i was reading some of the one's of when i was goin out with the slut and i see all the signs that i should've caught onto back then. i really wish i wouldn't have turned a blind eye to her. thats a big regret. but for those of you who don't know i have a new g/f. we've been best friends for over a year and now we're dating. at first i wasn't sure how it'd be but i love it. she's so good for/2 me. i cant believe i didn't see it earlier, she's liked me for as long as she's known me. i discovered a lot of people liked me when i worked at the apple, like even more than i thought. and also that some thought did never really did. that sucked but life happens. i'm tired of writing now so i'll update more later.

alright i have to apologize about the last entry, i was still really mad about it all obviously. but it's all over now. i've always been really cautious and carefull not to let myself get attached, just cause i konw it'll hurt more. i've always known that ne relationships with people my age or sumone a lil younger will not last, so y'd i let my self be convinced that this time could. i will admit that i NEVER thought it would end this early, it's for the best though, and i did find one good thing in it all 2day, i now know wat i need, the hard part is it's not wat i want and hasnt been wat i'm attracted to, but i think that'll come with time. i have a lot of regrets about this relationship, dont get me wrong i dont regret the relationship itself, just things that i let happen that i never should have and i knew it then i was just so hopefull that it wouldn't end, cause if it didn't end then it wouldn't hurt. it's for the best i guess, and i can't truthfully say that i wasnt warned. i guess it's relly over, it kills me. it hasnt really sunk in yet either, i still have hope that she'll change and come back, i know it wont happen but i cant talk my heart into completely letting go, i have to apologize to everyone who's been through this that i doubted. there's more goin on in my life than most of my friends even know about, i think only one does as of now and once another one gets on here she'll know it all too. i miss the old days when i didn't have ne worries. i wish i could just go home, i dont want to be in this world of hurt and pain nemore, i'm not goin emo on u or gonna threaten to commit suicide, i'm just ready to go home. but i know that i haven't fulfilled my purpose yet so..... and i would like to get married b4 i die, that would be a + for me. i think about it and i get exited about being able to love sumone and have them love me back, i'm not saying that she was a bad person cause she didn't, she couldn't help it, i dont blame her, i'm just sayin it will be nice. i wont have to worry about smothering them with actions or just the simple fact that i want to be with them all the time. i know this is gonna take a long time to get over and that sucks but it's not the end of the world, i will find love again, and i will be happy again, sumday. until then i have great friends to get me through this in as little amount of pieces as possible. and for them i am eternally gratefull. luv ya guys, i'll miss u. bye