Saturday, May 10, 2008
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Quotables - Freedom's Foundations II - Dr. Mitchell
1. Dr. Mitchell: “Freedom’s II… we need a better name. How about Freedom’s Supremacy or Freedom’s Ultimatum.”
2. Dr. Mitchell: “There is a song there to be written: ‘Living in the Subjunctive.’”
3. Dr. Mitchell: “You can chortle, you can chuckle, you can even smirk, but no guffawing in my class!”
4. Dr. Mitchell: “I’ve fallen asleep in bad places. Have you all… of course you have.”
5. Dr. Mitchell: “I tried that with a policeman once; he didn’t like the Aquinas stuff.”
6. Dr. Mitchell: “The semester is like going from island to island. The weekends are the islands.”
7. Dr. Mitchell: “One independent thinking person messes up an entire class.”
8. Dr. Mitchell: “If you are sick, don’t breath *long pause* on anyone.”
9. Dr. Mitchell: “I’m wearing a necktie, it must be a special day.”
10. Dr. Mitchell: “If your roommate gets sick, move!”
11. Dr. Mitchell: “Maybe we’ll just hack off your ears.”
12. Dr. Mitchell: “Starvation does… cause… some… problems.”
13. Dr. Mitchell: “Hemmingway had a short story: ‘Men without Women.’” Robert: “That’s why it was a short story.”
14. Dr. Mitchell: “If you meet Burke on the street and he calls you an abstract metaphysician that’s bad. It’s the worst insult his imagination can think of.”
15. Josh: “Well, we don’t always have to overthrow the government.” Dr. Mitchell: “What a relief.”
16. Dr. Mitchell: “King James, you’ve heard of him before. He wrote the Bible.”
17. Dr. Mitchell: “You smirk whenever I say ‘dismemberment.’ Do you like this?”
18. Dr. Mitchell: “If you can do one thing to your speaking, remove the word like.”
19. Dr. Mitchell: “They always peppered their rhetoric with Ad Hominems, which is fun… and effective.”
20. Dr. Mitchell on the Revolutionary War: “England doesn’t love us?!
21. Dr. Mitchell: “We’ve got natural resources… we have trees!”
22. Dr. Mitchell on his sub-freezing classroom: “I don’t want you to drift off; I don’t want to drift off, I’m tired.”
23. Dr. Mitchell: “‘Life, liberty, property!’ Now we’re on the Lockian bandwagon.”
24. Dr. Mitchell: “There’s Jefferson in a corner with his baby blanket.”
25. Dr. Mitchell: “It was a three-cent tax on tea. That’s a far cry from despotism.
26. Dr. Mitchell: “Those of you who think the pleasures of eating chocolate ice cream are better than Plato are wrong.”
27. Dr. Mitchell: “It was a lack of buckstopshereism.”
28. Dr. Mitchell on the Constitution: “It’s a new deal… that’s probably the wrong term.”
29. Dr. Mitchell interviewing student body political candidate Jacob Baum: “Did you mean that literally: any time I want a pen I can come to you?” Jacob: “Of course.” Jeremy explains: “He’s running for office.” Dr. Mitchell: “Are you?” Jacob: “Kinda.” Dr. Mitchell: “Kinda?” Jacob: “I’m not running to win.” Dr. Mitchell: “I like this campaign already.”
30. Dr. Mitchell: “Passions… remember, those are bad things.”
31. Dr. Mitchell: “How sick is he? Does he have the flu?” Curtis: “He was hucking up stuff…” Dr. Mitchell: “That’s enough.” Jenna: “Wait, didn’t you cook for him last night?”
32. Dr. Mitchell: “Not too many people should have armies.”
33. Dr. Mitchell: “We are going to play an imaginary game; Sophomores like imaginary games.”
34. Dr. Mitchell on the effects of guns: “You pull the trigger, the other person dies whether he’s a noble or not.”
35. Dr. Mitchell on opposing Democracy: “You will be beating your head against a brick wall. No, wait, you will be beating your head against something moving much faster than a wall… You are beating your head against a moving train, and that’s bad for your head.”
36. Dr. Mitchell on classical honor: “I’ll have the honor and you’ll have a noble death.”
37. Dr. Mitchell: “You are making my point Jenna: abstract thought à difficult.”
38. Dr. Mitchell: “Icarus wasn’t French!”
39. Dr. Mitchell: “Running drugs, I’m guessing that provides a sort of outlet.”
40. Dr. Mitchell: “Misery reduction, that’s not a bad thing.”
41. Dr. Mitchell: “Maybe we’ll build a pyramid that none of us will see finished.” Jenna: “We’re already doing that.”
42. Dr. Mitchell: “Cue happy music… ‘Won’t you buy some Soapy Suds laundry detergent.”
43. Dr. Mitchell: “Can you hug a ‘sir?’”
44. Dr. Mitchell: “Men without women need either marshal law or women.”
45. Dr. Mitchell to a visitor: “ You’re in eighth grade. Have you ever read Tocqueville? Ever heard of Tocqueville? Can you spell Tocqueville?”
46. Dr. Mitchell: “Remember we missed class that day. I forgot we have Easter.”
47. Dr. Mitchell: “Oprah’s book club, Tocqueville would say, ‘Yeah! Good thing!’”
48. Rob Gingrich: “Does Dr. Mitchell still start this class with a Psalm.” Class: “Yes.” Rob: “Good. Well I’m going to start differently.”
49. Rob Gingrich: “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Dr. Mitchell if you are stupid.” Robert: “Don’t worry, he already knows.”
50. Jenna: “If the Italians aren’t spirited enough, we are in trouble.” Rob Gingrich: “Somehow I don’t think C.S. Lewis is talking about reproduction.”
51. Dr. Mitchell: “When you avoid the teacher’s eye, it’s as good as admitting guilt.”
52. Dr. Mitchell: “That’s just not right to whack someone next to you.”
53. Dr. Mitchell: “I’m going to habituate my rock. Now it’s an Aristotelian rock.”
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
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Quotables - Philosophy - Dr. Montgomery
1. Dr. Montgomery: “A guy walks into a Greek tailor’s shop and says, “Euripides (You rippa deez),” to which he replied Eumenides (You menna deez).”
2. Dr. Montgomery: “The scientist studies more and more of less and less and everything about nothing. A philosopher studies less and less of more and more and knows nothing about everything.”
3. Dr. Montgomery: “Papers are to be like a woman’s skirt: long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to be interesting.”
4. Dr. Montgomery: “I have Mafia contacts in Sicily. Many students have become foundations to modern buildings and thus become foundational part of modern culture.”
5. Dr. Montgomery: “There is evil. There is nasty-nasty.”
6. Dr. Montgomery: “That’s the way the universal cookie crumbles.”
7. Dr. Montgomery: “George W. Bush! He’s the worst president we’ve had since Clinton!”
8. Dr. Montgomery: “Two students plus two students equals four students, and probably a lot of trouble.”
9. Dr. Montgomery: “God create man in His own image, and ever since we’ve been returning the favor.”
10. Dr. Montgomery: “Though all presuppositions are equal, some presuppositions are more equal than others.”
11. Dr. Montgomery: “The only difference between blacks and whites is that blacks are better at music.”
12. Dr. Montgomery: “Mormon bosoms burn at a higher degree centigrade than non-Mormon bosoms.”
13. Dr. Montgomery: “Did you hear about the sad case of the man christened Jeffrey Jeffrey Jeffrey. The rector stuttered when he christened him.”
14. Dr. Montgomery: “Don’t anybody try to keep my magazines.”
15. Dr. Montgomery: “You can look at a rock forever, and it will never tell you about itself. It just sits there and looks up to you.”
16. Dr. Montgomery: “What is the difference between you and a cumquat… Don’t say that to a non-Christian.”
17. Dr. Montgomery: “Aren’t you the audit… then shut up.”
18. Dr. Montgomery: “You couldn’t get me to vote Democrat if my life depended on it.”
19. Dr. Montgomery: “I will be dealing with philosophy of Art and philosophy of religion, two very sexy topics.”
20. Dr. Montgomery: “Some of you are suffering constipation of the brain and tongue.”
21. Dr. Montgomery: “Stew consists of gruel and gunk... get the gunk swimming in the gruel.”
22. Dr. Montgomery: “That is nincompoopishness.”
23. Dr. Montgomery: “Why are you all here so early? You have a full minute before class starts.”
24. Dr. Montgomery: “Surely if God can use TV evangelists, then he can certainly use reason.”
25. Dr. Montgomery: “What’s the difference between a psychiatrist and a coal miner? The answer is the psychiatrist goes down deeper, stays down longer, and comes up dirtier.”
26. Dr. Montgomery: “If we had a choice between Confucius and the Pharisees to invite to a dinner party, we would choose Confucius in a heartbeat.”
27. Dr. Montgomery: “As with everything else, including my jokes, this may show up on a quiz.”
28. Dr. Montgomery: “I don’t want to occupy all of your time… eighty percent sure, but not ALL of it.”
29. Dr. Montgomery: “There is, of course, a New Martin Luther doll that you can buy for Christmas. You wind him up, and what does he do? He just stands there.”
30. Dr. Montgomery: “I get out my airline puke bag.”
31. Dr. Montgomery: “Academic life is intensive, but it certainly beats jail.” Zach: “But we’re paying for this.”
32. C.S. Lewis was asked by a media interviewer during WWII what he would think if he say a bomb dropped from a German plane coming straight down at him. “If you only had time for one last thought, what would it be?” Lewis replied that he would look up at the bomb, stick out his tongue at it and say, “Pooh! You’re only a bomb. I’m an immortal soul.”
33. Cate: “Well, I’m from Florida.” Dr. Montgomery: “I’m sorry, we all have our problems.”
34. Dr. Montgomery: “I was delighted to hear that one person went to Florida and it did nothing but rain.”
35. Dr. Montgomery: “Chaos is not necessarily bad: a good explosion once in awhile is not a bad idea.”
36. Dr. Montgomery: “We always have propaganda for guests.”
37. Dr. Montgomery: “Who invented these things? Whoever invented these things should be drawn and quartered.”
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Quotables - Rhetoric - Dr. Tallmon
1. Dr. Tallmon: “I know my technology’s going to work today... My computer’s frozen… Hello!? Why don’t you want to work?”
2. Dr. Tallmon: “Rhetoric was closely associated with law and politics. Still is, that’s why it had bad repute.”
3. Dr. Tallmon: “Did he have chicken pox or smallpox.” Royal: “Chickenpox, smallpox has been eradicated.”
4. Dr. Tallmon: “Do you know what a level-headed person is? Someone who drools out of both sides of their mouth… while playing Tetris.”
5. Dr. Tallmon: “Sorry, sorry I was born.”
6. Dr. Tallmon: “Oh my gosh, I forgot my exit strategy. I always turn red when I do that.”
7. Dr. Tallmon on himself: “A funny little dwarf at PHC.”
8. Dr. Tallmon: “Do Sodoku, I don’t care. Actually I do, I hate it when people do that in my class.”
9. Dr. Tallmon: “No, JFK was not a walrus.” -
Quotables - Western Civ. II - Professor Moger
1. Professor Moger: “Feel free to take a random car from the parking lot.”
2. Professor Moger: “Mount Vernon is Washington’s home… in case you didn’t have me for U.S. History.”
3. Professor Moger: “The Protestants threw the Catholics out of the window. Amazingly none of them died. Catholic accounts say Angels carried them to safety, Protestant accounts maintain they landed in a pile of dung.”
4. James Barta: “Let’s go for Machiavelli, he quotes classical literature.” Professor Moger: “And that’s good for your soul?”
5. Professor Moger: “Whatever else you have to say about Louis XIV, you have to like his legs.”
6. Dr. Montgomery walks into our Class for the second time in two weeks: “You guys must be especially attractive.”
7. Christina Comfort: “One day we will be old wives.”
8. Professor Moger: “You’re a fast typer.” Maxwell: “I have lots of practice from IMing… err yeah…”
9. Laura on Freemasonry: “So it’s like a private Facebook?”
10. Professor Moger: “Is there any Freemason in here who would like to divulge their secrets.” *Paul raises hand inadvertently* “Okay, Paul’s going to tell us all about Freemasonry.” Jon: “Don’t you dare Paul, I’ll kill you!”
11. Professor Moger: “There is redistribution of wealth. We rob from the rich students to give to the poor professors.”
12. Professor Moger: “That’s what I love about Freshmen, I can still make them laugh, Sophomores are so jaded and cynical.”
13. Professor Moger: “When technology fails, just stall.”
14. Professor Moger: “I’m going to try to offend everyone by the end of the lecture today.”
Saturday, March 22, 2008
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Stricken, Smitten, and Afflicted
Stricken, smitten, and afflicted,
See Him dying on the tree!
‘Tis the Christ by man rejected;
Yes, my soul, ‘tis He, ‘tis He!
‘Tis the long-expected prophet,
David’s Son, yet David’s Lord;
By His Son now God has spoken
‘Tis the true and faithful word
Tell me, ye who hear Him groaning;
Was there ever grief like His?
Friends through fear His cause disowning,
Foes insulting His distress:
Many hands were raised to wound Him,
None would interpose to save;
But the deepest stroke that pierced Him
Was the stroke that Justice gave.
Ye who think of sin but lightly,
Nor suppose the evil great,
Here may view its nature rightly,
Here its guilt may estimate.
Mark the Sacrifice appointed!
See who bears the awful load!
‘Tis the Word, the Lord’s Anointed,
Son of Man, and Son of God.
Friday, February 01, 2008
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Quotables - Dr. Hake
1. Dr. Hake: “Do we have a midterm in this class?” Class: “umm…” Brady: “We don’t have the syllabus.” Dr. Hake: “Oh, okay… then I guess you wouldn’t know… *laughing* well I don’t either.”
2. Dr. Hake: “I’m sorry I had you buy the cheap version. Bad Dr. Hake. I should have had you buy the Lexus.”
3. Dr. Hake: “A calculator is not going to help you get along with your roommate.
4. Dr. Hake: “I’m an old man and my memory is not as sticky as yours.”
5. Dr. Hake: “They got out of [the Inferno], that was a blessing.”
6. Dr. Hake: “We all in a sense are living life, even philosophers.”
7. Dr. Hake “Would you pray for us… not because you moved; I like your face.”
8. Dr. Hake: “It’s like a video game. It’s so um… um…”
9. Dr. Hake: “If I don’t know your name you may exact some horrible punishment from me.”
10. Dr. Hake: “[Voltaire] is a Monty Python version of the Garden of Eden.”
11. Dr. Hake: “You guys are all kids. You have black beards.”
12. Dr. Hake: “[Goethe] is playing devil’s advocate.” *laughs*
13. Dr. Hake: “She dies. This is not Candide.”
14. Dr. Hake: “I love the outside and I love class and partly for that reason I don’t like to mix the two.”
15. Dr. Hake: “Inspiring terror is an art form.”
16. Dr. Hake: “Frankenstein is like a ghastly version of My Fair Lady.”
17. Dr. Hake: “Don’t be attack dogs.”
18. Dr. Hake: “Dr. Veith is omnivorous.”
19. Dr. Hake: “I’m perverse and I like to make people suffer.”
20. Dr. Hake: “Okay, so you identify with policemen.”
21. Dr. Hake: “I will behead all five of our TA’s and pick new ones.”
22. Dr. Hake: “What? Am I supposed to get married again, just for the sake of the furniture?”
23. Jared: “For the record, to answer the previous question, women can be very cold.”
24. Dr. Hake: “It just struck me how much Jared looks like Svidrigailov.”
25. Dr. Hake: “Give me Dounia or give me death.”
26. Dr. Hake: “Russia big compared to everything, including Texas.”
27. Dr. Hake: “Things matter way more than we can possibly imagine.”
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Quotables - Dr. Cox
1. Dr. Cox: “I grew up in the hippie generation.”
2. Dr. Cox: “You can bring the Quran if you want, but we won’t be using it.”
3. Dr. Cox: “Rejoice that you are going to get that wrong on your final.”
4. Dr. Cox: “[God] is a liar.”
5. Dr. Cox on the heart: “Beat… Beat… Beat… Go to sleep… Please Beat… Please Beat…”
6. Dr. Cox: “That’s the nature of language: to distort it.”
7. Dr. Cox: “Don’t tell me that the sun’s going to go nova and then ask me to recycle.”
8. Dr. Cox: “No karma! No karma! You don’t want karma. You don’t want the circle.”
9. Dr. Cox: “[the overhead projector] looks dead doesn’t it? Rise! My wife says I am easily amused, so I have to live up to it.”
10. Dr. Cox on humans: “We are worth 6041 cents of basic compounds.”
11. Dr. Cox: “Yes, I know elephants stick around their dead.”
12. Dr. Cox on his wife: “I told you I loved you woman… 16 years ago. Write it down woman!”
13. Dr. Cox: “You might want to dabble sometime… In Christianity.”
14. Dr. Cox: “Yeah, yeah, yeah, shut up Yoda!”
15. Dr. Cox: “What’s it called? Crouching Dragon, Hidden Turkey?”
16. Dr. Cox: “Don’t tell anyone I just croaked like that.”
17. Dr. Cox: “Extra credit for anyone who does lip sync right now.”
18. Dr. Cox: “Let me give you your stuff back and then we’ll pray… Hey! Where’s your stuff?”
19. Dr. Cox: “If the rapture was to happen right now we’d all be taken and Rachel would be left.”
20. Dr. Cox: “I’m not going to ask you if you guys have been reading this stuff, but if you haven’t, what have you been doing?”
21. Dr. Cox: “Sound acceptable? Even if it doesn’t I’m going to do it.”
22. Dr. Cox: “Disagree with me please, by all means, then I will give you an A.” Dr. Cox: “She agrees with me, she gets the A for the day.”
23. Dr. Cox: “You’re breaking my heart. That’s from The Godfather write that down.”
24. Dr. Cox: “What’s the point, the point is it’s opposite day.”
25. Dr. Cox: “I was trying to shock you out of your post-lunch state.”
26. Dr. Cox: “You stay away from my kids!”
27. Dr. Cox: “Homosexuality is not a result of the industrial revolution.”
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Quotables - Professor Moger
1. Professor Moger: “Wednesday we are doing Creation and Evolution. I expect that lesson to be a big bang.”
2. Professor Moger: “We won’t be teaching anything that isn’t in the Bible… Sex and violence are in the Bible.”
3. Professor Moger: “Nobody ever was strangled by a bowtie.”
4. Professor Moger: “I got the reputation of being some kind of a hard nose among the professors. I’m not, I’m a teddy bear… I am really a nice lovable guy… I think.”
5. Professor Moger: “I think Dr. Mitchell bans all forms of technology… from your life.”
6. Professor Moger: “Dr. Smith is not here anymore, but I miss him. Just like I miss the Cold War.”
7. Professor Moger: “I did once IM a student I knew was in class. That was because I knew they were in Dr. Smith’s Philosophy class. I was emailing her philosophy jokes trying to get her to laugh.”
8. Professor Moger: “My class is worth every penny you pay.”
9. Professor Moger; “This is why we need universal healthcare, because of eyeless cavefish.”
10. Professor Moger: “You know attendance is not mandatory. What are the rest of you doing here?”
11. Professor Moger: “This is the fruit of the new attendance policy. I know you are all here because you love me.”
12. Mr. Moges: “I am an equal opportunity professor. I will call on you whether you raise your hand or not.”
13. Professor Moger: “Why do you think I’m not lecturing on what’s in the textbook?” Lucas: “Because you didn’t do the reading?”
14. Professor Moger: “What’s a DWEM? Dead White European Males.”
15. Professor Moger: “I’m sure there are some very nice insurgents.”
16. Professor Moger: “We have one word for snow: cold.”
17. Brady: “We don’t shave our legs.” Professor Moger: “Speak for yourself.”
18. Professor Moger: “God just made some people dumb.”
19. Professor Moger: “God created us to populate the earth. Homeschool families are doing their part.”
20. Professor Moger: “Do we have any Egyptologists in here? No, okay, then I’m going to start making stuff up at this point.”
21. Professor Moger on pyramids: “The aliens stopped coming down and giving them the diagrams… don’t put that in your notes.”
22. Professor Moger: “What’s a strip mall? A place where people strip.”
23. Professor Moger: “They didn’t interview squirrels and get the oral account.”
24. Professor Moger: “Hammurabi could have been a Republican.”
25. Professor Moger: “Where are the ten lost tribes of Israel?” Rachel whispers: “In Utah.”
26. Professor Moger: “You will go to historian hell for writing a sentence like this.”
27. Professor Moger: “Jonathon Horton… Where is Jonathan Horton?” Joe: “He’s also on the girls soccer team.”
28. Professor Moger: “Thankfully for us Germans are proud and drink a lot of beer.”
29. Professor Moger: “So we’re more superstitious today because we believe that a man can fly around in his underwear?”
30. Catoe: “Is there a difference between a temple prostitute and another type of prostitute?” Professor Moger: “I don’t know, I don’t have experience with this.”
31. Professor Moger: “I like chick flicks.”
32. Professor Moger: “Superman… He fights for justice just like George Bush.”
33. Professor Moger: “I’m only giving your textbook a B for that answer.”
34. Professor Moger: “I draw the line at Jane Austin. It lowers your testosterone level.”
35. Professor Moger: “I would say Bill Clinton is a good example of a Sophist.”
36. Ryan: “Is this a trap, it feels like a trap.” Professor Moger: “It’s not a trap.”
37. Professor Moger: “[The dialectic] was the philosophical equivalent of a colonoscopy.”
38. Jonathan: “I think we have to be careful to call schizophrenia crazy.”
39. “I actually did spend some time in prison […] I was a chaplain, don’t worry, I didn’t do anything wrong.”
40. Professor Moger: “Flattery will get you everywhere.”
41. Professor Moger: “Sex and violence, yes that is a theme of the lecture today.”
42. Professor Moger: “the tools that historians use are clunky tools.”
43. Professor Moger: “Historians are doofuses. They can’t even figure out when Rome fell.”
44. Professor Moger: “Romans had a lot of hair that needed plucking.”
45. Professor Moger: “We’re a happy little class studying a happy little religion, Islam.”
46. Professor Moger: “They got the holy okeydokey.”
47. Professor Moger: “We’re part of a great heritage of sleep-deprived scholars” Kate: “Sleep-deprivation is a long Western Tradition.”
48. Professor Moger: “You can’t just go down to your friendly arms dealer like you can today.”
49. Professor Moger: “You know how they say there is no such thing as a stupid question. It’s not true. There are stupid questions.