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| weird weird day...Hums...
haven't really blogged for a while...and yes.. I know I said that I
would make an effort to keep this blog going....so I thought I'd just
do this now... since I have nothing to do...and its probably the only
thing I can do to stop my mind from thinking...well... going insane.. but I think I've kinda overused that phrase now!!
I've done absolutely nothing at all today... applied properly for two
jobs... and thats about it... strange thing is... I feel sooo soo
tired... I think its just emotionally I feel really tired!!!... HUMS....So I
kinda had a pretty serious talk with a really close friend of mine
today...and for some reason it really hit me hard!! I have no idea
why.. or how.. or exactly what was said that triggered it...but I spent
the day being an emotional wreck....literally..... When I finally
worked up enough courage to call a friend... after a few exchanges
of words I just broke down again and I couldn't calm myself
down...which is really really bizzare!!!... It could have been that the
convo really hit home cos I wasn't expecting it...and was actually
feeling quite hurt and upset....but its all good!~~ I don't know...it actually
sounds quite stupid now that I'm typing it out... but yeh.. that's been
my day in a nutshell...applying for two jobs and breaking down in
between... FUN!!
Anyways.. apart from today... I've been doing absolutely nothing in the
time between the end of exams till now... May I just once again re-iterate again
for the record that the uni hates me!! First they lose my forms and what
not at the begining of the year.. and now they misplaced my forms
again...causing the chain reaction of me not having a graduating
status..which in turn triggered my freak out!!... HUMS...bottom line
is... its all good.. I'm graduating from uni ppls!! FINALLY....*breathes sigh of relief*....so now onto Plan:Freedom...
haha that is sooo not original... note to self... come up with a more
creative name!!
Who knew looking for a job would be sooo hard??? Are cover letters
really necessary??? I mean.. basically your just saying "Give me the
job goddamit!!!" I've never had this much difficulty applying for a job
since....well ever!! I guess it was just a case of facing it sooner or
later..but still!!~~ I think I have this compulsive need to always be
stressing over something or rather!~~ sooo not good!!~~~
Ok...so in the spirit of posting totally useless and boring blogs.. I'm
going to end it here...where I have yet again stumbled across a mental
block...with nothing even remotely intellectual to say!~~ agh... I'm
going to end this with my current favourite speech from
Shakespeare...yes.. when lacking in anything worthy to say.. steal a
quote from Shakespeare...*shakes head dissapprovingly*....
And why not death rather than living torment?
To die is to be banish'd from myself;
And Silvia is myself: banish'd from her
Is self from self: a deadly banishment!
What light is light, if Silvia be not seen?
What joy is joy, if Silvia be not by?
Unless it be to think that she is by
And feed upon the shadow of perfection
Except I be by Silvia in the night,
There is no music in the nightingale;
Unless I look on Silvia in the day,
There is no day for me to look upon;
She is my essence, and I leave to be,
If I be not by her fair influence
Foster'd, illumined, cherish'd, kept alive.
I fly not death, to fly his deadly doom:
Tarry I here, I but attend on death:
But, fly I hence, I fly away from life.
AWW.... which girl would NOT fall in love with a guy who professes his love for her like that!!!
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| New beginings...I thought I'd blog now since I have nothing better to be
doing.. and whilst I'm feeling sick and all.. I might as well sit
around and do something constructive as opposed to wasting time feeling
sorry for myself!!... So I went shopping with Kel today at Chatswood
where I also ran into Anj!~~ hehe.. I think I've seen you more in the
last month than I have in the last how many years?!?!? I ended up
getting another pair of shoes today.. they're these really cute white
version of the current "IT" shoes (so they say... )!~~~
Bad thing is they're still sitting tight...hiding away in my car atm!!!
lol... I couldn't take them into the house cos mum was there...and she
only just told me off on Sunday for buying another new pair of shoes
last week!! hehe.. agh!!!
So I spent the better half of my night/afternoon with Cec last night
mainly venting...but also planning out my life goals and objectives!!!
I actually feel a whole lot better now knowing that I have the faint
whisps of a "plan" in sight... It also means that for the next couple
of weeks I'm going to be kept very very busy!!! Doing research and what
not!!~~ I think I kinda went from having absolutely nothing to do...to
having too many things to do now!!! I kinda feel overwhelmed...but I
don't know whether thats because I actually do have a lot to do....or
whether its because of everything else thats been happening!!
HUMS....well hopefully it will all calm down soon hey?!?!
On that note.. let me just say that it's always comforting to know that
when it comes down to it.. I know that I've always got people around
who care enough to take time out for me... So I guess I'll just take
this opportunity to say much love to everyone who have done so!!~~ I'm
really really grateful!! esp. these days!!! Where I'm pretty much an
emotional wreck and kinda all over the place.. lol!!
*HUGS*HUGS*MUAHS*MUAHS*!!~~~
*sighs*... I've just realised how extraordinarily mundane my thoughts
are these days!! So as much as I'd like to keep these blogs
interesting... I'm gonna have to apologise and say...Nope!!~~ I'm just
not creative enough!!~~~
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| All order has been restored...Hums..
I can't even remember the last time I blogged..and I'm too lazy to
check... I'm going to hazard a guess and say it was last Thursday...so
what have I been up to since then??.. Nothing much really... Met up
with Kel on Tues... where our lunch session turned into a makeover
session with me going online shopping on her comp!! hahah...and also
browsing through some pictures... muahaha... it was VERY fun!!!
heheh*wink*wink*nudge*nudge*... It was great catching up again!!!
Nehoos... after that I headed out to the
city where I then proceeded to watch The Omen...which as I remembered
correctly from the original was not scary!!!... Although I do have to
admit the psycho nanny did
have me very freaked out and at one point in the movie I literally
jumped out of my seat!!! Thinking back on the psychotic devil
worshipping lady gives me the
chills..!!  I don't scare very easily so thats saying something!! hahah Well at least I say I
don't!!
So neways... my rant for todai
to keep those of you who are bored enough to read this entertained....
as
I was sitting on the train today listening to my iPod... I suddenly
realised that...well..this MAY apply to most people...but I'm just
talking in the context of myself just to simplify things... neways.. I
realised that.. sometimes you really just can't judge someone from
their appearances.. now I know that that is the most age-old saying
ever...(omg..does that even make SENSE???!?!?!)... it's been said over
and over..and used in soo many different contexts... random note: one
of my fav. quotes from Shakespeare "Look th' part of the innocent
flower... and be the serpent underneath"...or something along those
lines.. nehoos... as I originally started saying... I know its like one
of those "duh!! you had an epiphany based on that??" But it kinda hit
me hard whilst sitting on the train...where I was dressed all lady like
and all that...by lady like I'm referring to the blow-dried hair, heels
and make up... and through my iPod I had the deafening strains of KSE's
"My Last Serenade" blasting at my eardrums!! lol... I don't know.. that
seems like a pretty random and stupid thought! haha but its the only
thing I can think of atm thats worth mentioning...!!~~ HUMS!!!! I sooo
had a point to that story.. but I kinda got lost.. hahaha so we shall
just leave it at that!!
so
nehoos...moving right along onto the personal life front... nothing
much has changed really... I had a slight period of drama and chaos
since my last blog...but everything has been settled and everything is
all "cool" again..!!~~
On another tangent.....though I
have made it abundantly clear that I refuse to jump onto the whole
Soccer World Cup bandwagon... In the spirit of patriotism...I'm gonna
say that we were soooo rorted in the Aus vs. Italy game.. and shame on
the Chinese news commentator who so unabashedly showed his love for
Italy and his derogatory comments on Australia!!!! Go the
Socceroos!!~~~~~
http://blogs.smh.com.au/worldcup/archives/2006/06/chinese_comment.html
(thanks to Erik for keeping me up to date on the soccer.. hahah)
Sighs... on a final note... I found the this song
hidden away in my music files..and I thought how appropriate so I'd
just thought I'd share...Sometimes I think I need a break from Sydney..
find a new place and start a fresh... many people think that it's
running away... But I don't think so... I think its just a need for a
change...oh wells...who knows what the future will hold hey?!?!
"How did you get
here??.. Nobody's supposed to be here... I've tried that love thing for
the last time....So I placed my heart under lock and key..To take some
time and take care of me.. But I turn around and you're standing
here..."
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| Confused...I'm
so in love with this song atm!!... I think I'm getting back into loving
musicals and all that jazz.. So continuing on the same sentiments as my
last blog entry... I was going slightly mental today walking around the
house singing "Don't cry for me Argentina...the truth is I never left
you..." whilst spending the odd moment in my room listening to this
song!! Mental note..I must get my hands on the sheet music for this
song...speaking of which.. I think I'm going to focus my attentions
onto more productive things now...such as my beloved piano who hasn't
been getting much love from me for the past month or so...
I've just said goodnight to the
last person I was chatting to tonight on MSN...so I'm now diverting all
my attention onto this blog.. well..as much as I can considering its
2:30 am!! Why am I still up so late??...Partly because I've
totally screwed up my body clock due to the late night stressing
sessions just before exams....and MAINLY because I had a totally weird
and random chat abt an hr ago....I'm still trying to figure out whether
it was all just a practical joke or if it was for real...and if it
happens to be the latter.....then I'm in a lot of trouble!!! haha..
agh...setbacks of the internet...that anyone can get access to your
accounts i.e. MSN...and use it!!~~~ although I guess the whole Webcam
thing would counteract that... but personally I only know of one person
who actually uses it... OK.. I'm kinda having a dilemma as to whether I
should divulge what has happened here or not.. me thinks I will hold
off for now... I'm just going to assume it was all just a joke...one
that was pretty farfetched.. but nehoos enough of that...
I had an interesting chat with one
of my close friends today who I haven't talked to in ages!! It was soo
good talking again.. esp. since I hadn't talked to anyone and was going
slightly out of my mind...(I think I just like saying that!! hahah I
keep telling every ear willing to listen....or not....that I'm going out of my
mind...)
nehoos... after a while we kinda stumbled across the whole males +
cheating thing... and she was telling abt all these unexpected ppl who
actually cheated on their partners... It brought to mind a line "Men
are only as faithful as their options" from Chris Rock...yes.. I am
getting my theories and quotes from a comedian.. but anyhoos!! I have
to grudgingly admit it was quite a good way of summing things up!! Very
clever indeed!! Honestly... I can only think of a handful of guys who
wouldn't cheat on their gfs...but even then... it's probably just a
case of limited choices!!.. I just don't understand it... are we really
THAT different?? Are there really genetic predispositions that separate
us so from the opposite gender??...Sometimes I wish it wasn't the
case...but unfortunately... the numbers point to this being true...As
mentioned before..of all the males I know...old and young...statistics
don't look too good for the male race!!
Ok...so I know I'm bitter...and
the whole staying home alone everyday for the past month thing probably
hasn't helped!! It's ok though!! I'm seeking treatment.....yah!~.. if
all goes according to plan...I shall be out with a couple of drinks tmw
night...therefore giving some of my normalcy back to my mental state!!
lol.. I kid I kid... but sers though... it should be good...actually
getting out and abt!!~~
I shall now get ready to bed listening once again to this song....it's sooo good!!...well...I like it!!... hahah
"Where do we go from here?... This
isn't where we intended to be...We had it all.......Deep in my heart
I'm concealing....Things that I'm longing to say.... Scared to confess
what I'm feeling...Frightened you'll slip away...You must love
me....You must love me...."
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| Slowly going insane... or Post-exam withdrawl..??Alrighty...
so as the title suggests....the first agenda on the list... am I slowly
going insane??? Since the end of my exam today...which was
approximately two hours ago... I've had a massive influx of thoughts
and emotions....yes!!.. much more than usual... so much so that I feel
as if my brain will implode if I don't get it out of my system...Seeing
as everyone I can talk to is either working or studying... I've had to
keep an ongoing monologue in my head since aforementioned time... This
has
since led to me thinking that I really AM going insane!!... Towards
the end of my session of madness... I found myself wishing I had that
Dumbledore contraption thingy... and I for the life of me can't
remember what
its called!!~~ But basically what it does is it stores all your
thoughts
and memories in a silver dish... I really think it has marketing
potential right there!!
apple should consider that as a new generation high-tech thing..(ok..
that was completely random)..but really!! Who wouldn't want one of
those?? A portable memory storer...So you won't forget that witty
comment that flashed through your mind whilst walking home!! Or that
hilarious joke you thought of whilst sitting in a boring meeting!!! ok
ok.. I'm just going to stop with
that train of thought right there...
So getting onto the post-exam syndrome which I so originally named...NOT......
Its a strange sensation... I always pictured the last day of exams for
what is potentially the end of my uni life would have had
more...excitement?? joy?? relief??... Instead I left my exam room an
hour and a half before it was due to finish... to be greeted by none other
than the cloudy grey skies and muddy grass through which I had to
trudge through to get to my car... I was left wondering what happened??
Where did all my expectations go?? and why am i feeling
so...agh!!....It's always worrying when mum actually finds it weird and
surprising that I'm not going out to "celebrate"...It only got me to
thinking that maybe I SHOULD be going out to party.. have the odd drink..
and just celebrate the end of exams.. even IF it isn't my last
one!..sighs... I guess life really doesn't turn out to be all that you
expect!!
Hums..!! As was predicted.. I've
stumbled across a mental block and can't remember anything I was going
to blog abt!! After all my incessant thoughts that plagued me whilst
driving home...nothing.. my mind comes up with nothing when I actually
have a soure of outlet!!.. "incessant"... I think thats my word for the day...
with every new thought that comes to mind I find myself invariably
thinking of how to incorporate the word "incessant" in there... Is it
slightly disturbing that the word "incessant" is so closely related to
the word "incest"...?? OK!!.. now thats just one too many Freudian
concepts running through my mind.. can you blame me though?? I did just
walk out of a psyc exam!!~~
Since leaving Randwick
Racecourse.. I've gone to rent a whole stack of DVD's to keep me
company for what I predict will be a long and lonely week...bought the
paper in the hopes of motivating me to look for a job.. and donated to
the Salvos...what can I say??.. I felt like doing a good deed!!... next
on the list is adopting a kid... NOT the Brangelina way.. but the
Anglicare kinda way....all the other organisational names allude me
atm...sighs.. am i losing my memory on top my mind???
For those of you who have known me
long enough.. to which only one person comes to mind really... but
nehoos.. Am I really the same person who once so naively.. yet
adamantly.. declared that I wouldn't mind living in the hills with me,
my piano and my goat??....hahaha... I realise now how wrong I
was...me..who can't even go one day without ranting or talking to
SOMEONE... anyone!!!
Ok... I'm officially devoid of
anything remotely interesting to say now so I think I am going to take
this chance to take what's left of me and go watch some DVD's...lol...
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