You know what Rachel? It seems to me like you're in an awesome place. God is stretching you and growing you and making you ready for something great. Just hold on there. You're gonna make it." - Lee Prichard

Thanks Lee. Sometimes we need to hear things audibly what we already know internally in order to press on to our goal.

For all of you keeping up with this sad excuse for a blog, I just wanted to let you know that my life right now is full of mixed emotion. Nothing is as it seems and the sands of my stability keep shifting. The only firm place I have to stand is on my Rock, Jesus Christ. And yes, I'm holding on tight to the hope I have in Him. BUT, the trouble I'm having right now is deciding what to let go of and what to hold on to. I'm at this place of incredible tension in my heart, mind, and spirit, and I'm not sure why. All I know is that when I get here, I will usually do anything to rid my mind of extra baggage, but that's not necessarily a good thing. Sometimes that involves pushing my commitments and other people into a different state of mind. In other words, I push everything away.
Of course, that was my old way. I'm fighting with everything that is in me not to do it again. I'm praying for a breakthrough with this tension; that something will either go backwards or forwards, just as long as this goes away.
BUT, I know that I must break the habit of running. I must break of habit of shielding my heart to the point that nothing can penetrate it. However, I'm trying to look ahead of me and I wonder constantly, "Do I really want to see what comes of this? I was fine with the way things were...." And then I realize that I can never go back to the way things were. Like the rest of the flow of time, I must go forward.

Ok.....here's a question. This is totally off subject, but...here goes nothing. What do you do when you don't know what you want? And I'm not talking about going into Subway and staring at the menu for 20 min and finally deciding to settle for a chicken sub. No, no, no. I'm talking about the big stuff. Y'know....life's stuff. You may have gone through that process with college or any other decision. For me, I always know what I want. I know where I'm going and how I'm going to get there, or at least, I have a plan. With Bryan College, it was the only college I visited, and I wanted to be a Bryan Lion right when I stepped on campus. I knew it was where God wanted me to be, even if I can't finish my degree there. But the point is, I had no doubts about where I was at! Now, why can't everything else be that way? Shouldn't everything else be that way? Well, that's what I've always been told.

As you can see, friends, I am in a place that is anything but easy or convenient. I know that God will direct me, but my heart is completely befuddled. Please pray that as I surrender my heart Him, that I'll be able to hear and follow his voice.

Ok. I DID finish my story, really. BUT...it got deleted somehow, so I have to retype it. But no worries my friends, it will get done. ^-^ In the meanwhile, I've been starting on something new. Go check it out on my facebook. Here's the link, it SHOULD get you there. http://bryan.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=2360678404  Tell me what you think! ^_^

~Fountain~

Part 3

Will- (nudges Dennis) Hey…who’s the guy sitting beside Christine?

Dennis- (shrugs shoulder) I don’t know. Maybe he’s a cousin.

(Guy beside Christine slips his arm around her)

Will- Maybe a very distant cousin.

Voice over Dennis- Ever since that day, I got a sick feeling to my stomach seeing them together. I thought that this guy would just leave after enough time had passed, just like I’d seen the rest of them do. But after a year and a half went by, I could see that this wasn’t the case. Christine had that look in her eyes every time she looked at him. That spark that I was sure belonged to me. But I couldn’t deny to see it. She was in love with him. Then the day came that I thought that I might have had a fighting chance.

(Scene change to Ridgley High School. Will comes up to Dennis at his locker.)

Will- It looks like you’ve got a chance after all.

Dennis- Chance at what?

Will- Christine! Christine, Dennis! You know. The girl that you’ve stared at every Sunday for the past 3 years?

Dennis- Ok. Ok. Just tell me what this is about.

Will-Well, it seems like her love of the century, Tim, isn’t all that he seems. He just got himself thrown in jail.

Dennis- That does mix things up a bit doesn’t it?

Will- Well? What are you going to do about it?

Dennis- Listen, I have to get to class. And you might wanna do the same. (turns and walks down the hall.)

Will- Your gonna lose her! Your gonna lose her to a jailbird unless you stop being a coward! Dennis! Your not kids anymore, and she doesn’t know to wait on you. Are you listening to me?

Voice over Dennis- Of course, I knew he was right. So, the next Sunday, I made my move. (Scene change to in front of church after service)  

Dennis- Christine?

Christine- Hi Dennis.

Dennis- Hey. Are you walking home today?

Christine- Yes.

Dennis- May I walk you home?

(Christine thinks for a moment and then nods)

Christine- Thanks. That would be nice.

Voice over Dennis- So I walked her home for the first time. And we talked. Actually, she talked. A lot. I liked it. It was the first time we had gone further than just hellos and good morning, and she opened up to me quite a bit. But Tim’s name came up into the conversation more than I would have liked. But I was determined to turn her heart to me, and I was willing to wait for as long as it took to let her love for him fade.

Christine- Well, I guess this is it. Thanks for walking me home. Your a good friend.  I’m sorry that it took so long for me to get to get to know you.

Dennis- Oh, that’s ok. (pauses in thought) We can’t make a new beginning, but we can always make a new end.

Christine- (cocks her head sideways in surprise and smiles) You sure do have a way with words.

Dennis- I try. Um… before you go in, can I ask you something?

Christine- Yes?

Dennis- This Friday…. Would you happen to be free? I mean, would you like to….what I’m trying to ask is…

Christine- Yes. I am free this Friday, and I would like that very much. I haven’t been out of the house much since Tim got arrested.

Dennis- Great! I’ll be here to pick you up at 7. How does that sound?

Christine- That sounds fine to me. See you then.

Voice over Dennis- The walk back home that day was the shortest walk I had ever taken. I was the happiest man alive, or so I thought. The rest of the way was going to be smooth sailing, and I was going to win the girl.