for_allofthis_photos's Xanga

Monday, November 26, 2007

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 02:38:59 GMT

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Thu, 31 May 2007 03:09:25 GMT

Current music: the sounds of summer
vent. it's nice.

I want to learn on my own. Fuck teachers, fuck parents. How am I supposed to learn or shape into a person if everyone is shoving their own opinions down my throat. Doesn’t that mean that everyone is just a copy of someone else, with every ones opinions and ideas and theories floating around, we really aren’t being an individual. Were just putting a mindset on ourselves that we think is right. Fuck society. Society expects us to grow up to be a lawyer or a doctor or something big and wonderful in this world, but why? So we can make more money and defend those who decided to fuck up there lives because those people realized that they only had a good 60 years input to making it worthwhile. Society looks up to the people who fix up the fuck ups, when we all should be looking up to the people who fucked themselves up. They have experience, they know what life is like, to be taken away from you, to actually taste humanity. So the truth is, everyone making money and living the life that society wants is basically wasting away their life. Which is confusing, but fuck it. I’m happy with who I am, and people keep telling me I’m not trying hard enough. I don’t want to try hard. I want to be me, and even if I am an adolescent whose brain hasn’t fully developed, I still know what I want. I want happiness, I want a group of friends that understand what I mean when I saw fuck the world. And surprisingly I have that. Drugs, such a big fucking deal. Again cops get paid to take away our happiness, if we want to get high then shouldn’t that be up to us? I mean god forbid we decide to smoke a plant that grows from our very own soil, I’m sorry I’m actually taking advantage of nature. Life is supposed to be like this, we are supposed to enjoy every aspect of it. Coke and heroin and all that, I can understand. But a natural herb? An herb that the government decides to give out to people who are “in pain”. Were all in fucking pain, it’s called life. We all need healing we all need to escape, and it’s sick that a group of people got to decide how we got to live our life. Look around, things are alive, you are alive. Your fingers, your mouth creating saliva. Life is beautiful and who is allowed to tell us that we can’t take advantage of it. Society. Government. People, just like you and I, yet they have that superior power and they take damn well advantage of it. Were all really the same, we all have the same chances and heartbreaks, yet were all so cruel. Why does everything revolve around green pieces of paper, why does everything revolve knowledge? Why can’t we all just be happy with the wonders life has given us, were killing this world every minute, but some are so superior they have tricked themselves into thinking were doing something right. We all sit in front of the TV and find that amusing and we all eat chips and soda and act as if it’s okay. Were deteriorating our bodies, but that’s okay. Because the government will put another idea into our head that makes us think we are being right, and were living life the way everyone should want to. Someone dies every second, and someone is born. What if were all just reborn and were all just the same but in different forms, and what if Hindus are right? What if the mistakes we make in our life now reflect on what or who we become in our next life. And what if the Christians are right or the Catholics? What if someone is waiting behind a gate to embrace us even with our mistakes. What if were all just supposed to think on our own? We are. We were created to make mistakes and be able to give others pleasure and pain. And who knows why we are here, maybe there is a God or maybe we should just sit back and enjoy our wonderful world and enjoy life.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 00:11:53 GMT

none taken by me.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 01:08:29 GMT

I don’t really know what to make of who I am. I am simply me, and I am very happy with who I am. But lately, I find myself dazing off and thinking of how pointless my life really is. And I can feel myself being pulled down the road that led me to a very bad place last year. I love my life, I love my family, friends etc. But you take yourself sitting on your bed, and you picture yourself from above and zoom out, all the way into space. Until you can see our planet spinning, and you think to yourself, “what do I matter?” I am just another number. And it depresses me. You look at people like Bin Laden, or Gandhi and they are known worldwide for something you are capable of. And it’s people like them that get known, for either amounts of hate or amounts of love. Both which are in my hands, both I can easily adapt too. Then why? Why do I stop at a simple task, why not go farther? Why not explore the world and take it into my own hands, and think for myself. Why follow the book? The people who have surprised us all and are known to all of us, are people who went on their own. Yet school teaches us to take all of our knowledge from books, and go to college and be the same profession everyone else is choosing. Yet they teach us about amazing historical figures that did the most amazing things, by not doing what our educators are teaching us to do. Does this make any sense?

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 03:34:49 GMT

me and my shaved headddddddd mmmmmmmmmmm la la la

:]

:]

i love that one

yeahhh!

peace

over 10,000 people, angry people.

amazing.

uhm yeah all taken by me, except the first one which was by my brother.

yeah so POOOOOOOOOOOP

Monday, March 19, 2007

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 00:36:51 GMT

I went to a Peace Rally today in NYC. Here's some of the photos i took in black and white.

UGH this xanga photo thing never fucking works for me.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 03:26:28 GMT

don't know why, but i shaved my head.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 04:31:52 GMT

i don't know why i did it, i'm not like that. I couldnt say no.

Not only that but you walked back into my life.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 23:01:22 GMT

The woman scribbles on a tan piece of paper. She pushes her curly long black hair out of her face and pauses, deep in thought. Then she begins to write furiously. There’s something about this woman that makes me want to know more. Her life is interesting, she probably goes home to two kids and an abusive husband and does all she can to be noticed. She’s making a list for herself so that it wont seem as if she has nothing else to do. The woman looks up and smiles at me, I smile back. She continues to write, her hand mounting the paper. Her eyes are so gentle, full of sadness. Then she looks at me and says, “Are you ready to go dear?”
“Yes mom.”

Ever since I can remember my mom and I have had a rocky relationship. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. The difference between my mom and other moms is that my mom knows who I am. Other moms live in a world thinking their kids are perfect and would never do anything stupid, until they get a call from the hospital saying their kid has to get their stomached pumped. My mom knows everything about me, she doesn’t go behind my back to figure it out. I tell her, and that’s what makes our relationship special. My mom would be very upset if I started doing heroin, but she doesn’t mind if I do drugs or drink, as long as I’m responsible. Whenever I do drugs or drink she comes to my mind and I don’t go over the limit, because I want her to know I am responsible. Other kids exceed that limit and do things they wouldn’t normally do. I think it’s like that for most kids. The parents who push their kids to not do drugs, the kids end up being those drug addicts. But the parents who tell the kids they trust them, they think twice knowing they have a huge responsibility on their hands. I could call my mom if I was drunk at a party or having a bad trip on any drug. I could call my mom, and put my trust in her. But there are things that make her different from other moms. My mom was raised in a different country, France, and she has no idea what its like to be living in America as a teenager. She’s not familiar with prom, or any of that. I constantly call my mom names such as, cunt, whore, slut, bitch, stupid fuck, faggot etc. An hour later we could be laughing. I used think it was all my mom to blame for my mood changes. This year I realized it was me. And now I look at my mom and think she’s my hero. My mother takes care of me, 15 and my brother, 14. To be honest were a handful. Last year my mom had to face the fact that I was depressed and suicidal when I got taken into a behavioral center. She never thought her daughter would become that. My brother sits in his room and plays video games and goes on the computer. But when were mad, we can destroy her world. We won’t just yell, we put her down. We make her feel like shit. This morning for example, she took too long getting my hairbrush and when I got it I threw it at her and called her useless. It’s sick, she doesn’t deserve that. She wakes up every morning makes me breakfast and then dinner and cleans my room and does my laundry. She is a good mom. Yet I could be saying that and when she enters the room I would flip out at her. I have no idea why. But lately I have discovered the beauty in my mom. She’s a recovering alcoholic, she’s been to rehab 3 times and is going on 42 days. When she was drunk was when it was the worse. My brother and I would throw her down the stairs and laugh, or pour vinegar in her hair and lock her in the bathroom. She would wake up the next day not knowing what happened, or how what bruise got where. My dad is a piece of work. My parents not only don’t get along they don’t live in the same part of the house, avoiding each other as much as possible. But my mom doesn’t have a job so she has to ask him for money, which he wont give her. I’ve never seen my parents kiss or even sleep in the same bed. So I have a separate relationship with each parent. My mom is beautiful, with a French accent and a gentle face. She could walk into a room and 3 men would easily eye her up and down as she walked across the room. My mom wanted the perfect life, she had it all planned out. She married the man 10 years older than her because she thought she was going to live a life of luxury, which was a lie. I wonder how my mom does it. How does she wake up every morning and go on with everyone putting her down. I know one day she will break down and everything will unwind. But in the meantime she doesn’t give up, she prays and she has faith. And I would do anything to be like her. Yet she admires me, me of all people. Because I dye my hair a different color every week and have a piercing. She admires that I can walk down the road and not care what people think. When my mom told me that I cried. And even thinking about that I cry. My mother is beautiful and her life is an amazing story.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 19:47:42 GMT

i'm aware i dont post pictures. But i need to write, it helps. And i dont feel as insane if others are reading it. i'm sorry.

I just don’t understand. She’s everything you hate, I know. Even if we only spent two weeks together I never had a connection with anyone like you. She’s exactly what you don’t look for. And here I am on my knees doing everything I can to get you to even notice me. But maybe that’s just it, maybe I just try too hard. But when It comes to you I don’t think you will ever understand. I could care less about how many of your friends would like me, its you I want. It’s you that I fell in love with. Even if I am 15. She’s fat, she’s ugly, missing teeth, gross, fake, lies about everything. I would never talk better about myself but in this case I feel it necessary. Most guys would find me attractive, I have long brown hair, nice body, really outgoing, caring, truthful. We share everything in common from music, to tastes. I just don’t get it. What did I do that was so wrong, what did I do that made you go for the other girl. I am madly in love with you, and you cant even see that. But what goes around comes around. You did cheat on me, you didn’t tell me. You stole the little bit of innocence I had left, and took my virginity. And left me in the dust, the next day I found you with her right in front of me. After everything we didn’t talk for almost 5 months. Until oh I showed up at a party with a slutty nurse costume on. And that was when you said hi. And you eyed me up and down and licked your lips. I should have walked away letting you know you were missing out on something. But no I loved it and I talked to you. You went back to college and I continued my sophomore year of high school and we stayed in touch through im’s. Then when you came home we both got a little drunk and you couldn’t keep your hands off me, flirting with me. Slapping my ass, touching me. I had never been happier. A couple days later you stood outside your car and kissed the window and I kissed back. You returned back once again to college. And told me you didn’t mean it, any of it. And that you just couldn’t help but flirt with me, and I didn’t act as if it was wrong. Weeks went by, you came home again and you leaned in to kiss me and I backed away. I wanted you so badly darling, but I kept my distance. And I’m glad I did. You’re fake, and you’re an asshole. I wouldn’t want to be the one around you when karma hits you, because its going to hit you bad. You’re the reason why girls have such a bad outlook on guys. So have fun fucking that piece of fat for the rest of your life. Take one last look at me, I am your dream, and this is reality. I’m terribly sorry if you’re cock gets lost in fat, on second thought I’m not at all. Just know I am madly in love with you. And it ends here, no more. I wont let you treat me like this.