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Monday, October 10, 2005

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

{ warning :: this is VERY LONG!! beware, the user is not responsible for any boring contents you might read.. }

i have a lot of be thankful for this year. first of all, i am thankful for being alive, for being able to experience life to the fullest. i owe a big of gratitude to my parents for always being there, caring for us & especially for the little things that they do. i am also thankful for having all the necessities my parents provide for me.

i thank God for my second family, my FRIENDS.. although, many things changed this year, i thank those who stayed & never left; even when times were rough.. i've learned so much from you guys & i wouldn't know what i'd do without you all.

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a special shoutout to my st. pat's friends:: i know that we all went our separate ways but i want you guys to know that i'll never forget all our times together; whether it'd be good or bad.. our 5 years together is unforgettable & even though we're separated, we'll always be friends no matter what.

to the rest of my friends, i'm always here for you guys whenever you need me.. you know i'm only a call away & it doesn't matter what time you call, i'm always here.

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i'd never thought i'd say this but i'm thankful for all the pain that i've experienced this past year. from broken friendships, to broken promises & especially broken hearts. if it weren't for these experiences, i would've never known my own strength. i couldn't see it then but now i know that everything happens for a reason.

to all those friendships broken, i'm sorry that i didn't try hard enough to fix our problems. i let my pride get the best of me & now there's nothing i can do anymore.. if only i apologized, would things have changed? would we still be friends? well, i guess our friendships weren't strong enough & i learned to appreciate those who are always there for me. although we are no longer friends, it doesn't mean that i've forgotten about you guys. i'll always treasure the times we shared & i wish you all the best of luck in the future..

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to those who made me promises that they couldn't keep, i thank you for breaking them, because i realized that promises aren't forever. i'm sorry to that person that i once promised forever. i told you i'd never leave you to assure you & because i was afraid you would leave me. even though, i'd always knew that i would someday break that promise, it still it hurts to know how right i was. you made me so many promises & none of those promises stood against the test of time. it's because of you that i will no longer hold onto promises because you reminded of something i'd already knew; that promises are made to be broken.. from now on, i'll only promise to do my best because the future is unpredictable.

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to those many that broke my heart in the past, i am thankful for having all of you come into my life because i realized that i am capable of standing alone.

to that person that i trusted the most, thank you for losing my trust, despite the never ending arguments & fights, the tears & all the hurt you caused me; because i realized that love isn't always enough. you knew everything about me but ironically, you never really understood me. everyone told me i shouldn't be with you but i listened to my heart instead. you fooled me and i was too blind to see it, which is why you left me no choice but to leave. i'd never thought i'd get over you but i survived. no matter how harsh it might sound, the truth is i'm better off without you. even though i still can't forgive you, i have to thank you because you saved me from making the biggest mistake of my life.. if you didn't hurt me, i wouldn't have realized that i was never in love with you. although we're not meant to be, i want to thank you because you made me want to be the person that i once was, before we met.

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*you know who you are*

last but not least, i want to thank you for being in my life. i haven't been happy in a long time but you changed that. i really hope that things work out the way it's supposed to and i hope that whatever happens, we'll both be happy in the end. =)

Thursday, September 22, 2005

first of all, i ONLY asked you why you were messaging me again, so why are you assuming i want to fight? why would i waste my time fighting with you, anyway? second of all, i AM better than that, so stop judging me. i NEVER even SAID ANYTHING ELSE so why are you getting mad over nothing? you dont want to fight? wow.. thats the first time i've heard that from you. well, i dont want to fight either, which is why i ended our relationship a LONG TIME AGO.. you claim you're not the same person then why are you twisting my words and taking things the wrong way? i'm not the same person anymore who would break down over your words, so please stop playing games with me because i'm so tired of it.

in my opinion, you still haven't changed one bit.. if you have, then prove it because your words dont mean a thing to me anymore. i dont even know why you want to be friends now when i literally gave you HUNDREDS of chances in the past.. what i want to know is, WHY NOW? it's been so long so why are you trying to make things right when you're too late?
why couldn't you have said these words when they could've meant something to me? why couldn't you have seen what you did wrong back then? why are you trying to come back in my life when you know my heart no longer belong to you? why cant you just move on and put me out of your mind for good?

my life may not perfect but i'm still happy with the way things are. i've moved on ever since i found out who you truly were, so why cant you just leave the past the way its meant to be? as for the future, i dont know what it holds, but i do want you to know that someday i will forgive you.. as for now, all i want is to once again be happy, so please let me be.
- 1:24 AM
- email

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

i cant sleep yet again.
i'm constantly thinking of this person..
i cant stop wondering if i should believe
him or follow my mind & be cautious.
i keep wondering why too many times,
i let many good things just pass me by.

i dont why i keep thinking that
if its meant to be, it'll happen.
sure thats true but what i've
been neglecting is the fact that
you have to let fate take you
so far & the rest is up to you.
i have so many questions unanswered.
why do i push people away when
there's a chance of me being vulnerable?
why am i so scared of losing him
when he's not even mine?
why do i feel nervous & happy at the
same time when he's around?
why am i making everything so complicated
when i can just tell him i feel the same way?
why cant i just tell him whats on my mind?
[ I LIKE YOU. I LIKE YOU. I LIKE YOU. ]
i guess thats the problem - i
CANT just tell him how i feel.
i KNOW how he feels but somehow
i'm scared that he'll be everything
that i ever wanted but will i be?
i have high standards but am i expecting too much?

i am so damn confused.
usually, i'm VERY PATIENT
but its more complicated this time.
when he's near me, i want to tell
him but i feel like he's losing hope.

hmms... but something's telling me
i shouldn't let him pass me by,
like i did the rest.

well, i just wanted to express
everything i was feeling.
*relieved* i feel better..
- 1:44 AM
- email

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

- - this truly made my day. =) - -
Date: Tuesday, May 24, 2005 6:11:00 PM
Subject: HI
Message:
even though i'm not by your side
even though we cant speak to each other at times
even though i can never see you
i hope that you will never forget that
despite our situation,
i'll always be here for you
no matter what happens
i will never change because of you
>miss you na..