There's not a wasted song, at ALL. 

So, today was Amazing for me in taking steps toward being confident.  Getting up on stage was a huge step.  Having a positive God attitude was the defining factor.  Man, this has just been a great day.  I can't really show my huge, beaming smile in a xanga entry.  These words you're reading are hardly a representation of what I'm feeling right now.  I feel like my spirit is awake for the first time in a while.  An excitement I haven't felt in a while.  I'm so excited for people to start noticing, so I can start telling them that they can have the same freedom.
The "I'm happy for you" response will only have me telling you "You should get in on this!"
I'm gonna try bed. 

Good luck sam.

Classes are going to be a fight to stay awake.  I'm prepared to stay up if I have to.  I just want to read right now. 

Love you all!!!