I want to know God more. I want to cry at His feet. I want to do tihngs for Him. I want to Know Him more.

Pray that I may have the time to study my bible more than I do.

So Ethan has been doing really good when we take his oxygen off. Its the first time that he's able to see the whole house instead of just his room. he likes to look around and go oooooo. :) I can't wait to get more pictures of him so that i can share them with you all.

Be kind to all.

Life is special and a privlege.(sp)

its 5:00am and I am up sitting here in the rocking chair hoping ethan's moans and grunts don't mean that hes waking up... then i get worried about his oxygen and have to get up every minute just to make sure its in his nose.

Its hard having a baby, alot harder than what i though, granted my sitation is different of that of a normal mother and child but still, i know either way it would be hard. I don't think anyone really knows just what they are getting into when they have a baby )lol(

Me and my mom was talking about that the other day. Just how hard it is, and how your life completely stops and instead of  you its the baby.. all the time. ALL THE TIME.

Would i take anything back,,, no i wouldn't. Because ethan was meant for me and i for him. I picture it like this....Up in heaven, theres ethan and God says okay boy, thats gonna be your mommy.. go on down and live in her tummy, but not for 40 weeks just for 30 weeks, and yeah you'll go through some stuff but always rememeber i will be there for you i will hold you when the pain gets to tough and you feel like giving up... and you know HE was there for ethan.

I don't think you would believe the stuff my baby had to go through. Sometimes i got mad and asked God why he would do this to my baby... but i always came to my senses,,, but oh was my faith tested down in roanoake when ethan was in the hospital. I just hated seeing my child go through all that, but not just my child but all of these women and families that were going through the exact same thing, some even worse. But if you have Jesus in your life... Its ten times easier, no, 100 times easier.  yeah... I've been blessed with an angel, but not only that, an experience... so that i may God willing help others...

Yeah in two words..God Rocks!!!!

Currently Listening Back to Bedlam By James Blunt see related

So i finally get a moment by myself, i dont know how long this will last, ethans sure to wake up any minuted :) But just knowing he CAN wake up is wonderful and i don't mind it all.

You know from the moment i was pregnant with ethan, even though i had sex before marriage and all, i knew that he was a gift from God and I knew that He was going to be mighty man of God. And for him to survive i know its true, God has given me strength i never knew i had.

I remember when they told me that so\mething was wrong, i was getting monitered and ethans heart rate would stop and start on and off... and i didn't cry... Then they said they were going to have to take him and transport him to a hospital far away, i didn't cry then, then they gave me a steriod shot, and it hit me... O no they are going to take my baby, he isn't ready.  and i cried and then i stopped and the next time i cried was when they were taking ethan out and i heard a faint cry and i just cried... i didn't expect to hear a cry from such a young small baby with bad lungs.

I was scared yea. But God gave me strength. I also met this couple who had twins at 24 wks there babys were 1lb and 1lb 14 oz  There 1lb baby died. And i remember seeing them come in and out every day to see there other baby and they would tell me and my dad that if it weren't for God they wouldn't be able to do it. They didn't even get to see there other child that died... It wasn't fully developed yet and had so much wrong with it. I think about them all the time and how awesome God really is to hold his children up in such a time of need.

He is awesome. Always

Currently Listening Goodbye My Lover, Pt. 1 By James Blunt see related

so it has been a long and very amazing journey for the past four months.

My son was born on November 17, 2005 at 3:21pm by ceseran. He was born 10wks early and weighed in at 1lb 15oz  he was 13 1/2 inches long and was transported to a hospital 3 hours away from me. i didn't get to really see my baby for two days. When i did see him, it took my breath away. He was so tiny and so swollen from fluid that i had in me. I couldn't see his face for 4 days because he work a cpap, a machine that helps him breath. he was very sick and wouldn't eat, his  stomach wouldn't process the food.

I spent 11 weeks at the hospital with my baby, he has had many many ups and downs along the way but we are now home. He is still on oxygen and will be for about a month or so. He is now 9lbs and fiesty as can be.

They never found out why he wasn't surviving in my womb. They said he just couldn't survive in me any longer and that they had to take him right away.

He is my angel my beautiful miracle from God.

these pictures are from the first few weeks of his life.

And here he is now at home with momma :)