"desperate to have everything she wants, even when she`s not sure of that it is"

i was reading an old document..my saints report that i did last year for confirmation and i read this little section...."I really want Saint Maria Goretti to be my Confirmation Saint becuse I look to her for strength as well. She was able to forgive her perpetrator within hours after the incident. I, on the other hand, haven't been able to forgive that man, even after a year and a half. I want to be able to find it in my heart to forgive him completely and follow in the footsteps of Maria. Until I can do that, I will continue to pray for strength and endurance, and keep that man in my prayers so that he will be forgiven in the long run." i havent thought about forgiving that coldhearted man in such a long time . as of this moment i still dont think he deserves my forgiveness . he fucked up a lot of things i had going for me and the event plays over and over in my head. its weird how something that was 3 minutes long can change who you are & your perspective on things for the rest of your life . there isnt a day that passes that i dont think about it and he scarred me for life . i know that sounds selfish of me not to forgive him, but its the truth. i wrote that passage in april of last year and i still feel the same today . i remember the actual date..november 15, 2002 . i think i`ll pray for him, whoever he is . the power of prayer is so strong, god was able to give me all the strength i needed & hopefully he wont ever do that to any other person . if youve read this far can you please pray for me? its much appriciated . peace out

aaaalll right . these past two weeks have been interesting and completely color coordinated . let me tell you on the establishment of the one and only, vagina club

so before this who frenzy began, i would call joyce, hazel, menchie, yvonne, and myself the vagina club . it was just outta pure boredom and something edgy to call our little gatherings.  then, one hot winter day haha, nikee, que, yvonne, and i all wore green . we gotta kick out of it and planned to all wear red the next day .

day two: the word spread and gina, menchie, joyce, que, hazel, yvonne, and nikee were rockin the red . we took a picture this time and people started to notice we matched . we huddled and planned the next secret color

day three: so blue was the magic color . we were mobbin deep!! nikee, que, gina, kristine, joan, hazel, yvonne, and tina took the front row while the "honorary girls" filled in around us . it was silly, but that day, we officially became the ladies of the vagina club .

day four: we just planned for shades of brown [which we dont have a picture for] but the penis`s tried to show us up . i must give them props however, cuz they were looking good!! rhea and shari were a part of them!! hooooww ruuude . they rocked the "wilson" look hahah psh! anyone could have done that . that day at lunch, vcgirls scrounged !! it was so freakin funny . at first some girls were talkin bout "its for vc" while others said it was "for a dodgeball tournament" while tina and i said it was for "an entrace fee for a dance comp" hahahaha LOVED IT!! we raised an unheard of $50.65 and called it a week .

day five: pink & black . loved it . some "uninvited" guests showed up but its all good.rhea and shari crossed over . everyone wants to be down with us! you love it . we took pictures, and had more girl bonding . too cute. also that day, i bought shirts and paints out of the account. didnt do much with it, they sat in frankies car .

day six: polos we popped our collars, took pictures, and made fun of the boys . nothing big..just more vagina bonding . ew how raunchy does that sound? haha oh well

day seven: gray hoodies hahah it was silly...i dont think we took pictures that day? hmm i forget . whatever we all looked cute . that nite rhea and joan came over . we discussed the shirt ideas and split it up . i made 7 shirts and rhea made 6. it was last minute and sorda rushed but i think they came out alright . frankie came over and helped me while we watched american idol and simple life .

day eight: i had the worst morning ever, no need to go into detail about bad things, but yeah lets just say i walked from the park down mlk only to find the gate locked . so i walked aaaalllll the way down pch to and doowwwnnn atlantic to the main entrance by myself . i was a  little frightened to say the least . i meet the ladies and give out the shirts . i heard a total of four thank yous and theres 13 of us . how shady is that? hmm you know who you are . but im gonna pretend the excitment overcame the appriciation for the work that rhea, her sister, frankie, and i did . who went to buy the shirts? who made em?---over it . so anyways we walked to the spot with our matching shirts . it was like we were some kind of parade . hahah everyone was asking what vc stood for n what not . it was cute . but man oh man . once lunch rolled around, the boys came thru . with their tyedye!!! hahah i was lovin those hidious shirts . today concluded our lovely competitions of whos outfits were better . lov-ing it!

i`ll post pictures later .

sarah t. was at schol today!!! i miiiissssseeeddd heeerrrr!!! whatta lovely surprise!!!

im glad to say that these color coordinated days have brought the ladies closer together and brought more laughs to our lunch times

wowzers this is a ridiculously long blog about nothing in particular ahah ok bye

its 12:20 and i should be sleeping but the rockstar is getting to me and i have nothing else to do

i woke up . headed to gardena to take the sat . i thought i wasnt gonna see anyone i knew but dusty  was there and we talked while we waited . took the test . did alright . wont get into that much detail about that . dad got mad cuz i told him to pick me up at 12 but i didnt get done til 1 . ooh well what can you do right? i came home . ate . slept . talked to hazel . frankie picked me up . went to michaels to get the goods . went back to frankies house and made the shirt . we thought it was all tight but then i put the "k" and the "e" backwards..so we did it all over again . we left to fendi's . a butt load of people where there . sat with rhea sherwin ariel and casey . watched the groups . menchie was absolutely hott !! it was good times . im tired of hip hop..i wanna listen to that kind of music...but im not tired of my jam yet . raps mvp [or as frank and the rest of the world call it, love it or hate it] i could listen to that forever . like peaches n cream and hey mama . oook back to the day . frank alex n matt picked me up from fendi's and we headed on our adventure . first we made a pit stop at jack in the crack cuz alex sharted and he had to go #2 . then we went to michaels [yes my second time there] and the guys were sooooo cute . thinking of what the could they could make for the girlfriends . it was fun times yet again . but michaels was closing.."it is 8:58 and the store will be closing in two minutes" [alex runs to the register!! ahah fuuuuny] then we went across the street to target . the guys got matching shirts . alex super embarrassed me with the whole condom thing . gooosh "gina are these the kind you like? or should i get pleasure for her?" haha those losers . then we went upstairs to the tent section..and they had these small models of what the tents looked like..but then matt goes "is that for your dog?!" hahahahhahahhahah!!!! oh man i was dyen..they really did think that it was for dogs..and they thought the model sleeping bags were for your arm ahahahhahaha "is this a center for ants who cant read good?" -gotta watch zoolander . hubby bought me simple life season two . ooh i love it!!! its so funny . now i have to call up raina to plan our simple life marathon day . umm we closed target too...we had 5 minutes to make the purchases . ummm alex dropped me off . now im net banging cuz i cant sleep and this is a mighty looong blog . goodnite . im off to watch the simple life dvd . peace out

yesterday i was on my way to school . frankie turned down a street . something caught my eye . i screamed "baacck uppp!!!" i rolled down my window . and found this

interesting huh? now boys and girls, if you look closely you can see what appears to be a young opposum within the mama opposums abdominal region . heres my thinking: opposums are like kangaroos; they carry their offspring in a "pouch" . i think this mama opposum was trying to cross the street cuz she was in search of food for her child . and some senseless bum ran it over and kept going . i feel bad for the little creature . although its unappealing to the eye, its a creature of god and it was just trying to survive [i think this opposum was a gangster tho cuz we found it on 20th and lewis . yikes..its all up in the cut] so lets all say a prayer for the opposum family that passed away on thursday, march 10, 2005

[edit !!!]

ok so i just looked up the opossum and here are some quick facts from this website... www.opossum.org .

im super tired . woke up early today . school was alright . frank brought me home . had a sudden urge to go running . went running with frankie . stopped by fish fry . kept running . continued to run til i got home . showered . got ready to eat at fish fry with my brother n sister . frank got his ipod . he was oh so happy . he didnt wanna hang out with me...instead he went to alexs house to download music . im online like a bum debating whether or not to study for the SAT which im taking tomorrow morning . tomorrow night is the concert at fendis . im excited . im tired and my sentences arent even complete . ooh well . good night . say prayers . and remember .... thank god for all the blessings you have . peace out