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| Dry seasons we will thirstThis has come up quite a few times in the past few weeks in discussions with friends... including myself... and the other night at a Christmas dinner we had a speaker talking about one of my favorite topics ever, This is not our HOME! Why the crap do we go through dry seasons? I was talking to a friend the other day and we both agreed on a highlight of our Christian walk back in 2004, and nothing seems the same since, we can't seem to get that moment back. we're not supposed to get that moment back I don't think, but thinking back on that moment in your life, the people in your life, the way you felt, what you were going through, how amazing the Lord was working in your life and using you and molding you. And all the sudden you don't feel it anymore. or at least not right now. Does this mean He isn't working in you? through you? shaping you? Have I shut my ears to His voice? Have I closed my heart to His love? Have I shut my eyes and allowed myself to have these judgemental eyes that definitely are not from Him? What is it that makes your mouth go dry.... when your mouth is dry, naturally you want a drink. But if you drink of His living water, you will never thirst again. right? So when did I stop drinking? Why did I stop? Ok, I know this is a little out there because I haven't stopped my walk with my Savior, nor I have I stopped seeing His small miracles in my every day life, but what was there in my heart 2 and a half years ago? And I know quite a few of you are feeling this way too. Maybe it wasn't 2004 for you, maybe it was last month? last weekend? 4 years ago? 10 years ago? I don't know. You still crave that close walk with your Creator. What is effecting it from happening? Is it stress? Is it work? School? Influences? Health? Uncertainty? Confusion? Failure? Fear? Materialism? Doubt? the feeling that you have it together without Him? You lay down at night... your head hits the pillow... and you wonder... how can I rewind time? You're not sure what's wrong or what you need to change but you know you're not comfortable. What is IT holding us in this place of complacency (for lack of better word)? Most of you will find out what a personal faith is when finished with school.... when you go on your own... no college organizations to draw you in, no crazy amounts of people at church to flock together right away in the place you always go to where you know they will all be, no university center to meet at for lunch, no counting on seeing dozens of your friends on campus asking each other how their day was.... definitely not saying this to bring anyone down but having done this, growing for the past year and learning what this is all about and definitely still learning every day, I have lived it. You learn more about why you believe what you do, you have more people test your faith than you could imagine, and from nowhere, you stand strong with the strength you had no idea was in you. You don't have anymore camp highs... youth group highs.... It's a different ride but a good one. You learn to take things day to day more than you ever have before. you won't get those college days back, but you will think of those days often. you will push forward and learn more about the abilities and the character God has created in you through those years of college which at the time you probably didn't even see was in you. you being to live to experience an every day high. you finally understand the meaning of "thankfully salvation is not based on feeling" .... you start realizing the hand of God in every day experiences.... you realize what it means to "taste and see that the Lord is good" and through that you come to where you can only say "not to us o Lord, not to us but to YOUR name be the glory.... because of Your LOVE and FAITFHULNESS alone...." and from your face hitting the ground, you and I thirst again. So many voices calling out to me
To sell me something, tell me what I need
But they don't know about the treasure I've found
A gift from heaven I can't live without
It's a kingdom and it's hidden deep inside
I will be living for much more than meets the eye 'Cause I need the deeper life
Where the love of God runs far and wide
I need the deeper life
I will give him all my heart and mind
I won't be swept away by every changing tide
I believe in the deeper life I've got my telephone, got my radio
I got a lotta places I can go
But where I wanna be is off the deep end
My Jesus meets me when I dive right in
Don't wanna slip slide on the surface of this life
My soul will search until this thirst is satisfied 'Cause I need the deeper life
Where the love of God runs far and wide
I need the deeper life
I will give him all my heart and mind
I won't be swept away by every changing tide
I believe in the deeper life.... ---Natlie Grant In the arms of Grace and on the journey for the deeper life,
I love you guys, Ginnie
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| The past week... what can I say. looking beyond work...
I could think of plenty of verses... PLENTY of songs.. to describe my thoughts and feelings. I have figured out that post-college life your thoughts just go full steam ahead... you realize even more what is important in this thing called life. I have plenty pictures all over the place... and you can only say so much to give that picture a caption... the memory of what happened at the time of the picture is what I can never forget... "who needs pictures with a memory like mine..." this is what I ask.
I remember the smiles and the way each of you have your special ways of making me laugh.
I remember the sparkle in the eyes while talking to me... I remember the tears...
I remember the conversations during the dances.
I remember special moments in conversations with my best friends from 8th grade.
I remember all of the inside jokes with friends.
I remember nights we laughed uncontrollably.
I remember where I was sitting and where you were sitting when we had a good conversation..
I remember the song that was playing when I fell asleep.
I remember the feeling in my stomach when I lost a friend.
I remember how happy my heart was to see God piece things back together.
I remember the day I finally got over my bitterness.
I remember the day two of my friends went into the services... the day I found out they were coming back home!
I remember how you taught me... how you've inspired me... how you've made me proud...
and among other things.... as I go day to day, I'm realizing I'm a little more grown up. Not grown up in the sense that I don't know how to have fun (I definitely wanted to go to the circus seriously) but here it is...
I have always been a face to face person... I'd rather drive hours to talk to you than spend 20 measly minutes on a phone. Spending time in company with someone is very important to me. Yesterday Amy and I drove out to sky ranch for prom.... I was kind of nervous... mainly because things have changed so much and there's such a new staff, we almost feel out of place. But thank You Lord.... I walked away feeling refreshed.. feeling at peace that I was not there this summer but absolutely overwhelmed in my heart with the friends that I have received from that amazing place and the children's lives that have impacted mine. I have been on my own in Dallas for 9 months... there have been times of loneliness you couldn't even imagine... times to where you may not talk to some of your close friends for months and think, ok what the crap? Did it really not mean anything? .... but be careful when you start thinking like that because I have learned you enjoy the moments right now with the people you have right now. It's not worth it to do it any other way... so... the quality conversations with some of my best friends over the weekend... time well wasted. Friends are coming to Dallas. More friends are growing and understanding where it is I have been this whole time and being pushed on their own... somehow, God keeps the hearts connected. And this is an amazing thing... I somehow look at the big blue sky and I am reminded no matter the physical distance, we are looking at the same big sky....... I will keep running... towards the future that is unknown... and I'm beginning to be ok with that... it's still a process and still an everyday thing to focus on but through brokenness, joy, honest and true friends, guidance, and excitement for life I will run... I will run hard but not too fast because I don't want to miss this moment He's given to me and me only, have you ever thought of that? no one else has the EXACT same life as you. What are you gonna do about it? Thanks for showing me your heart...
"It was time well wasted And there's no way I'd trade a few more things that I could've crossed off my list For a day I'll never forget No, I didn't get a thing done But I sure soaked up every minute of the memory we were makin' And I count it all as time well wasted" ---brad paisley | | |
| Lord move... or move me.
this is my prayer of the moment...
welp. sky ranch summer of 06 has been kicked off! how great it was to be a part of and how lucky i am to be in dallas at this moment close enough to visit when i want. still... after 4 years of being out there, i still find a lack of words to be able to describe the place, the people, the experience...
i stand in awe. let my words be few.... | | |
| shane and shane have always been some of my all time favorite worship leaders. i seriously think i could listen to their music all day long. i found one of my old shane and shane cd's the other day and started listening to it again... how what a blessing at the right time! i'm not sure how they do it... but the perfect words in the perfect songs somehow express everything i'm not sure how to say. so... these songs become my prayers. this specific song is about being human, and wanting to things of this world but oh how He is so much better.
there is a wicked man in me
wanting the wicked man's disease
fleeting pleasures, but pleasure indeed
oh Lord, take my envy of these things
and the prideful war within
take me to the place of sweet surrender
You are, You were, You will always be better!
this is a song of surrender
for whom have i but You?
You are, You are better
forever so much better than the world
You are my portion (Lord you are...)
You are my portion (my reward...)
You are my portion
my never ending, overflowing Lord
my reward
my reward
my portion, Lord!
You are Lord...
creator of created things
greatest personality
no ear has heard, no mind conceived
and though Your Spirit groans in me
and all creation sings of Your return
my feet are slipping, be my help
You are, You were, You will always be better!
i LOVE that song.... oh how many times do i thirst for things of this world and He speaks to me saying "I am your portion... I am all you need..." a lot has gone on since I have talked to many many many of you. But aside from all that.... last Sunday Amy and I went to visit Sky Ranch during staff training. Do you ever experience something or have so many stories to tell or express or something, but you have no idea what to do with it all and there aren't enough people to tell and even if you try saying it all, they won't quite understand it or care to listen. so you go through all this with it bottled in and at the same time wanting to scream from a rooftop? well... that's me right about now. To put it simply, what a blessing it was to my heart to see many friends, old ones too, and the changes and growth going on at sky ranch. oh how i love that place. this passion is eating me up... although I was a Christian way before working at the camp, the 3 years of working there had more to do with my growth than anything. the friends i've made there who are scattered now... the bosses i had who have the hugest hearts of anybody i know... the kids that i have been able to work with for 3 yrs (many of who i keep in contact with) ...anyways, it's been pretty difficult not being there for this summer but how incredibly thankful i am for being so close at this moment to be able to go visit. last sunday alone was huge for me getting to talk to so many people and having the people around that matter so much to my life. these friends have taught me so much about how to love, how to laugh, and how to be real.
i will be going back to visit again tomorrow... first day of camp 06! ... be my portion Lord, without You I am nothing. There is nothing better... everything I think I want or need amount to nothing compared to my thirst for You..... for Your words to be more than a page, for Your whisper to be so much more than that.. for my heart doesn't only believe but my eyes have seen.... for You alone are good... wherever i may end up, whatever i end up doing, He goes before me... pray. pray hard... take my world apart. | | |
| I'm at a loss for words, there's nothing to say
I sit in silence wondering what led me to this place
How did my heart become so lifeless and cold
Where did the passion go?
When all my efforts seem like chasing wind
I've used up all my strength and there's nothing left to give
I've lost the feeling and I'm down to the core
I can't fake it anymore.
Here I am at the end I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again
You speak and all creation falls to its knees
You raise Your hand and calm the waves of the raging sea
You have a way of turning winter to spring
Make something beautiful out of all this suffering
Here I am once again I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again
You have a way of turning winter to spring
Make something beautiful out of all this suffering... ---Nicol Sponberg
she sings it all too perfectly.... "i waited patiently for the Lord... He heard my cry..." | | |
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