hello again

so it's been quite awhile since i've written in here...

not much to say really...

just thought i'd say hi to the world of xanga again...

HPNOTIQ

my mind is not my own this evening

and my insanity is my sanity for all to see

cognac and vodka, with a splash of tropical fruit juices... who would have know the french could create such a wonderful thing as this!

still trying to deal with it?

somehow "still trying to deal with it" doesn't sound to confident...

i'm about ready to end it, right here, right now... but i can't... i can't let go, and i can't let her go

something must be wrong with me

so she thinks i'm lying

well

i'm not

and that's the only fucking truth i have, and if she doesn't want to believe me, then she won't believe me... and if she won't trust me because of how stupid i used to be, then that's her choice...

but i've changed

i've changed a lot, and anyone could tell her that i've changed...

but obviously she doesn't want to believe it...
and it hurts

in tears

why am i like this...

why is it that i have to feel this way? why do i draw tear like this? it's like a torrent of pain rushing through me...

i just want someone to tell me...

why love has to hurt so much

i can't listen to myself when i say it to others...
i never know what i'm saying...

i never get to know why it hurts...