Monday, April 09, 2007

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 00:07:09 GMT

I think it's hillarious... or at least a gloomy humor. in the way i can strive so hard for something. life teases me throws it so close to until it's just nearly in my grasp then rips it away. after all i go through. It's so pointless to keep trying. but that tiny amount of hope burried in a hole deep in my stomache forces me into acts of hopeless romanticism in the cycle of a breaking heart, a shattered dream. a lost memory. but what do i got to show for it? just the crimson being drained from me. or the tears i silently cry invisible to the naked eye. maybe you can't see my pain, maybe cause i hide it so well., for the sake of your happiness. I am the lost. I am the used. I am the broken. I am threw....

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 23:58:43 GMT

A new beggining? I've decided to journal again... cause it gives me something to do. and i like to write.. if you have a problem with it keep it to yourself...

neh

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 04:39:07 GMT

hey im alive yay

SHITDAMNETASSHOLEMO

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 22:32:23 GMT

0.0... brooke made me update...

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 06:49:50 GMT

u people suck! u never comment me :( i feel so un-loved. :)

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 21:26:32 GMT

Hey everyone today i made 95 $ and gotta a venus fligh trap a knife a necklace and yeah 0.o it's awsome.. sept everyone at school wz ass's -0-0- g2g peace

MY BIRTHDAY IS TODAY!

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 07:34:54 GMT

Hey.. everyone it's my birthday 0.0 im 17,000 now... yay :) and it 6:34 in the morning 0.o anywyas.. im bored i gotta try n finish servent of the bones today its book it'll be the fourth one i finish in the passt 6 days :) yay ... im borerd i gotta get ready for school peace

Bull shit post mother Fuckers

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 02:21:22 GMT

sometimes i sit awake at night thinking...just different random things.. like tonight i think the government uses drugs... they know people are rebelous and that if they say to not do them we will... like reverse psycholgy..they use the drugs to keep us stupid or something or not stupid just ignorant ... ignorant meaning the root ignore... for us to ignore the problems they cause ... yet i feel no anarchy in this i used to be so against comformity now i feel it building within my soul.. i dont know how to stop it and for some odd reason i dont want to.. it's like bleeding slowly nto me like being brain washed... maybe it's for our own good... ignorance is bliss... truely... maybe forgetting is best... forget anarchy? forget what the governemnt does? snatch people from the streets test on them then kill them off.? then weeks later see there face on the back of a milk carton? (figuritively obviously we dont have missing posted on milk anymore) but im sure you get the idea... i dont understand why i think when i speak my mind i sound like a complete moron ... you kids wont understand this brooke and sami so dont bother trying... why do we worry so much about everything? our lives are full of b.s and then again if we forget the b.s whuts left is happiness and ignorance is it ignorant to be happy? (sorry if the whole ignorant thing sound to michael jackson like but it fits better than "stupid" ) why do we go through life downing other to make ourselves look better? why is there so much hate? for so long people have known me as an asshole... a moron dense drug grungy m. effen s.o.b... and they're right.. so awfully right... until i hit 5 grade i was nice to the everyone. ryan baker a black poor kid that noone like i befreinded to make him happy and others looked down upon me for this.. truly sad... i learned that i had to be mean to be liked... and i dont like myself for it... i became hateful towards people authority.. everyone.. i became suicidal hating myself for being worthless... i hated other people for being better than me when its not they're fault it was mine n mine alone... i know love cannot exist without hate... and i kno i sound odd... stupid moronic and just like all the people that say "why can't we all just get along" but... i dont know i dont even know whut im talking about sorry for anyone that gets mixed up or confused about what im saying i am a realy contridicting person... i dont kno... lifes full of anguish hate fear loathing coruption... but why dwell on it when u could feel happiness is it for other people to have sympathy for you?.. im tired of being me i wish i was a dog or something im tired of being the keeper of things people dont know but need to kno... i'm tired of not being important im tired of wanting to be important heh... i know all my life all i wanted was to be known.. and to be important but i realize nuthing matters i mean something has to matter but it's not important enough to dwell on.. god i sound childish but im tryin to get my point accrossed even if it means nothing to anyone... i want love.... i want to be loved and i want to love not in the romantic or passionate way.. but in the way of happiness and kindness.. i dont want to be full of hate or resentment or envy and i dont want to ask the world for sympathy either i dont want to try to make it obvious that i had a bad life because well it doesn't matter what matter is how to fix it i dont want sympathy i want intellegance and answers...i want to be a grandfather telling stories of life and a father passing down morals and philosphies and i want to be the person people come to when they have noone else ... i dont want to dwell on hate i dont want to be mad there are things that will happen to interupt this though... and make me feel as a hipokrit.. i want to build my grandchildren a clubhouse and teach them to swing or anything i want to read to people that cannot i want to hold peoples hands as they pass emotional times and i want to be there for people that cry over things as small as spilled milk.. i dont want to be there person that complaines about everything and that yells constantly and i dont want to be the person everyone hates.. yes all this came about talking about the government told u i thought wierd shit... i know some of you have thought these things before.. and i kno those who havn't maybe will...this is a long post and i doubt many of you will read it.. but i love to write... i think maybe im being selfish let me re-phrase i think i was selfish i thouhgt in helping others they'd help me... but that's not true.. in helping other you help yourself.... i admit there are times i break down and cry and noone is there to help there are times i hate myself or times i feel the need to have someone help me but i wont ask of this of the world any longer i dont want people to pitty me. if i need help and it's not there there's good reason for it. all i ask is that people try to smile when they wake up no matter what's going on then they can think of alll the bad things but at least try to smile ...

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 02:37:31 GMT

Hey.. i was suposed to go to jaydens today but it didn't work out :-/ imma try to next weekend though :) umm.. well im bored n everything.. pictures below V yeah my lip was busted busted it on a bus seet :/ anyways.. ill write more later..

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Sun, 12 Mar 2006 22:29:08 GMT

fukitall's Xanga