There is a lot on my mind, though it's probably nothing at all if I think about it all long enough.

Just random memories of my past, some are getting really hard to remember, while some are as clear as when it was happening to me. It's not really depressing to think about it, simply a sign of my age. I go by the phrase "Your only as old as you feel" thus making me an old timer of around sixty years. Always wanted to say that....

I think someone called it having a "selective memory."  To be able to remember certain events clearly but forget nearly everything else.  Forgetting things happens quite prompty I have noticed.

I could cut ties with them again, would be simple enough, would take about a day at most, I would never see them again. There is no reason for me to do it, there was not a reason for me to do it back then either per say, at least not a better one than I have now. I do not think I will do it this time, but then again there is not much stopping me from it.

It's almost like I have a life now. After all im about to send off my fafsa, start college in a week and have a plan for my education. All in all, it has set me back about a year and a half. What have I been doing all this time? The most truthful answer I could give is "nothing at all."  There is no wondering what your going to do for a living after your funeral of course.

Have you ever seen something, you knew wasnt real but you saw it clearly, vividly anyway?
Has it ever come across your mind you could see something that wasnt real?
Have you ever seen something you only heard?
Have you ever seen something you thought about?

Have you ever pictured someone, that didnt exist, to talk to them?
Have you ever died on the floor, in darkest red this night?
Have you ever seen someone die in front of you?
Have you remembered what it is like to feel the past?

Have you ever remembered a memory that never existed?
Have you ever lied to yourself, and believed it, every day from here to forever?
Have you ever lived just to not die?
Have you ever seen someone die by your hand?

Have you ever talked to yourself about the same thing a hundredfold?
Have you ever thought of someone that murders?
Have you ever seen someone that could murder before your eyes?
Have you ever died by a hand that didnt exist?

Have you seen what life is for everyone else?
Have you ever seen the people you see every day as humans? as yourslef?
Have you ever known something you could only think about?
Have you ever pretended to not care about the pain of this world?

Have you ever felt the pain in everyone's eyes?
Have you ever forgotten everything you could?
Have you ever seen someone die that affected you emotionaly,
even though you only heard about it?
Have you ever made a deal with Him to die?

Rhetorical, please dont answer these to anyone but yourslef if even that.

Finaly done moving, nothing interesting to note really.  Same old me as always.  humm  Ive been messing with the hardware components of comps recently. 
Im short one operating system, hard drive and periphials from having two comps.  Integrated graphics after comming from 256 agp ddr3 6800 gpu are really depressing.  Video card still on its way.  Judging from the amount of time for the mother board, its going to be two weeks minimum before it gets here. Oh so depressing. 
At any rate we still do not have internet access and will not for a long time.  Using a comp at CSU atm.  We plan on cable but thats far off : (

Putting off full time college untill the spring, till then im working somewhere.  If you think about it, in terms of normailty and non creepyness, I have untill age twenty-three to listen to whatever music I want and anime should stop sometime before that.  Beyond that it would be wierd in the non okayish way as far as I can tell.

Also remembered, I figured out what it is called.  "Human non-24 hour Sleep-Wake Syndrome"  Thats the offical name for it.  It means that instead of waking up and going to sleep like a regular person my circadian clock [body clock] is working on a 25-26 hour day instead.  So every day I go to sleep rougly two hours later and later each day.  For me its rougly at one hour fourty so thats roughly twelve hours a week so thats one week im awake during the night and the next durring the day.  Personaly this is dependant on how much I exert myself that day, what I eat (two meals being norm and one bringing me back to 24 hour a day) and an additional two hours at every pole in my sleeping cycle.  One pole would be instead of sleeping at 12 since I slept at 10 the previous day I would sleep at 2 so it would change a total of four hours for that day.  I can go into cures but thats even more boring.  I do not see how im going to be able to keep a job other than buying large amounts of coke or dr. pepper constantly. 
At least my brian decomposition has been partialy reversed.  "Use it or lose it" is the saying im sure.

As for what to do, command and conquer gets boring after one hundred and ten strait wins and being able to do a 3v1.  thats not me showing off just being bored, us air dominates us super wepon naturaly, I should be able to do a 5v1 if I micromanage, Secrets and Lies!  <--felt like saying that,  okay! im getting less rational now a sign to stop.

In one year nothing has changed.  It still hurts exactly as much with the same constraints as before. 
That is nothing has changed but one thing: I have digressed, mentally and physically.  My brain has started to rot.

I can not comprehend new ideas easily.
I forget the simplest things regularly.
I can not tolerate the stupidest things.
My vision has become worse than ever.
My personalty has become irritable at best,
And a horrible person with no sympathy,
Or caring for anyone at all- at worst.
I have lost about 20% of my total vocabulary.
I have lost the ability to connect ideas together.
My spelling is worse than ever before.
I can not think on a metaphoric level anymore.
I have lost my will to eat nearly everything. 
I have no desire to see the outside world.
I have lost my shred of humility that lead,
To my original promise, that I must never break.

I think if I have done this in one year, in another I will no longer be intelligent enough to drive a car.
Seems promising.