how do you spend so much of your time hoping, wishing, and worrying for something to happen.. then when it does happen you think its too good to be true?  aaah fuck.  i dont know.

im scared.  thats what it comes down to.  i wake up, and im scared.  january 16th, 2008 was the most amazing day of my life.  and i wake up the next day and im scared.  how does that even happen?  ive never felt so happy in my life.  the feeling that something way bigger than me is in charge of my emotions, is in charge of everything.  its not upto me, its the universe.  its crazy.  im crazy.  seeee ya.

Wwwwhat..?  Shoot.  ..I don't even know.

It seemed like I had everything figured out, I could tell you all the things that were wrong.  Then now it's like, man am I the one being wrong?  Let's hope not!

Jobelle mother fucking Gacuya turns 20 today!  Yeayyyuhhh!  I'm a little worried about tonights situation, but I see it as either way one is bound to flake out.. you know them PQ boys..  haha siiike.  Fuck, take a joke.  Haha okay just kidding, ummm, yeah.  What the hell are you even supposed to say on these things anymore?  Dude I give up, I need to go pay my bills.  Haha

I've got too many emotions to pick one to focus on so the way that I write it is just going to be the way that I feel at that exact moment.  Ready... go.

My horoscope for the day:
Listen carefully to the most important people in your life, as they've got some great advice for you -- whether they know it or not! You should be able to piece together a good plan out of their comments.

Katies horoscope for the day:
You will not get laid today.

I'm freaking upset and frustrated about whatever the heck is going on but I know I SHOULD be the bigger person.  Someone has to be, but do I want to put forth the time or effort?  Is it even worth it anymore?  Shoot, I don't know, whatever, man.  I don't wanna think about it, but I do!  You know, just sitting here wasting time thinking and worrying.  God... fix it.. please...?  At least tell me how to, or make the other one do it because I just keep getting more and more upset about it and I'm not an angry personnnnn, make it go away.

The biggest bummer is when the people you expect to be there for you aren't there.  But that's just the way life works I guess.  You just get let down super bad, but there's always (or most times anyway) that  balance that just creates another scenario that makes thinks okay, possibly even better.  BOTTOM LINE: Everything is gonna be okay.

It's still hard to grasp the concept that I'm this college girl living in an apartment away from home, paying all these awesome bills doing everything on my own, when just a year and a half ago my favorite shirt had Ninja Turtles on it.  What??  What even happened?  Chameleon status, adapted to my surroundings, I guess.  Yeah I guess I am pretty different, but hey!  So are you!  :)

Christmas is coming, and I've yet to find the spirit.  Donde estas?  Probably when I get home, huh?  Can't wait to see everyooonne.  Alright I don't know, that's it.  Date for crepes!

Don't keep me waiting.

Xanga..?  what the hell?  you still exist?

Xanga, life is not nearly as easy as i thought it was.  Bills, increasing work load, 17 units, going greek, then of course there's always the dramaaa.  Right when you think you've escaped it, it comes along and bites you in the ass.  Fuck you drama, I don't want you in my life anymore, damn it.  Well, all of those things are extremely long stories that will probably have no effect on you, the reader's, life.  So, screw it.

This has been the weirdest fucking weekend of Katie and I's lives.  But you know, at least we have each other in this crazy, CRAZY world.  It would be way cooler if we could have Jim Sturgess serenading us all day... But... we won't push it.  :)

Being back in Long Beach satisfies my soul, but at the same time not so much.  It's so easy to forget my troubles and find a good time, but am I being blind?  Or have I been blind thus far and now I'm finally being exposed to the real life I should be living.

Dilemma.  When you have a decision you need to make, you turn to your friends, right?  See, but what if your friends have a biased opinion.  You should be making your own choices, your own opinion, without other people imposing their ideas on you.  However, you should also be open to other sides of the story and have ideas revealed to you that you may not have thought of.  So friendly opinion, good or bad?  No fucking clue, next.

So you hold most of it in because you don't want people to tell you what to do.  You want to do what you want to do, but you don't really know what you want to do, you only know which ending you want.  So how the fuck do you get there?  Which decision leads you to a happy ending?  No fucking clue, next.

I don't believe life has an easy way out, but I do believe it has a way of making things more difficult than they need to be.  We're all still learning how to avoid this situation, but I'm motivated to get to the bottom of it.  Sure I've developed this "I don't even give a fuck" attitude that is freaking amazing when it comes to worrying about things because I just.. don't worry at all.  But has it made me into this emotionless chick who just doesn't give a damn?  There is a possibility that my hard worked attitude change has back fired.  But oh well, that's life.  Living and learning, right?  Myeah, whatevs.

Haha, man I sound like such a bitter personnn.  Don't even get me wrong, I love life, I love people, I love everything.  Totally happy.  Every now and then I just get a little worry that crosses my mind, and now you've just read all about it!  Seeeee ya.