|
geckabug
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Jessica
Birthday: 11/11/1983
Gender: Female
Interests: I will always be learning what it means to love the Lord; I am head over heels in love with my husband, Kevin, and I'm learning how to be a wife; I'm a Howard Payne Music graduate; I like anything to do with music; I also like looking at the stars, reading books, drinking good coffee, being with friends, and Christmas.
Expertise: Music and the like. Can anyone claim real expertise in that genre? I don't think I can.
Occupation: Secretary
Message: message me
AIM:  bttrflyis608
Member Since:
7/6/2003
|
|
| the one thingI'm one who tends to forget great morsels of truth, but there was one particularly memorable thing my mom told me when I was about 7:
"People will always disappoint you, but God never will."
Of course, then, I probably just said, "okay," and ran outside to play barefoot in the street. (I did not ride my bike barefoot. But that's another blog for another time).
Good grief, she wasn't kidding. My first experience with this truth was around 6th grade when my best friend and I went in "different directions." In 7th grade, it was the rich, snobby kids at my church who crushed me and my naivety. The pattern continued through high school and college. And now that I'm a "grown up," or so I've been categorized, I feel overwhelmed at how serious this statement seems to be. I mean, just in the past few months, I've been so let down by people that I just want to sell everything I own and buy an island (as if everything I own equals the cost of my own island). Is it easier to just not know many people? More fences = less disappointment?
Now, I'm not going to make Paul Simon's "I'm a rock, I am an island..." my theme song. But gosh...it is so extremely burdening to see people close to me screwing up (to put it frankly). I want to tell them what to do, I want to try to fix everything, I want to yell at them, I want to make them stop being so foolish, to smack them in the face when they say and do the dumbest things. Think of the equivalent of beating them over the head with a family-size Bible.
I've made stupid mistakes, too. And I feel sometimes like I'm smack-dab in the middle of screwing things up (to put it frankly). I want to beat my own head against the family-size Bible, because this brick wall is starting to hurt.
Hey, but there's a bright side to this deep, dark, depressing downer. "God never will." Yeah, I cry over people and get burdened for them. Yeah, I will be upset and sometimes righteously angry. But God...God is my Constant One. He hasn't screwed things up, and I can always count on Him. I can count on His discipline (ouch), His provisions, His forgiveness, His love.
So whether or not this is a phase of people making me crazy in concentrate, or this is laying the groundwork for the rest of my life, I can take comfort in the fact that I don't have to take burdens on myself. It's all God's crap to handle. And what a relief - He's not going to disappoint anyone a single bit.
jess })i({ | | |
| hm."The Truth is never sexy,
So it's not an easy sell
You can dress her like the culture
But she'll shock 'em just as well
She don't need an apology
For being who she is
She don't need your help
Makin' enemies...
So I don't care if nobody loves me...but You."
- Derek Webb of the Church
"She Must and Shall Go Free" Album | | |
| DoneWell, I'm out a gallbladder. It went pretty well. Kinda rough recovery, though. Thanks, Lindsey, for the words of encouragement! But I think I'm going to stick with the pain meds for now.
Kevin made this really great video of the day. Only he could make spending hours at a hospital tons of fun. I think he's going to post it on Myspace soon.
Okay, thanks for all your prayers and words of wisdom!
jess })i({ | | |
| Thursday...Alright, folks, I'm officially having surgery on Thursday to remove my gallbladder. Thanks for your prayers, I'm delighted that progress is actually being made. I'll be back to let you know how my first time under the knife went!
jess })i({ | | |
| need your help.This whole post is going to be about my symptoms, so that maybe someone out there can figure out what is wrong with me. And maybe I will pay you what I am paying the doctors.
Thursday, March 27th, I woke up with sharp pain in my stomach and felt very nauseated. By Sunday, March 31st, it hadn’t stopped, so I went to Care Now. The doctor there told me to get a sonogram to check for gallstones. She failed to give me an official referral, so I went to the clinic doctor the next day, though I really don’t like him much. (My regular doctor was, of course, not in the office last week.) He thought I had gall stones as well. So I got a sonogram, and nope, everything’s fine with the gallbladder, evidently. Thursday, I went to a gastroenterologist. He wanted to look in my stomach, so Friday he put one of those scopes down my throat and took pictures. Everything appears to be okay there, also. He took a biopsy of my stomach to check for certain types of ulcers and who-knows-what-else. I should find out the results later this week.
Here’s the run-down of my symptoms: I am not running a fever, and as far as I know, I have not this whole time. I have a really sharp pain in my upper stomach, slightly on the right side. This pain is constant, but occasionally it gets worse to the point where I can’t move for about 30 seconds, then it settles back down. I have mostly constant nausea. When I eat, everything gets worse, and my stomach pooches out like a very pregnant woman.
For example, Saturday, I tried on a pair of pants that I hadn’t been able to wear in 2 years (I’ve lost weight during this ordeal). Then I ate a bagel, and I my stomach was so bloated that my regularly loose jeans were tight. It’s pretty bizarre to see, and it really grosses me out, and hurts pretty badly. The past few days, it has been more and more difficult to keep food down. I have tried not to eat anything at all, but sometimes I’ll throw up a Slimfast, or even the ice I’ve been chomping.
Neither the sonogram nor the endoscopy showed anything unusual. The doctors aren’t sure what the problem is. The gastroenterologist put me on an extremely high fiber diet (we’re talking approx. 40 grams of fiber a day!), but you can imagine what that did. I’m trying my best to avoid food. And I think that’s sad, because food is pretty good, generally.
Have you ever experienced anything like this? Has anyone you know ever experienced anything like this? I think it’s kind of dumb to blog one’s medical issues, but I am getting frustrated. I feel like a burden to my work, church, our finances, and mostly my very busy husband, who has been so wonderful to take care of his freakishly fragile wife amidst his papers and tests and classes and everything.
At very least, could you pray that they might figure something out? I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me or anything dumb like that. I just want to get back in the swing of things. Thanks.
jess })i({
ps- one dr. just called to check up, and scheduled another appointment for Wednesday morning. Maybe that will be progress. | | |
|
