living on a prayer.

too much has happened over the last month or so to describe everything, but i went to a wedding today and i think that deserves some focus because it also leads into a few other points that i've been meaning to write about.

the two of my friends getting married were friends from high school--a different version of the high school sweetheart story, but i think it's pretty incredible to see two people that i've known for several years promise themselves to each other. and me, being the sap, cried of course, because it's a really beautiful (gag, i know, saptastic) thing to say that you will be there for each other for the rest of your lives.

the wedding ceremony was really sweet, and it was nice to see folks from high school and not feel like it was weird or anything. you're just seeing familiar faces and there's no need to feel guilty about how long it's been since you've talked, etc. it's like a whole different space from high school, literally of course but i mean it more figuratively. the whole point was to be happy for the couple, your mutual friends, and i liked that feeling. a joint excitedness for these two people in love, and maybe a bittersweet feeling about closing a chapter of their lives.

anyway, this is only the first installment of weddings, but it's probably good for me that i'm not able to go to one at the end of august. the whole thing makes me introspective, especially when the people getting married are close to my age!

oddly enough, it's not a scary thought. mark and i have been getting pretty serious, and i think while we're both trying to be realistic, we also have come to agree that this is probably it for us. i say it hesitantly because we are both really aware that it's only been just over half a year, and that's not much time. but i have to say that i think it may have come true for me when they say, "when you know, you know." it's funny to make plans with him--not just in a playing house way (i've done that with exes, it's a dangerous game) but in a way where we look at the negative things that could happen too. i don't know, i'm sure it all sounds really weird because i've kept him under wraps, but i guess being at home makes everyone ask about him and what can i say, i'm on a roll.

it's a weird thing, to promise yourself to someone, either formally or informally. but if it's the right person, i guess you make the decision to work it out no matter what. it's a huge leap of faith, in some ways, but i think it's also a conscious choice that you make. i don't know how much is faith and how much is real effort that you put in, but it seems like a necessary step to take in building something stable. at least for me. i'm just hoping i'm not wrong about this.

sweeeeeet.

so there is less than a month until my summer is officially over, which begs the question: how did time fly by?! this is how:

1. three graduate courses that were all time-consuming but interesting, for the most part: stats, school law, and educational research. now i know that a kid can be strip-searched if he is suspected of "crotching" drugs. i also now know what "crotching drugs" means. hm!

2. trading two roommates for two of my good friends in houston: dtang and jasmine. let the fun times begin!! but for now, i have no router, no tv, no coffee table...sigh. thank goodness for the radio and my dear sweet modem.

3. spending pretty much every other day with mark, going to museums, trying out new recipes, and doing sunday chores. basically we live together 3-4 days out of the week. actually, just a few weeks ago, we talked about the possibility of living together. scary? a little bit. but what i wanted? kind of. be careful what you wish for!

4. random other things that have kept me busy: getting odds and ends taken care of, fundraising for the dc trip, working out, shopping, watching movies. summer is so sweet.

next week i leave for LA and then san jose...then i come back and bam--the new school year. CRAZY.

baby steps.

this is going to sound scary, but i'm getting this weird feeling like the biological clock is ticking and i want to settle down, buy a house, and have a baby. i suppose in that order.

people who know me well probably know that i am a sucker for babies. so much so that i've been known to squeal "pocket baby!" when i see an adorable child, in reference to how it's so cute i want to put it in my pocket and run away quickly. i think it's maybe just that time of the month on top of having too much time to think and process things, because when it comes down to it, having no one else to really take care of besides myself is pretty awesome. even simon, mark's cat, is a bit of a hassle sometimes, and he only meows a couple of times a night to try to squeeze into the bed.

still, tis the season for bachelorette parties and weddings, and it's getting me all jazzed up. for the first time in my life a couple of weeks ago, i caught myself thinking about what kind of engagement ring i'd like. this is very un-me. i didn't even know how much engagement rings cost (or are supposed to cost) until about 3 months ago.

part of me also blames mark, because he's such a homebody and i give into peer pressure, so so am i. we spent this saturday making dinner for dtang and allison and finished the night off with a board game and reading. we are huge nerds. it's become a regular evening routine to make dinner, do something around the house (today he changed my fridge's water filter,) go for a run or work out, and read for a little bit. and i know it sounds fairly dull, but i guess i don't mind it. i think it just adds to my "i'm-a-grown-up-now?" mentality.

all in all, it's been a really good summer so far. i can't believe july is fast-approaching. that means one more month and then it's time to start up with another year. sigh. i know, we teachers should be grateful that we get a summer to begin with, and i am, but still. those other nine months certainly make up for it.

what's my age again?

i'm not sure how many folks read this anymore, but i have a bit of a call for help for those who do or any random passerbys :) i'm trying to submit a piece for this writing contest, and i found that there are very few entries for the "music+arts" collection which means i have a better chance of winning in that category. i am really trying to find a way to help pay for my summer grad classes, and winning this contest would be amazing...so, any critique or feedback would be helpful. :) i'm guessing everything is a bit underdeveloped, but i'm not sure what part i should highlight the most.

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I’m afraid I have a secret—one that very few people know about unless they knew me back in high school before I allowed myself to get swept up in sports, extracurriculars, and college applications. These days, I spend my time teaching middle school students and doing my best to act “professional.” But it was not so long ago (and I have paraphernalia to prove it) I was the biggest Blink182 fan.

Make fun if you will (and I know you will) but I loved their music when I was in high school. It started with “Dammit” which, to me, spoke of unrequited love and the teenage angst that would often follow. When my brother gave me a guitar for Christmas, it was the first song I learned. I spent hours rocking out in my room, distortion turned up and amp blasting away. At the time, I didn’t know how strange it was for a little 14-year-old Asian girl to be doing this. But I loved it all the same—all of the years of feeling like I didn’t fit in or wasn’t quite pretty enough disappeared when I started that guitar riff.

At the age of 15, I went to my first concert. I had begged my mom to go, telling her that a few of my friends were going along and assuring her that I would be safe. I guess she could tell by my long hours spent with the guitar in my room that I was already a bit of a lost cause. The concert was a huge, ridiculous day of rock, in which there were several stages and what seemed like an infinite number of bands. It was in the middle of the day, my friends and I were wandering around when I started to hear high-pitched squealing.

We turned to see the commotion, and there he was—Mark Hoppus, singer and bass player of Blink182—in all his glory. I guess the band wasn’t as big then, because he was just passing out flyers and girls were running to him, hoping to steal a hug. I couldn’t help but join in, as embarrassed as I felt at the time. I waited, all 4’11” of me, in the crowd of beautiful, tanned girls. When some of the crowd had cleared, Mark turned to me and smiled. Stupidly, I barely squeaked out, “Can I have a hug?”

He scooped me up and gave me the hug that would spark two years of spending too much money on posters, records, and even gifts for a band that never returned any of my letters. As he let go, he told me (I think it was specifically me and not the other 20 girls standing around) to come by the autograph booth later on.

Of course, we had to go to the booth. I brought my newly-purchased baby-blue Blink182 shirt to the counter. Tom noted that he “liked my shirt” and pointed it out to Mark. I beamed at Mark as he said, “Hey, I remember you. I’m glad you came by,” as he signed my shirt with—I swear to it—a heart above his name. As I emerged from out of the tent, I looked around at all the other girls’ shirts: no hearts. Mine was special, and I was in love.

After that concert, I became a fanatic. I mean, walls and ceilings covered in Blink182 photos. Any magazine, music video, feature on talk shows—I had it all. I was even nerdy enough to create my own website to document my fandom. I went to every concert in my area for two years, not necessarily hoping for another run-in, but with an intense pride in my love for this band. Up until then, I had never really loved anything: now I was obsessed.

I could go into detail about the diners we went to after shows—strategically planned places that were rumored to be their favorite restaurants. Somewhere, I might have copies of the letters I wrote to them (I guess, even at the time I knew I’d reflect upon the experience and find it a bit unbelievable) and receipts of packages I sent them. I knew their favorite cereals and cartoon characters, and recall shipping off a package full of Lucky Charms as if they couldn’t buy it themselves.

I laugh about it now because I realize how ridiculous the whole thing became. I’m sure that other people go through something similar, but it still strikes me as funny that I was so in love with this band and Mark Hoppus. Now that I think about it, not only was he too old for me, but simultaneously too immature and, of course, vastly out of reach.

But today, it’s incredible how, once in a while, when I hear a 90’s cover band play “What’s My Age Again” I am brought back to that summer where it all began. I see myself as that teenager, looking for a place to belong and be accepted, and I can’t help but smile at the fact that I found it in a band.

another year winding down.

 i started out the second year of teaching feeling so confident, and with a few days of this school year left, i am actually starting to freak out about next year. i'm excited about a third year of teaching, but i do feel like i have so much more that i want to do. it's a good thing, though, because i feel a sense of urgency to work harder this summer.

anyway, it's been some year:

a ridiculous amount of partying (to balance out the ridiculous amount of work) during the fall semester.

i gained a huge appreciation for my family. somehow being further away from them and getting older has helped me realize how important they are to me.

the oscar mayer weinermobile. nuff said.

hanging out with the band when they came to play in houston :)

going to play in la during spring break...

and of course the cute reunion my mom put together for me in san jose...so fun to see and catch up with ya'll :)

wrapping up our 2-year commitment at the alumni induction...wow.

100% passing = pies in the face. i made the promise, and i got pied SIX TIMES.

this year has been really amazing, and some really life-changing things have happened. in particular, the loss of one of my shining star students, johana. it took me a long time to come to terms with the sudden death of a girl i had the pleasure of knowing for almost two years. she was incredibly smart, and the kind of girl whose laughter was infectious. i will always remember the way she stood up for every injustice we learned about, and the way she would always question what we learned. she made me see things in a different light, and especially since i've never really dealt with death before this year, johana has really changed parts of my own way of seeing life. 

i'm so incredibly grateful.