well it has been a long tiem hasnt it. I always forget to do stuff like this.
Well nothings been gonig on really...nothing new atleast. I work lke 6 days a week and seeing kat and kung fu are the highlights f my weeks haha. i always feel as if i want to write someting profound in here but then i think noone really wants to read anything like that because it always sounds dumb in the end. i figure it might not be too bad to write here though because my memory is getting shittylike lately and i might as well be able to read what i just did haha.

well im done with this......ADD is telling me its sure there is something better to do somewhere haha.

hopefully ill remmember to write in this more often.

boooooo to school!! I just want the summer to come. This year has sucked so bad i decided to just be a lifeguard again because its relaxing as all hell to just sit around all day and when people leave i can listen to music and do just about anything i want. Good job, haha i wish i could get payed a lot more for it and do it my whole life. But back to the main point, wtf is up with school. I hate studying, if we were ment to think this hard God would have made thinknig this hard easy. If it werent for people i cared for i would have just stopped do this whole school thing. The only reason im still here is so i dont let people down, which in some peoples view is the wrong perspective for me to have. Whatever.

On a good note though my 21st birthday wasnt too bad. I went out with friends and it was a lot of fun...althoguh the next day, the WHOLE DAY, wasnt nearly as fun. But im still glad it went the way it did    i enjoyed myself and all the people who came out and just about everything, but then again i havent heard all the horrible things that i did........haha

With that other thignie out of the way im gonig to ramble now.

Just as a disclaimer i dont really want to back anything i ever write on this page up. Its my feelings and if you care to talk about them or whatever thats cool, but dont feel the need to try to belittle me by giving me YOUR point of view, not to be ignorant but i dont really care and i hate people who try to force thier ideas on me no matter what it might be.

I was riding on the train today and i was thinking about stuff. Its odd i was thinking about this, given my past record on being "disgruntled" to most people, but i was wondering why people always feel the need to destroy something good and happy. This came up because i am reading a book in a series, and being the cheater i am while reading, i went onto the internet and took a quick peak at how the rest of the series goes. I didnt want to look too deep into the summaries just get a quick overview of the plot and all. I found something that pissed me off a lot. While the plot is far from a happy one there are touches of happyness in the thought that people seem to have a sense of friendship and love between each other. The author seems to not like happy people and love and fucked it all up and made it really dumb so i have decided not to waste my tme reading all of the books, i will finish this one and possible the other one that is a continuation of this story, and then i will stop reading them.

I guess this is brought on by the fact that if i grow to like something, which doesnt happen extremly often, i am very pissed if it lets me down. I am selective in my friends and my hobbies and just about everything in my life, including the books i read. I will often just drop a hobby or a book i start to dislike and i will even be extemly cautious of pople who might let me down too. Not that i block them out of my life but i just avoid too much contact with them until i can assess them better.

But back onto the main topic, which i will have to cut very short because ive been typnig this stuff too long already. People always seem to way to make something good shitty. I think its because peoples ideas of something being "realistic" is that it turns out poorly. With this in mind think of soem of the plans youve made, gonig to college taking a trip, whatever, more often then not this things dont turn out that bad. Furthermore life in general isnt too bad, ive had a lot of bumps in my life but i can honestly say im loving it all the same. People who think life is only turmoil all the time are very annoying and shouldnt be allowed out of thier own homes so they cant spread thier stupid theorys of life to anyone else. Life turns out ok for most people ( not all i admit but i know quite a few happy people). Its not always exactly what you wanted, but its good enough to bring a smile to your face  when you think of what you have.

Haha, so long story short, people should start writting happy books and making happy movies and then i wont be depressed about things that should be nice being the opposite and making me depressed!

Btw, im sorry for how disjointed this is, i have an attention problem and i jump from one thing to another and also sorry for any typos    i know i suck haha

Well i dont know where to begin. I guess first off anyone who cares to read this has too much time...but then again i suspect most of the people reading it are also the people who sit there late at night and look at other peoples away messages on aim. Im sorry to all those people.....i dont put up away messages haha.

Well im doing this really to try to get some of my thoughts into perspective i guess. I think a lot during everyday and i rarely remmeber what im thinking about because its generally 80 bajillion thoughts at one time.

Chances are i will prob only put a few things in this each month but i guess its good to have something to put all this into other then throwing it all onto another person. Not that i dont have people to talk to....i have tons, some more special then others and i think those silly  (and not so silly) people know who they are, but then again there are a lot of people who are there when i talk and just nod and say yeh i know and stuff and never really listen to anything i might be saying. I usually just think this is because people think im very good at thinking and they might as well just humor me so i dont get pissed off. but they can go fuck themselves!