| oh wow!
it has been forever and a day since i'be updated this!!
weee i have been tangled up with the others, who are addicted to myspace and facebook! =[
well nothing has been going on..
well actually A LOT!
i'm having problems with my boyfriend and
i dont like myself right now!
GRRRRRRR!!!!!
HEHE
RANDOM!
yay
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| I'm Addicted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Happy Birthday to my CHRISTINE!!! i hope you have a fantastic day and get everything you wanted!!!
so winter break starts today! and seriously.. it doesnt feel like winter break! well for me it doesnt... part of me is really excited and then the other part is harhdcore dreading it! like yeah! no work! but then... DAMN IT I HAVE TO STAY HOME FOR TWO WEEKS STRAIGHT!!! EEEEK!!! but yeah! i did pretty well on all of my exams! so i'm excited... and yeah! but i dont want to be home.. even though i know i am going to be! i hate being home over here.. its like prison! i think i'm the only person, well that i know of, that isnt excited when their parents get home or w/e. i mean yeah sure i'm glad they made it home. but i'm probably the only person that once i hear that garage door open, a sense of fear and sadness comes and stays with me. Like, i'm afraid when my mom comes home I mean who is like that? I seriously have major problems. but i dont think its my fault.. i mean maybe if my mom wasnt so harsh on me and talking to me in a really rude tone and the first words she says to me is something rude or mean or giving me a dirty look... but yeah... and lately i've just had way too much of this. this is the first time that i've acted out. usually i just ignore it and just do w/e. but now i dont even want to look at them or talk to them or even think about them. Thinking of your parents should bring you warmth and happiness and a sense of calm emotions. but for me i get angry and scared and depresed. Like they complain about me not talking... but when i do talk they never pay attention to m or listen to me. They'll just pretend to listen but they only hear...and they basicaly think thats good enough. so that makes me mad! i wish i had a normal family! or maybe i was still living with my grandparents in cali.. oh man that would be the life. so basically i'm alone over here.. and i cant take it anymore!!! i really do wish i graduated early so i can be out of this place! but i believe i have a few hundred more days of school left... but then.. i dont think i can make it to what i want to be.. like i had this scholarship thing.. two actually and i told my mom right away bc i needed some money for it.. and she basically blew it off till last minute. so now the deadlines are past and i didnt get the money so basically i missed out on a really good chance to get some really good experience with the field in plan on going in, college credits and scholarships. now i am seriously doubting my future... and of course i need to prove myself since i'm constantly being compared to all of my smart friends.. and if i dont make it.. i will basically be disowned... so seriously i pray to God, that if he doesnt see my future being a good one, he should just take my life away.. and i have a feeling i'm going to die early.. but thats just me...
so... i'm not feeling to good on the outside.. but i'm all smiles.. 24/7 on the outside!!!!!!!
eek its almost christmas... this year was lame... but wait... no... some of it was lame the other parts were pretty good! but christmas... this year is a bore...
and i love how this was to say happy birthday to christine but turned out to be some sorry ol' thing about how i feel! lmbo! what a lame-o!!!!
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| In Conclusion, i'm never going to get anywhere in life... just kill me now!
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| i am so tired!! eek
just took my SAT test this morning.. can you say... DROP OUT?
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