I am doing better la.

So don't worry about me :)

There are times...

There are times that you just want to give up in every way...

There are times when you felt so small, so so small...

There are times when you felt like situations are trying to choke you to death...

There are times when you felt like you are engaged in an never ending relay....

There are times when you felt so powerless and out of control...

There are times when your brain just blanked out....

There are times when you don't know where and how to start....

There are times when you are unsure about yourself, what you are capable of, and what's your worth...

There are times when you just have to let yourself dwell in this kind of self-empathy simply because its much easier than making yourself happy.

Appreciation.

 Last week was rough for me.

But I tell myself that its over and everything should start anew this week.

Thank you for all the heartfelt msges, emails and comments;

Thank you for being there for me without me asking.

I deeply deeply appreciate it :)

No matter how hard it becomes, I am always reminded that I am loved and accepted by those who matter.

---

I am tired. I am stressed. I am frustrated. I am lost. I am afraid. I am overflow with negative feelings. I don't want to hang on anymore I just want to take a good long rest. I want to be happy. I want to be content. I want to be energetic. I want to be able to smile everyday without forcing. I want to feel connected. I want to be appreciated. I want to be cherished. I want to feel confident about myself. I want to do more in life. I want to travel. I want to explore new things.

Right now, I just want to cry.

edit**

I thought I would rebound when I wake up this morning. But no, I still feel quite upset. I am so frustrated at myself, I feel that I should be able to take the hardship and shouldn't feel anything about my workload. I should be able to handle it. But lately, I feel so burned out. It has been 2 or 3 weeks of night shift and its taking a toll on me. I feel like I have no life anymore. I feel like my whole life is flipped upside down. I don't know why but I am scared to share my feelings with anyone at work. We are supposed to be a team, but sometimes I don't feel like so. I just hope that someone at work would genuinely care about how I feel and be interested to know how I am doing. May be I am just too naive, may be work is really not a place to make friends.

I am getting frustrated with people. I am scared of people. I am scared of people's intention. I don't want to keep guessing what's his/her ultimate motive. I know I am magnifying the negative things about work right now. I know I have lost my perspective. But I just need someway to let go of my negativity.

I want to call out for help. But I don't even know what kind of help I need. I can't quit my job, so is this my whole life?

Do you understand?

快樂的根源是知足。

今天我覺得自己特別幸福﹐

因為我做了很多自己喜歡做的﹐吃了喜歡吃的﹐

陪著我的﹐還有很疼我的朋友。

縱使生活並不完美﹐但這些不完美讓我更珍惜我擁有的一切。

懂得感恩﹐讓我每天都過得充實快樂。

我的信念﹐讓我每天都懷著拆禮物的心情去迎接將來。

I am happy because...

1. I bought a pair of heels which I think is sooo pretty. I promise Louise that I will be skip-walking in them.

2. I had a perfect eye-lash perm. (Hey, its not easy to find a good salon to do it!)

3. I felt so pampered during my pedicure + manicure session (great price too!)

4. I had hotpot with my best buddies.

5. I said and did so many random things in front of my friends.

6. I laughed so hard, and my friend laughed with (at) me.

7. I came home and realized I changed my bed sheets and cover yesterday.