foolish_desire's Xanga

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 20:05:43 GMT

I'm bringing Xanga back - drop a comment if you're with me!

Monday, October 10, 2005

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 19:23:00 GMT

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

{ warning :: this is VERY LONG!! beware, the user is not responsible for any boring contents you might read.. }

i have a lot of be thankful for this year. first of all, i am thankful for being alive, for being able to experience life to the fullest. i owe a big of gratitude to my parents for always being there, caring for us & especially for the little things that they do. i am also thankful for having all the necessities my parents provide for me.

i thank God for my second family, my FRIENDS.. although, many things changed this year, i thank those who stayed & never left; even when times were rough.. i've learned so much from you guys & i wouldn't know what i'd do without you all.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

a special shoutout to my st. pat's friends:: i know that we all went our separate ways but i want you guys to know that i'll never forget all our times together; whether it'd be good or bad.. our 5 years together is unforgettable & even though we're separated, we'll always be friends no matter what.

to the rest of my friends, i'm always here for you guys whenever you need me.. you know i'm only a call away & it doesn't matter what time you call, i'm always here.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

i'd never thought i'd say this but i'm thankful for all the pain that i've experienced this past year. from broken friendships, to broken promises & especially broken hearts. if it weren't for these experiences, i would've never known my own strength. i couldn't see it then but now i know that everything happens for a reason.

to all those friendships broken, i'm sorry that i didn't try hard enough to fix our problems. i let my pride get the best of me & now there's nothing i can do anymore.. if only i apologized, would things have changed? would we still be friends? well, i guess our friendships weren't strong enough & i learned to appreciate those who are always there for me. although we are no longer friends, it doesn't mean that i've forgotten about you guys. i'll always treasure the times we shared & i wish you all the best of luck in the future..

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

to those who made me promises that they couldn't keep, i thank you for breaking them, because i realized that promises aren't forever. i'm sorry to that person that i once promised forever. i told you i'd never leave you to assure you & because i was afraid you would leave me. even though, i'd always knew that i would someday break that promise, it still it hurts to know how right i was. you made me so many promises & none of those promises stood against the test of time. it's because of you that i will no longer hold onto promises because you reminded of something i'd already knew; that promises are made to be broken.. from now on, i'll only promise to do my best because the future is unpredictable.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

to those many that broke my heart in the past, i am thankful for having all of you come into my life because i realized that i am capable of standing alone.

to that person that i trusted the most, thank you for losing my trust, despite the never ending arguments & fights, the tears & all the hurt you caused me; because i realized that love isn't always enough. you knew everything about me but ironically, you never really understood me. everyone told me i shouldn't be with you but i listened to my heart instead. you fooled me and i was too blind to see it, which is why you left me no choice but to leave. i'd never thought i'd get over you but i survived. no matter how harsh it might sound, the truth is i'm better off without you. even though i still can't forgive you, i have to thank you because you saved me from making the biggest mistake of my life.. if you didn't hurt me, i wouldn't have realized that i was never in love with you. although we're not meant to be, i want to thank you because you made me want to be the person that i once was, before we met.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

*you know who you are*

last but not least, i want to thank you for being in my life. i haven't been happy in a long time but you changed that. i really hope that things work out the way it's supposed to and i hope that whatever happens, we'll both be happy in the end. =)

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 05:24:38 GMT

first of all, i ONLY asked you why you were messaging me again, so why are you assuming i want to fight? why would i waste my time fighting with you, anyway? second of all, i AM better than that, so stop judging me. i NEVER even SAID ANYTHING ELSE so why are you getting mad over nothing? you dont want to fight? wow.. thats the first time i've heard that from you. well, i dont want to fight either, which is why i ended our relationship a LONG TIME AGO.. you claim you're not the same person then why are you twisting my words and taking things the wrong way? i'm not the same person anymore who would break down over your words, so please stop playing games with me because i'm so tired of it.

in my opinion, you still haven't changed one bit.. if you have, then prove it because your words dont mean a thing to me anymore. i dont even know why you want to be friends now when i literally gave you HUNDREDS of chances in the past.. what i want to know is, WHY NOW? it's been so long so why are you trying to make things right when you're too late?
why couldn't you have said these words when they could've meant something to me? why couldn't you have seen what you did wrong back then? why are you trying to come back in my life when you know my heart no longer belong to you? why cant you just move on and put me out of your mind for good?

my life may not perfect but i'm still happy with the way things are. i've moved on ever since i found out who you truly were, so why cant you just leave the past the way its meant to be? as for the future, i dont know what it holds, but i do want you to know that someday i will forgive you.. as for now, all i want is to once again be happy, so please let me be.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 05:44:12 GMT

i cant sleep yet again.
i'm constantly thinking of this person..
i cant stop wondering if i should believe
him or follow my mind & be cautious.
i keep wondering why too many times,
i let many good things just pass me by.

i dont why i keep thinking that
if its meant to be, it'll happen.
sure thats true but what i've
been neglecting is the fact that
you have to let fate take you
so far & the rest is up to you.

i have so many questions unanswered.
why do i push people away when
there's a chance of me being vulnerable?
why am i so scared of losing him
when he's not even mine?
why do i feel nervous & happy at the
same time when he's around?
why am i making everything so complicated
when i can just tell him i feel the same way?
why cant i just tell him whats on my mind?
[ I LIKE YOU. I LIKE YOU. I LIKE YOU. ]

i guess thats the problem - i
CANT just tell him how i feel.
i KNOW how he feels but somehow
i'm scared that he'll be everything
that i ever wanted but will i be?
i have high standards but am i expecting too much?

i am so damn confused.
usually, i'm VERY PATIENT
but its more complicated this time.
when he's near me, i want to tell
him but i feel like he's losing hope.

hmms... but something's telling me
i shouldn't let him pass me by,
like i did the rest.

well, i just wanted to express
everything i was feeling.
*relieved* i feel better..

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Thu, 26 May 2005 01:49:16 GMT

- - this truly made my day. =) - -

Date: Tuesday, May 24, 2005 6:11:00 PM

Subject: HI

Message:

even though i'm not by your side
even though we cant speak to each other at times
even though i can never see you
i hope that you will never forget that
despite our situation,
i'll always be here for you
no matter what happens
i will never change because of you

>miss you na..

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Thu, 05 May 2005 15:49:45 GMT

loving someone is hard when they dont love you back

when we love someone, we never easily give up on that person, no matter how badly we are hurting. we attempt to try to find a way to ease the pain and learn to understand and most of all, forgive. loving too much doesn't hurt; it is when we expect this love to be reciprocated that we begin to seek approval and acceptance for the things we have done, taken for granted and rejected. we cure the very same love we once freely and happily offered.

dont waste your time waiting for someone who never cared about your feelings. open your heart again and give yourself a chance to find the man who would make loving worth the pain and sacrifice. being in love can be the most wonderful feeling we could ever experience but if the feelings begin to consume our whole being, we must learn to stop and let our minds and NOT our heart dictate our actions. it is only when we learn to accept our fate and understand the meaning of our failures can we truly go on with our life without having to look back and cry over the things that could have been but will never be.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 04:26:48 GMT

friendship lost

i thought we had the ideal friendship
the kind that really lasts
but as i finally take off this blindfold
i see i'm only treasuring the past.

i don't quite know what happened
there's not a whole lot left
but maybe if we search pretty hard,
we can find all of the rest.

i can't help but wonder,
if you feel the same as me
are you longing too?
for the friends we used to be?

how did we do this?
how did we lose track?
let's start over,
and try to win it back
but what im scared of
is that you tellin me that
the friendship that we had
for you its all in the past . . .

Monday, March 14, 2005

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 04:59:57 GMT

date : 03.13.05
time : 9:20 pm
feeling : exhausted

lets recap my week, shall we =)

friday :
went to collingwood with my sis. to watch the guys play basketball. aww.. torey's soo CUTE!! =) he's soo adorable.. lols.. anyways.. so then after, we went to get bubble tea & on the way, alvin's friend honked @ us.. haha.. afterwards, we went back to collingwood to chill until it closed. we were with alvin & them, but then things got mixed up so becca & i went to metro to eat ..
then, we took the skytrain to new west, where james picked us up.. we ended up goin to the hospital cause my friend's brother got injured.. =/ then, james had to go so we went to bok's house, as usual =) it wasn't as fun because *SOME people weren't there.. oh well.. AHHH!! i'm so damn sleep deprived.. i didnt get to sleep @ bok's because it was too loud! LOLS..

saturday :
becca & i took the taxi to the skytrain @ 6 AM.. it was FREEZIN, damn it!! but daniel was nice enough to lend me his! =) hehe.. what a nice guy! afterwards, i went home.. i wanted to sleep @ home but i couldn't stop thinking about *somethin..!! argghh.. ( dont ask ) anyways, i went to work @ 9 - 3 without any sleep! shiit.. i kept messin up damn it but whatever.. after work, we went home & took a shower because we had to go to surrey & fraser..
then, we went to marine drive to pick up *something. i was ECSTATIC cause i MISS lolly & jay r.. they were so happy to see me, as was i. =D fck! i saw *him though & literally hid in the backseat.. BUT lolly was screamin, "i wanna see ate weng" repeatedly, so im sure he knew. =/ whatever.. i didnt let that ruin my night cause i had a blast afterwards.. we all went clubbin @ sonar =D it was my first time, so you can imagine my excitement! we left at 2:30 am & ate at a viet. restaurant. =)

sunday : SLEPT @ 4 - 11 =D FINALLY!! i didnt do much but run @ the park, chat & cleaned. now.. i'm EXHAUSTED & extremely bored.. lols.. i CANT wait until SPRING BREAK COMES! =) i have so many things planned.. hehe.. ELEVEN MORE DAYS!! =D

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Sat, 29 Jan 2005 19:55:14 GMT

: : i should've never _

i should've never looked into his eyes
should've never let him break my heart
if i had known you'd come into my life

you must've known that
i was hurting deep inside
you came along just when
i needed someone's heart

all the hurt is gone now that
you're here to love me more
& everytime you hold my hand,
i know im not alone

i should've known right from the start
that you would save my heart
i should have never cried at all

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 07:07:26 GMT

Fantasia Barrino - Truth Is -->

: : thank . you _

how could this man i thought i knew
turn out to be unjust , so cruel
i could only see the good in you
thinking that you were faithful & true
i pretended not to see the truth
when you tried to disguise yourself

after all you put me through
you would think i despise you
after all of the fights & the lies
you'd think i hold resentment for you
but you're wrong, cause if it wasn't for
your torture & all you tried to do
i wouldn't know how to be this way now
it makes me that much wiser &
i wouldn't know just how
capable i am to pull through

well, i am through living in denial
can't believe i never saw it coming
but now i realize your game
so dont feel that i'm the one to blame
when you were the one that wanted to harm me
but that won't work anymore
because it's over & i had enough
so, thanks for making me a fighter