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Name: rachel
Birthday: 11/15/1990
Gender: Female


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Sunday, March 23, 2008


UCSC it is! yay me haha. i'm happy. maybe im a little naive for saying things will get better in college haha but at least its a new school so new drama new ppl. there comes a point in ur life where u have to choose between wich ppl you wanna hang out with. waht happens wen u feel liek u've grown apart from the ppl you grew up with. waht happens wen ur values are all different n ur lives are different n theres nothing really u guys share in common ne more. waht happens wen they dont seem to understand ne thing ur saying ne more. waht happens wen love blinds them from seein everything u are seeing. wen it comes to love and friendships, i've alwaiz understood the side of story when ppl say "she alwaiz chooses her bf over us now..or he alwaiz chooses his grl over us now" but i was never really in a long relationship to noe the other side. and wen friends around u start coupling up and ur just not a couple, u tend to not wanna hang out with then cuz lets face it, who wants to be the 3rd wheel or the 5th or the fucking 7th lol cuz trust me i've been there. n all the couples around u will say 'its not even liek that. we want u there ur still our friend' but wen it comes down to it ur right its ur not fault ur in a relationship n wanna be with ur boys but me i rather not be the wutever wheell so i rather hang out with other ppl. theres nothing wrong with that right? sometimes its liek how can u choose ur bf's over ur friends and i do admit i feel that way sumtimes but i dont blame ne of them. i noe they dont mean to and it just happens but is it really impossible to leave the boys at home for one day? is that too selfish of me to ask? maybe i'm really askin for too much.. it just alwaiz seem to end up as one couple another couple another couple n den rachel..LOL n frankly that gets a little annoyin after a while. couples wont understand but single ladies, do u get me?


Thursday, March 20, 2008

She’s confident, short skirts, low shirts.

She stands up tall, shoulders back, down the hall

Sweet, innocent, nice little girl is what they see

But nobody cares what happens underneath.

The betrayal, the hurt, the feeling of insanity

The memories that haunt her

They just wont leave…

Naïve little girl caught in the lies

Never did she think, that was the last goodbye

The last kiss, the last hug.

The last time, love was just enough

No. love was never enough

She was never enough. Her love was never enough

There’s always someone better

Someone he’ll never leave

And she was always that temporary relief

Naïve little girl just couldn’t see

That she was just a toy in his game of cheat

The anger, the hurt, the insanity,

All rushed back to her, reminiscing, memories

Thinking back wondering why she opened up

To this boy who never gave a fuck

About anyone else except for himself…

Insecure, vulnerable, defenseless

That’s what’s underneath. That’s what no one sees

What everyone sees is not what she sees

And what she feels, you’ll never believe…

 


what do u think?


Sunday, January 13, 2008

wow i was re-reading all the blogs i once wrote and how much of it was about u and also how fucking pathetic i sounded. i was thisss close to deleting all of them and pretending that i never loved u and u never meant ne thing to me but u noe waht? everything i once been thru only moded me to who i am today. and i thank u for making me a stronger person. now i'm strong enuf to move on..well i been moved on but yeah. i'm strong enuf to noe who i am as ONE person without u in the picture. and i can honestly say..i would not go back..i liek how things are right now and i only have u to thank for it. maybe at the end..it'll all be worth it. i'm actually startin to feel that way (:
newaiz.. i cannot wait till mid-march wen acceptance letters start rolling in. i honestly cannot wait. 5 more months guys..look around bcuz in 5 months, we'll all have to say our goodbyes..and 3 months after that, we'll be able to say new hellos. i want to start over, go somewhere new, see where that takes me. i want college to come. i wanna join a sorority haha and i cant wait till i get to go experiance that sumin new


Wednesday, June 27, 2007

ugh upward bound sucks this year. freaking RA's made a buncha new stupid ass rules and its just retarded. this week felt soooooo long ... maybe i'll just take 2 classes n den go home..hmm iono ... that gives me more time with other ppl and just more free time, period... newaiz. wow i'm a senior!! iono if i'm happy or sad haha kinda bittersweet thing... i'm gettin old .say ur goodbyes u only have one more year with me. lol jkjk. time to goooo. bye

<3 rachel


Saturday, June 02, 2007

okay i lied. i'm not over it. i'm not over u. do u noe how much it hurts me wen u walk right by me as if u never met me in ur life. we shared so much ... talked so much.. u opened up to me and i opened up to u. i trusted u. i trusted that u wouldnt just leave me liek this even as a friend. the time where i was goin thru so much shit where i needed u most u werent there. and now its 1 30 in the morning and im sititn iin front of my laptop thinkin of u and thinkin of everything we gone thru together. ur so selfish u noe that? ur ignoring me for ur own fucking benefit but did u ever stop to think how i might feel in all of this? u dont noe how hard everythings been for me this year.. scratch that, this whole 3 years . with family, friends, guys. wut the fuck. Lord, give me a fucking break. i just wanna graduate . i wanna get away from here bcuz theres too many memoriez here. too much to remind me of waht was and isnt nemore. i dont want it. i dont wanna hurt. i dont wanna cry. i dont wanna be reminded.. i wanna be happy. is that so much to ask?



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