Name| marnelli Nick| haichii Birthday| o1.18.91 Diversions| games, halo3 xD, ao2 !, music, asian drama, and a long list... Proficiency| writing, drawing, reading... art in general. Etcetera| ♥ you know who
I don't know how many people would share my thoughts and feelings, but I've come to a point in my life where half the time I really could care less what comes to mind when anyone sees me, but the other half I worry if I make the right impression on someone.
Right now, I'm trying to come off a normal person -- the kind of person who is generally very nice, warm, and friendly while they are calm, but have a temper when they are angry. The sad thing is, lately I think I've been exuding a negative image. It's especially easy to make a mistaken impression over the internet.
The internet is half my life, apparently. And so I base my day around it; whether it be homework or just screwing around. Most of the time my screwing around leads to me meeting new people, as well. And I do love making real friends.
But what I do hate is when I make the mistake of losing my temper over what seems something very trivial to others.
My mother and sisters had been irritating me with their irrational complaints over cameras. Mainly about the state in which my camera is in. (Dead battery, full memory card.) And so I get very annoyed. I try to calm myself down by going back to what I had been doing, which was playing Mabinogi. (Yes, I'm playing another new MMO. And there's another whose OBT is coming up that I CB tested and really want to go back to.) Unfortunately for me though, because my mind is still frazzled by the previous conversation, I had a hard time fighting the White Dire Wolves that I was trying to help Tia with. So I keep dying, to my misfortune. And as if that wasn't bad enough -- some random person kept coming over and taking my kills. He KS'd me twice, in fact. The second time Tia called him out on it, and he says;
"whats ks?"
Another random fellow in the area, being a little more literate as I was pleased to discover, comes a little closer to where we are and explains;
"KS = kill stealing."
Then continues with;
"Haha, there's no KSing in quest mobs."
Before running off to fight wolves in a completely different area. The first guy says;
"oh. sorry lol"
And yet continues to camp our general area for a while.
The entire time he was KSing me and whatnot, I was getting pissed off in guild chat. So Dustin says to me;
"Take that into all chat. Or into party chat."
Which, unfortunately, annoyed me a bit as well. I love him and all, but goddamnit when I'm pissed, I'm not going to take the time to change what chat I'm in just so I don't involve my guildmates. Especially when I'm in the middle of fighting. I'm just going to hit enter and type furiously.
After a while though, I figured I shouldn't complain and let them hear anymore. So I switch to all chat and change my mood -- now I'm typing in the obviously-pissed-but-trying-not-to-be-too-obvious sort of manner. Short sentences, hyper literate. Not even trying anything to sound like I'm in a good mood or anything. No silly internet slang, no text faces. The kind of writing that makes you sound like a snob.
Yes. I believe I'm an asshole. Yes, my friends try to make me feel like I'm not. But sometimes, they joke around when I don't feel like listening to jokes. Sometimes, they try to make me feel better and it doesn't work in the slightest. Sometimes, they try to help me with my problems, but their solutions just won't work with the kind of person I am.
I do really love my friends. They are very special to me, and I know they have the best intentions in mind. But sometimes, I'm just too much of an asshole. I know that the first few impressions are long-lasting. Sometimes, I worry that the 5oth impression, though, could change the way a person will see me.
