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fotophun
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Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Birthday: 8/15/1983
Gender: Female
Interests: um... photography again... but i'm also into theater... and i'm working on a career as a professional sleeper. i'm getting pretty good... i practice a lot....
Expertise: photography... although expertise makes me sound so cocky about my abilities... but it's what i enjoy the most... if you wanna know what else i'm good at you can IM me at hannahfoto15 and i'll tell ya all about it....
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message me
Member Since:
4/7/2003
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| i'm having a Carrie moment... i was just broken up with in my own kind of post-it note. andrew just sent me a text message at 3 in the fucking morning to break up with me. i've decieded to take a break from hysterical crying (as it has been an hour or so...) to get a bit of it this out here.
he said:
"hey how u doin. i can't do it anymore. the whole distance thing and the not knowing what will happen after [college]. you're a top chick but we just aint going to work. i'm sorry."
how am i doing??? HOW AM I DOING??? well i was doing a whole fucking lot better before i read this txt!! why couldn't you just CALLLLL ME!!! this is not something you send and thats it, you're hands are clean of the matter. you're just going to let me sit here on the other side of the world and sob?? you son of a bitch.
ya know that scene in indiana jones, when the guys heart gets ripped out of his chest... i swear that right now, i know exactly what that feels like. its painful and yet, numbing all at the same time. if you were being squeezed to death by a boa constrictor, i would imagine it would feel something like this... like you could pop. like, your chest was exploding, and each breath was more and more difficult to suck in. and you hoped it would be quick so you could just fucking die and get some sleep.
fuck. | | |
| “you’re going to miss your plane.” She rolled over and kissed him. She didn’t want him to say any more. Laying in that bed, snuggled up close to him, her flight home was the last thing on her mind. It was their last day in new Zealand. She wanted to spend it all holding him. The had spent the previous night in the bar. Everyone was dancing and laughing and having a great time. Clearly no one else wanted to think about leaving the next day either.
Her head ached. She was still a little drunk. She had no idea how much she had to drink last night, but it was enough so she couldn’t remember it. She pulled her knees up to her chest and curled up. She was surprised to find she was in her pajamas. Once again, her memories of last night were full of holes. ‘ when did I go to my room and change?’ she couldn’t remember. But she was glad she had managed.
There was a shifting, and she felt him slide towards the bottom of the bed. He slipped easy off the top bunk bed and made his way to the bathroom. She was cold, and realized how warm he had been keeping her. She smiled to herself. A minute later the bed rocked as he climbed back up the ladder. As he lay down next to her again, she rolled over to face him. She kissed his cheek and put her hand on his chest. He took her hand and wove his fingers in between hers. He had held her hand all night.
She checked her watch. Only 3 more hours until they had to go to the airport. “do you want to get some breakfast?” he grunted and nodded. ‘what is with boys and grunting?’ she laughed. “it’s time to get up,” she nudged him. He just wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. She ran her fingers through his messy hair. “Come on. Time to get up. Take a shower. I’m going to my room. I’ll meet you downstairs at 10.” He stretched and made some more grunted boy noises. She had to kiss him again.
She found her room key on the floor and made her way down one floor to her own room. She unlocked the door and went inside. Her bed was still untouched. Her pants and shirt from last night were crumpled on the floor. He shoes were still stuck in the bottom of her pants. She must have just slipped everything off in one go. She grabbed the towel off her bad and stripped down. Grabbing her shampoo, she stumbled trying to get her shower shoes on. The hot water felt nice. She smiled to herself. ‘I think I just had a one night stand.’ Not that it was something she admired, but it was very out of character and she liked it.
After her shower, she packed up her bag for the last time. It would be nice not living out of a suitcase as she had been doing for nearly two weeks. She checked her watch again. “shit.” She only had 10 minutes to finish up packing, get dressed, and get downstairs to check-out. She pulled her hair back in a clip. She didn’t bother brushing it. She did one last check around the room to be sure she hadn’t forgotten anything. She had already lost one flip-flop at the last place they stayed, but she didn’t see anything around this room. She picked up her bags and made her way clumsily out the door. As the elevator doors closed, she took a deep breath, held it for a minutes and breathed out slowly. Her head was spinning. She still felt sick.
As the elevator doors opened on the ground floor, she shoved herself and her load of bags through out, practically spilling into the lobby. She felt her backpack being lifted off her shoulder, and she looked up to see Drew standing behind her grabbing her bag and jacket as she lost her grip on them. She gave him a smile. He didn’t smile back, but she knew he was on the inside.
They had been traveling together, touring the country for ten days. It wasn’t until half way into the trip that they became friends. He was traveling with someone… a girl. They weren’t together though; just friends traveling together. She had become good friends with Kat, and Drew just fell into place along the way. She and Drew had bonded over a game of Taboo and a six-pack of beer. The next day they had both gone sky diving. Everyday from there on, they became closer and closer. They would tease each other. She was the “hobbit” and the “g’nome” to him. She did her best to tease him back, but she usually wound up just sticking her tongue out at him or giving him a shove. She really wanted to give him a hug. When they were alone, he would hold her hand and give her quick hugs. But with the group, they did their own thing. He played the tough guy who couldn’t be bothered, and she would chat with Kathy. That’s just the way it went. But at some point last night, something changed. She tried desperately to remember. Who kissed who? When did it happen? Where were we? She couldn’t recall. She kicked herself for being so stupid and drinking so much.
Kathy came over and said good morning. After they had all checked out, they chucked their bags in the storage room and headed out to find some food. As they walked through the streets, Drew would give her little shoves. She just looked up and smiled at him. She wanted to hold his hand, but she glanced at Kathy and thought it would be better if she didn’t. The three travelers found a café and sat together. She couldn’t eat. She drank a bottle of water instead. Kathy had some toast, and Drew just sat quietly. They took their time at the café. None of them really wanted to leave.
At twelve o’clock, they all caught the shuttle to the airport. They slept most of the way there. They were all flying out around the same time, but Kathy and Drew were going to a different place so they were on a different flight. When the time came for her to say goodbye, she tired to play it cool. She tired to act like it was just another goodbye and she had done it a million times before. Inside she was scrambling to think of a plan. She had to get him alone once more. She wanted to throw her arms around him. Kiss him again. She couldn’t think fast enough. Her head was still spinning. She hugged Kathy and they both promised to keep in touch. She turned to Drew. They looked in each other’s eyes. She saw his eyes dart in Kathy’s direction. She knew she wasn’t going to get him alone. So she raised herself up on her toes and grabbed him around the neck in a tight hug. They kissed on the cheek. He told her to take care. That he would be in touch. He promised. She had her doubts. As she turned away, she blew them both a kiss. She was sad to go, but ready to be back home.
Ten hours later, she found herself at the bus station. Relieved to be home finally. Her friend surprised her by picking her up at the bus. She got home and dumped her bags in her room. After saying hello and goodnight to everyone, she flopped in her bed and was asleep in minutes. Before her alarm even went off the next morning, her cell phone buzzed; alerting her she had received a text message. It was from Drew. She smiled. He had kept his promise to be in touch. She read the message and smiled. As she rolled over to drift back to sleep, she started making plans for her next trip. Maybe it wouldn’t be a one night stand after all.
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| "I tried taking pictures, but they were so mediocre. I guess every girl goes through a photography phase. You know, horses... taking pictures of your feet."
charlotte, lost in translation
maybe this is just my phase. | | |
| what do you do if you wake up one morning and you doubt yourself. you doubt you got up for the right reasons. you doubt that you should be going where you're planning on going. you doubt you're even in the right place. what the fuck am i doing here? your head is screaming. yesterday it was clear... obvious even. i am here. i am meant to be here. i am good at what i am doing. i am me. today... its just all foggy. confidence leaks out of you like piss from a scared kid. suddenly, you find yourself lost and feeling alone on the other side of the world. no way to go back... not really sure which road you should take to move ahead. left. right. up. straight ahead. fuck if you can tell. it all looks like doom and gloom from where you stand. all for a reason, they tell you. fucked up reason this must be. all will work out, they tell you. whose gonna pick up the pieces and put you back together when it finally does? a rumble of thunder. big drops of rain begin to fall. swing your legs back under the blankets. lay your head back down. tomorrow will come. start this thing over again. | | |
| i'm leaving tomorrow.... holy shit is all i can say.
(oh, and i don't think i'm gonna post here when i'm there... check the philly2canberra page instead if you wanna keep up with me... lol) | | |
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