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| This year is ending up quite sad.
I'm having a tough time accepting that after graduating nothing will ever be the same. That there will be so many of my friends that I will never see again. There will be so many people that I will never talk to again.
And then there are the few people who have always been your friends. There we always little lapses in your relationship when they're not amazing, but you were still friends, and after a little while you were back to normal again, and they were just always there. Now there are some of those points where I'm not even sure whether or not to even try to mend the friendship so it can amount to nothing, because chances are, two months from now, I'll never hear from them again.
I'd really like to keep in touch with everyone, and to know how everyone does, but it won't happen.
It's been a hell of a year. Things have fallen apart and come together so many times. Right now it's all fallen apart, unfortunately with horrible timing (but hey, I guess bad things can never have good timing). There's not enough time for things to come together before it's all over, and they'll stay forever broken.
I absolutely loathe the fact that that's how it will all end.
I want to just rewind a month or two back and just stop it, or fast forward my life two months and be over with it with hardly any recollection of what happened.
Today's lesson learned: Some people change, and some don't.
I hate screwing myself over, oh and assholes. Not a fan of them either.
I've wasted so much time.
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| meeehI haven't written in here for awhile... again >.<
When things are exciting I'm always busy, and when things are boring, I'm to bored to want to write in here.
Annnd the first exciting thing: new laptop (: Got it three days ago. I'm on it now. Eee, exciting. And it has Vista and it's fancy fancy.
Other exciting things since I've written in here: apps done, EE done, most IA's done, got my permit (finally), went paintballing for the first time (it was amazing), Morp was last friday (it wasn't horrible), and then saturday was Nicolla's Surprise Masquerade Mardi Gras Birthday Party, that was fun. I've been spending a lot of time with family for the last two weeks which is nice.
UC acceptance letters come out next week >.<
I'm terrified. This is going to be a stressful month, or very busy anyways.
I've been noticing though that I've been falling back to a lot of old habits and patterns of things. Talking to people again that I had stopped talking to for whatever reason. Falling back on my music whenever I was stressed or anything just drowning everything out. It never made anything better really, it actually just made things worse often times, but it's just comfortable. And I just think of random things that I used to think about when I was a kid about space or little creatures living all over the place forming millions of their own little words within ours and what they'd be like.
I don't know what's wrong. Maybe it's the stress, but I think I've been doing these things before massive stress came on.
Meeeh.
I need to go ponder about my life sometime soon.
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| I've been sick lately,
well just for the past week anyways.
Sick with the flu.
It stinks.
So does coughing every 3 seconds so you can't even complete a sentence. Yeah, not a fan.
Also not a fan of many people right now.
They're just sucky again, and stupid.
They're irritating really.
People who want attention and sympathy.
Hooray for the very very few that I can stand anymore, and a thank you to them.
Nooow, I get to go watch the State of the Union Address, again, for history >>
EE due monday >.<
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| I don't want to be hurt anymore.
I don't want to hurt.
I don't want to care.
These days, I wish I could just turn off feelings.
No one gets what they want these days anymore.
I'm tired of all it.
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| I hate not being able to do anything,
ever.
I hate that everyone
gets off with everything
easier than I do.
I hate unfair authority.
How many days until I can leave?
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