| ME...well i stood up for myself tonight. and as usual the person i was talking toexplained how i was wrong and why i should agree with why they did what they did. my normal tendancy would be to pull back inside and not open up to anyone for quite awhile. BUT. i sense i am valid in my concerns & i stood up and confronted the issue rather than allowing it to fester in my heart. so i know i get points for that.
i did take words into my own hands and said something that wasn't appropriate for this time and of course they turned against me because i wasn't allowing the Lord to orchestrate the conversation. but the difference here is that now i know what i said was wrong and i want to set everything aright by apologizing.
now i also must say that i was sooo troubled with the outcome of the talk that i went outside and bawled my eyes out (literally) for about 20 minutes. when i came in to wash my face i found that i'd popped blood vessels under my eyes from crying so hard.
anyways. just needed to unload my heart. 'night. |
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| what if you were the only one home. the rest of your family was out for the day. you're minding your business. and the phone rings. no its not some scary feakazoid, or a friend or even a relative. its the local police station asking you to please drive to such and such a location. why? you're family, out for a sunday drive; have basically been mowed over by a semi. one of them is in icu prep for sugery. the rest didn't make it.
you drive to the hospital they have so and so at. make it in time to see ' ' wheeled into surgery. waiting in the family room for what seems like hours the doctor comes in, his face a tell tale sign. they lost ' ', i'm sorry. he begins to list what went wrong and how they tried everything. undoubtedly your head is spinning by this time.
you sit down, thank the doctor, sign papers, etc. he tells you they are being kept in a holding room until transported to a facility. would you like to see them? they've been cleaned up, just a lot of abrasions. no you don't want to see what they look like. you'll have a bad enough time with your dreams as it is.you decide to drive home. looking though tunnel vision, your world has suddenly gone to the deepest shade of desprate despair; how will you go on? must you go on?
who do you call? who would care? what about rent, has it been payed this month? what about storage, has it been payed? what do i do with all the stuff? do i call work for time off? do i have the death certificates? how do i tell everybody? will they believe me? and what abou coffins, and a cemetary? what kind of memorial service?
WHO DO I CALL?
many , many dreams. and premonitions(during the day), expecting a call, afraid of a call. welcome to a part of what goes on in my head.
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| so i think i've officially scared my viewers. so maybe this should be my online journal of questions and answers i've come up with.
yes, that's what i'll do. bye! |
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| ok. i've got ONE question.
why the bloody heck do you read the post and then not comment?
get back to me. |
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i just love being loved. its the bestest thing in whole world. it makes you happy when you're sad. makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside whe you're getting the brunt of the cold outside. aaaaannnnddd i cantreallythinkof anything else.
i love you all and to all a good night! ! ! !
 
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