I'm back in LA now, getting ready to leave for China in a few days. It still hasn't hit me, the finality of it all, the closing of this chapter of my life and the start of a new one that includes a different city, lifestyle, and career path. However, God has been gracious through it all, allowing me to grow in ways that I didn't expect. It's funny how He works, always in His own time, never according to your expectations.
I was distraught leaving DC and shed many tears. Who would've thought that 10 months ago, I would be sad leaving a place that was once so foreign and daunting? Despite the challenges of the year, I'm grateful first for growth in Christ through the trials set before me, and secondly for the chance to make some great friends. I'm so glad to be able to have the chance to know them, pray for them, and share the love and word of Christ. Who knows what God has planned? Still, I'm glad to be used at least in a minor way for His glory.
I keep a journal and love to carry it around and read past entries to see how much God has changed me over a certain amount of time. I opened up my journal today and flipped back to the first week I moved to DC and read this:
Thursday, August 9, 2007"Dear God, things are hard. It's been a week now and I know that all I've been doing is complaining and am disheartened at my situation. Orientation started today. Everyone there is so hardcore and driven about med school. Only me and maybe 4 other people I haven't met yet aren't applying for this next year. I feel really left out and kind of stupid. People keep asking me why I'm here. Since I'm not really interested in med school anymore, I feel really lonely and out of place. I really miss my support system at home in SD. Everyone was rooting for me to live in a way that most glorifies Christ! They always encouraged me and we all were like-minded with a heavenly perspective. All I want is to get a flexible job to one day successfully raise a God-fearing family."Reading this entry was especially gratifying because since then God has shown me a new and better path for my life in terms of a career, and people in DC actually supported my decision and were genuinely happy for me when I got into USC for PA school. God has led me a long way from those early months.
Another entry:
Monday, Sept. 3, 2007"This has been an amazing challenge and I'm thoroughly grateful. Let me take Dalia's advice and not leave my heart in SD, but live in DC with all my heart so that I won't have regrets. I praise you for allowing me to feel uncomfortable with my role here and with the company I'm with. Thank you for letting me yearn for you and biblical fellowship."It took lots of trusting in God and growth, but I did live in DC with all my heart, and I have no regrets...
So ends the hardest year of my life, the loneliest, but one of the most fulfilling. The year in which I depended most on Him, and He faithfully delivered me. Ready to be challenged and to grow even more. Bring it on, God!
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