may the merry bells keep ringing 'crappy holidays to you'.

thank gawd that's over.  thanxgiving sucked, as you might have guessed from the above negativity.  allow me to explain.  i am accustomed to a small gathering of four to five people 'round our thanxgiving table, everybody over the age of ten, enjoying a tasty meal before either tackling a mountain of dishes (mom, me, and occasionally gramma) or lounging about (guess who).  the meal aside, other activities on thanxgiving include watching the macy's parade, reading the paper, and lolling in the living room watching a thanxgiving night movie.  simple.  peaceful.

this past holiday was anything but simple and peaceful.  it was hectic, chaotic, stressful and emotionally draining.  i cannot recall a holiday characterized by more crying jags and crumbling mental states, including my freshman year in college.  this [effusive] drama was a result of m's family being the antithesis of my…entire being, really.  where i believe in begin open and honest, they insist on being [false] and phony.  i feel that having a large family causes strain on all those involved--including parents, siblings, extended family, the environment--they keep pumping out children almost yearly (two families have four and one has three).  where i believe in respecting another's emotions, they absolutely adore jabbing [exploratory] barbs into other's worries and hurts with smiles on their faces.  while i hold that we have little to nothing in common and thus nothing to gain from forcing ourselves on one another, they insist on m and i spending time in the same room with them, saying nothing, doing nothing, contributing nothing. 

as much as i wanted to spirit away to my attic sanctuary and escape the pack of ill-behaved children, the chorus of forced laughter and [sea] of strained smiles, the pretentious "discourse" and pointed questions intended to nettle my already sensitive nerves--bet you miss your family, huh?  **smile, smile, smile**--they kicked up a fuss not unlike one of the tantrums their offspring are so prone to working themselves into.  honestly, why did a group of 40ish adults insist on forcing their company on a pair of 20-somethings who live in a different world altogether?  we rarely had anything to say to the group at large, preferring to make hushed comments to one another about normal things we understand, like comics and good books, the latest tv shows and internet news.  such a pointless waste of everybody's time and emotion.  even the meal itself was trying, with too many people crowded around the table, too many small children babbling and running around throughout dinner, too many abrupt instances of putting me on the spot--a specialty of m's parents, like asking m to "say some words to take us out on" after his graduation dinner.  why can't they let the normal progression of conversation carry folks through rather than trying to throw out prompts to "promote discussion"? 

everything about this family is so unnatural; their manner is stiff, their language is pompous, their understanding of normal family relationships is stuffy rather than [loose] like my own.  the oil-and-water theory applies, and their efforts to forcefully mix us have worn me out.  i've been completely exhausted for the past few days, as if all the pent-up stress finally caught up to me.  i can only hope nobody feels like making the trip again in a month for xmas.  *shudder*  i can't say if my mind could take it.

but now it's over.  everyone had left by yesterday afternoon, meaning that it was nice and quiet when i rolled in after work.  no need to sit in my car through just one more song, psyching myself up to cross the threshold.  it was very nice indeed to just breeze in, go upstairs, and relax for the majority of the evening, finishing up my latest book (the leap by johnathan stroud).  no worry about how much trouble i'd be in for not shaking the hand of every person occupying the downstairs, no loud shouts, squeals, and fits from unseen children, no paranoia, no gentle prods toward peacefully caving in from m, etc.  it was almost as if m's awkward house was home…

something tells me n's thanxgiving entry will be similar to my own (in terms of ranting) once she returns.  hope you're holding up alright, n!  keep your stick on the ice!

noting much else is new lately.  i've just been hiding out and awaiting the return of my sanity.  i did manage to knit my first cable project, a little "evening clutch" in cream colored wool.  no idea if i'll ever use it, but i couldn't resist the cuteness of its design.  i desperately need to block it, get some handles, and make a cute satin lining, but otherwise it's ready to go.  m took a pic of it the other day, so i could post it now…  here:

and since the original pic i posted of my first bag wasn't actually the one i made (easier to swipe a similar pic of google image than take one, upload it, edit it, and put it on the blog), here's my finished product:

not the best, not quite how i hoped (the picture in the book made it seem a bit more awesome), but once it's lined i'll use it with pride.  until i hear some snide remark from a faceless jerk, then i might start to doubt…  next in line is a hat for m, which i should be starting this weekend.  perhaps after that my mom will have made a decision about what type of hat she'd like and i can get started on it.  busy, busy.  but what else can i work on (aside from that cute cabled hat for me)?  i guess i'll just have to wait for some inspiration.  or more knitting books and magazines.

and so has ended the long-running blog series, countdown to halloween.  granted, the so-called "series" lost momentum somewhere around fifteen days to go--sporadically updated at best--but it was a fun undertaking.  not as many elements of halloween touch my life now as when i was younger, but i still feel myself getting caught up in the spirit every year.  for instance, as i drove home on halloween night i smiled broadly every time a group of trick-or-treaters and parents came into view and i gawked at the elaborate decorations and illuminations that were pressed up to the side of the street from many of the houses (strobe lights are terribly distracting to drivers!).  it seemed like the people out and about were having a great time, and i felt a bit sad i wasn't able to partake. 

personally, i spent all hallow's eve at home, enjoying the holiday-themed dinner m cooked, complete with spare ribs, green booze, and pumpkin pie--all of it very delicious.  we carved our jack-o-lanterns (which i posted), and kicked back with the second episode of shuga chara doki (which is only scary in that the characters exist in a realm of ungodly cuteness).  we intended to watch ghostbusters, but the constraints of my schedule--having to be at work at 8:30 the following morning--forced us to turn in earlier than we wanted. 

sadly, now the festivities are over and the bleak month of november stretches out in front of me (however, today is already the fourth, it might not take long to pass…which is scary).  thanxgiving doesn't have a "season" in my mind, and i couldn't care less about football and gearing up to xmas shop.  the month has little for me to be excited about; i don't even have the opportunity to go home for the holidays, since i only get one day off for thanxgiving and i was hired far too late in the game to request off the day before or after.  even worse, i may have to endure m's unsavory relatives around the end of the month.  what will make thanxgiving more chaotic than the arrival of six additional guests, four of which are children aged 2-8?  ugh.

but enough with the looking forward.  since i didn't post a "real" entry throughout the past month, i might as well give something of a recap.  a lot happened, looking back.  honestly, it seems like we managed to do more in one month than we did throughout the course of the summer, but i could be exaggerating.  maybe it was the cooler weather or the festive atmosphere, but we had plenty of outings i didn't anticipate until they were upon us, such as going on a leaf walk, taking the wine and cheese train, going apple picking, taking the fall foliage train, heading to the fancy mall, trips out to borders/michael's and the library almost weekly, trips to parks and the river, purchases of all things halloween at wal*mart and elsewhere…  and what did we do this summer?  went to the pool and went to play putt-putt.  lame…  not even one trip to the ocean.  zomg.

…so…what does a person gear up to do in the month of november?  election time is more or less ended, it's too early to start thinking seriously of xmas, thanxgiving is dull, and the usual things i care about (manga, shows, etc) don't involve much involvement in the physical world.  i'm growing a bit weary of being so out of touch with the larger reality of the world these days.  and as the average temperature drops, the options for entertainment grow less and less.  no promising movies are been advertised, it's generally too cold to spend much time outside, there aren't any special activities going on…  it wouldn't surprise me if we wind up spending the month primarily cooped up indoors finding ways to pass the time.  maybe it's not too early to compose a "things i want to do this late fall" list, provided i can come up with anything.