| Today was a day of realizing how lucky i've been lately. And then freaking the fuck out. Because, honestly, how often does that happen? And do I seriously think I can pull off all this? I'm graduating in a year, and I want to have a job set up, one that actually pays something, and I want the experience to be able to do it well. Is that so much to ask? Probably. I bought a Dole Institute t-shirt at the Goodwill this week. It tickled me so much, because not only do I spend most of my waking hours thanking God I found that place (or, rather, got dragged into it), it's a gorgeous shirt. Very cool design- picturing the stained glass windows that adorn the front of the building like it was some sort of cathedral or something. Though, I suppose in a day and age where politics is a dirty word and not polite table onversation (yet still what creates everything that's good about this county... imagine that), it does have a sort of holy purpose. It's still the only place i've ever found that encourages respectful disagreement on the most important issues of our day. And so ends the love letter to the Dole! Single again is... interesting. Being friends is interesting. And though I sometimes think it'll never be just friends in my head or heart, I have to remember then that the people I love most in this world are my friends. A genuine sense of concern and care for someone doesn't negate the friendship part- it more affirms it. That's such a testament to life in general, the way we gain and lose people, both friends and lovers, that sometimes the highest love is not romantic, not erotic, but very steadfast and loyal and natural. Basic friendship is such a beautiful thing. I have to say, though, the theatre department has panned out to be a bunch of douchebags. I really did expect more from a lot of them, but the silly underclassmen are now upperclassmen, and with one exeption they have proven themselves anything but worthy of the respect I would normally afford them. They've grown cocky, but not wise. More concerned with themselves than anything else, than making a difference, than making connections, than living their lives to a purpose. I wish them all the best, but they're no longer the people who I think of as friends. Sad as that makes me- because I once thought they were they best AND worst on this campus. Now they're just the worst. Ah well. Kisses all, I'm going to bed- with the doubt, and the fear, and i'm just going to 'walk around them' as usual. Admit they're there, and I won't bump into them and hurt myself. Or, at least, that's the plan. MWAH. |
