I hate it when I can’t do something right and I let everyone down. I have come to the conclusion that I don’t have friends anymore all I have is Paul, don’t get me wrong he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me but I miss the friends I used to hang out with, the ones that I loved the most. I don’t know what happened I think along the way I just stopped caring about what happened between me and my friends. I do I miss Ash like crazy she’s like a sister to me but it feels like we’ve both grown up and matured and not together, we both have separate things going on in our lives that I feel like have just torn us apart, and there’s not really anything that I can do or want to do about it right now. B, god girl I don’t know what happened we were so tight and then one day something changed, the whole boy thing in general was a bad time for us but we got over it and now it feels like Kayley took you away from me and I hate HATE her for it, that’s why the thought of us never occurs to me is that your out with her and shes just not a person I can stand so easily. I have a lot going on at home, my grades are way better so me and my mom get along every other day now and I think that’s a start hopefully it’ll run a lot longer than normal. I hate my dad lately the reality of him really gone is setting in especially when my mom complains about him not paying for anything, well he does have 3 other kids a fiancee and a dog to look after now, me and my sister are sort of out of the picture. I think that’s kinda the reason I’m playing soccer now is so that he still sees me and not just those three kids, but they also plays and he will continue coaching them. I hate him for, it was mine and his thing and now he has three other girls to share it with, fuck him I don’t need him. Paul, he is so much of the good in my life its so scary to me at times. He’s the only thing good I have to look forward to in my day, my classes suck, I have no friends anymore, me and my mom don’t always get along, and I have this growing hatred towards my father, the one to never yell at me or rationalize the things I go through he could sit down and talk to me without me being a child or someone that’s stupid like my mother often calls me. We affectionately refer to her a ‘nazi’ just cause some days she resembles one more so than a mother. So anyway I let Paul down today and didn’t take a half day not that I didn’t want to I just don’t want trouble with my mother and if she found out there would be hell to pay so I’m just avoiding it before it happens, then Friday I forgot I had a kids night before I told him I could go to the movies which was dumb planning on my part but then I also am dragging him out Saturday too, to something that he doesn’t even want to go to. So that’s my life so far and that’s about as good as it gets.