| | My life has no purpose. My life has
no direction. No aim. No meaning. And yet I'm happy. I can't figure it
out. What am I doing right?" [Snoopy]
This holiday season, like every holiday season before it, someone will
ask to give thanks for our blessings. I would thank the
Lord for blessing me with the simple things in life: instant ramen,
cable tv, and the gift of being single.
- I'm thankful for the tasty, and yet unsatisfying and
nutritionally barren sustenance, which lets me crawl into my own little
world separated from all the nastiness of the world around me.
- I'm thankful for the media, that vast 60 plus channel wasteland,
which shelters me from the reality of having to actually go out and
deal with drama in life, and reinforces the idea that the trivial can
be made significant.
- I'm thankful for the selfish pleasure in knowing, there's nobody
else around me to worry about having to please or avoid offending, and
definitely having no kids in my life to worry about being a bad parent
to.
What am I really thankful for? What have I benefited most
from? A deep sense of gratitude for vast lands unceremoniously
snatched from the indigenous peoples, then zoned for mixed-commercial
use. I am truly indebted to the good Lord for bestowing upon our
national forefathers the sense of entitlement needed to relentlessly
exploit the natural enviornment, and oppress the poor and the
powerless, until prosperity was theirs.
Today, of course, I give thanks for soft money campaign contributions,
corporate fraud, shady accounting practices, insider trading and the
many other blessed ways that those with power and money fleece just
about everyone else. Each day, I celebrate the widening of the gap
between the haves and the have-nots.
"All I want is what I have coming to me. All I want my fair share." [Sally]
Sure I've dreampt of my own viking range, and a sub-zero fridge.
Sure I've dreamed of owning a 30 foot sailboat.
Sure, I've dreamed of owning a Porsche convertible.
I've worked hard in my life, aren't I entitled to take what's mine, while others suffer?
Aren't I entitled to wash away the guilt with a cold six-pack of microbrewed beer?
I'm thankful that the good Lord blesses needless self-indulgence, and filthy excess.
Do I cherish my possessions above all else, always striving to own more, more, more and still more.
But then can I really say "UNACCEPTABLE!!!" to the corporate thieves
and tax evaders and corrupt accountants of the world? Would
that mean that I'd be less able to live the sort of lavish, overpriced
lifestyle to which I've become accustomed? Would my property
value go down? Without this obscenely overindulgent life what
motivation would I have to get up in the morning and go to my shitty
job? My shitty job pays the mortgage.
The American spirit has always been a spirit of thieving, deception and
greed. Who cares if the system is corrupt? We just let the
businessmen, politicians and the lawyers of the world do their
thing. We turn a blind eye to their nefarious dealings.
God's blessings encourage plundering, looting and taking your entitled
fair share. God's blessings ensure that the American spirit lives
on in all of us.
This fine holiday season, I give thanks for the survival of that
spirit, and pray for enough carelessness and gluttony to secure
prosperity for decades to come!
"I think there must be something
wrong with me, Linus. Christmas is coming but I'm not happy. I don't
feel the way I'm supposed to feel. I always end up feeling depressed."
[Charlie Brown]
Adapted from Salon.com [Nov. 27, 2005 | It takes a pillage, By Heather Havrilesky]
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| | Posted 11/30/2005 7:02 PM - 1 comments
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