| hello alyn. just thought i would write you something since now i know you check this all the time [lameass] last night was funny. we talked for a while about how weird i am. and about how youre uglier than treys penis. haha! it was good to talk to you though. i know we've been talkin a lot but it was good to have one of our regular conversation instead of one of us being sad and needing the other to cheer us up lol. well. last night i woke up at 5 am cuz my back was having sharp pains all the way around to my ribs. and everytime i would have the pains i would get sick to my stomach. needless to say it was not a very good nights sleep. u jinxed me!! you kept askin if i felt well since i havent been eating a lot. everything woulda been fine if you wouldnt have asked haha. my back still hurts though so im done playin on here, too bad you cant leave me comments. douche. <3 u |
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| well youre the only person i know who reads this which is funny [esp cuz u dont even have a xanga] but you told me you wanted me to write something happy.. i really dont know what to write thats happy cuz, i mean, im alright. im content. but im not happy. i miss you though.. more than you think. i just hope im not gettin my hopes too high about seeing you this summer.. i dont wanna get let down. but i hope youre doin well. i hope everytime you paint naked you think of me lol jk. love.you.sir. :] |
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| i was wrong. plain & simple. i thought we would be together in the end. i thought you would always love and support me no matter what. i thought you at least would always be there to listen to my problems when im down and pick me back up like you always have done. but no. not anymore. because shes your world. she totally consumes you. i guess im just bitter but go DAMNIT. why cant you see how much i need you?? have i not made it clear enough every time you start drawin away? you cant possibly not see that. you must not care. i cant believe things have come to this with us. not me & you. were ALWAYS a pair. even in 9th & 10th grade everyone thought we went out. even your fuckin brother thinks were gonna get married! but youve moved on from me. youve found better. someone who is willing to make sacrifices for you. someone who loves you so much. someone BETTER than me. i remmeber the days when u couldnt stand to see me upset. i think knowing i was hurt, made you more upset than ii was to begin with. i miss that. i miss howmuch you cared. i miss the simple text messages that would brighten my day. i miss our 2 hour phone calls about anything & everything but at the same time nothing at all. i miss the feeling i got when i would see you were calling me. i miss the excitement that used to run thru my entire body when i knew i got to hang out with you in ga. i miss sleeping in your arms. i miss you holdin me makin me feel safe. i miss the way you USED to love me. im so fucking stupid. youre really the most amazing guy that has ever been put into my life and out of my stupid assumptions that everything would be fine, i didnt accept to be with you when i had the chance. what the fuck is wrong with me?? i decided a long time ago i would never regret anything in my life. but i regret that. i regret not takin that chance to explore that amazing opportunity that was handed to me. how fuckin naive can one person be? to think that somethin would really last forever... not in my life. in my life there is no certainty. nothing is guaranteed. especially nothing that is important to me. i cant even keep my betst friends... i hate this. i hate this feeling. i hate the decisions i make. i hate myself for doing this. there is no one to blame but myself. even after all this, after how low i feel about myself, i still want nothing more than to call you & hear your voice even though i know if i did that you would be annoyed. you would hang up to go talk to rylie. you would tell me i need to move on and quit living in the past. i dont know how to not live in the past when the memories of the past are the only things that make me feel happy. i have no security in my life anymore so i have to vicariously obtain that security by remmebering the times i had it. theres nothing more to say. its all been let out. the only thing left to say is that you, Alyn Michael Gray, will forever hold my heart. & never will i forget the laughs, kisses, stories, beds and love we shared. Forever & Always |
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| whooa! im back :] xanga.. how i missed thee... well im pretty sure no one reads this. & if they do, they sure dont leave comments. but i think i may start writin in here a lil bit more. just to get a few things out... I WANT HIM TO COME BACK TO GA NOWW. i havent been that happy and that carefree in the longest time.. he brought out the old Carly that i want to be again i feel kinda like hes my bestfriend now. I know no one can EVER replace Emily but without her theres an emptiness.. & he makes that emptiness feel less like a bottomless pit. my other bestfriend... i dont know. things arent the same. but at the same time they are & always will be. it seems like we have gotten so predictable though.. & that takes a lot of fun out of how crazy we used to be. i want my old life back. but its 07 baby, time for me to make this year exactly what i want it to be. & thats exactly what im gonna. do. -CARLYRAYYE- |
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| www.myspace.com/gimmemygo0ober
go there =) it way better than xanga,
umm.... since last post, things are worse with granddaddy.. which means everythings worse for me.
july 24-28
-rookie camp: 8:30-12
-guard camp: 1-6
july 26-28
-work 6-12
all while tryin to help julie & heath with the boys sothey can move, help out around granddaddys, & sumhow have time to actually go see granddaddy...
i love life................. |
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