Currently Listening Summer in Abaddon By Pinback see related

    Stop its to late im feeling frustrated i see no sign of fortress....

i have lost myself. im not that same person i used to be. i think about him everyday theres always something that comes up and causes him to cross my mind or think of a time with him, i absoultely hate it. I admit i was scared of "love" or just getting in a deeper relationship i freeked out and broke up with him. i could blame it on being young, not thinking more into it and what i really wanted, not thinking of the consiquences, not thinking of him......i think i am a selfish person i think i expect everyone to listen to my problems and give me sympathy but when im put in the situation to listen i dont think im good at it or the sympathy part. I think i can see rite through people and just label them off  of their looks, well i need to quit that and gossiping thats for sure. i want to be so many things but they all seem so impossible that i dont evan want to try.  im lazy i dont do anything anymore. photography and art havent been on my mind for awhile and homework i put aside, all thats been on my mind since summer is my old friends. i just cant see myself without them. I dont know if in a few months ill still be friends with some of them or if were never going to be close again. I think about the good times all the time i want more to come even though it feels like thats impossible with my friends being gone. its karma i swear i screw trent over by not thinking and then i get screwed over by my girl friends and then my mom finds out about me drinking.in away though i think it was God working in my life cause it made me able to make friends at school. thats nice to yeah but i love and miss my old friends so much more. i guess thats life and i need to stop trusting people. the only person you can depend on in this life is yourself. i can honestly say im sad about alot of things right now im regreting alot and i could say im going to get over it but thats just a lay and i keep telling myself to just puch aside my problems and move on through life with a smile on my face but its so hard and its like i dont want to move on cause i still want it back, i want what i cant have and in the back of my mind i feel like i can get it back. im putting this in Gods hands.

i miss them more then anything in the entire world

ive finally ralized ive been being someone im not for a very long time. thats why i felt like part of me has died but im bringing that me out again if people like it or not. =D

i feel good again and thats a good thing. so i hope it stays longer then before.

Currently Listening The Drinks We Drank Last Night By Azure Ray see related

i never did put more of those new york pictures up
oh well

i had so much fun last night unfortunately i cant tell you what i did or who i was with but it was fun =)

"real world rode rules challeng resturaunt" hahahaha

i love my life and its been so great lately all ive been thinking is "something bad is going to happen soon" but i dont want to live my life in fear of whats to come so im trying to stop thinking like that and just enjoy the goodness while its hear and be glad that i can enjoy my life.

this is a picture i drew just because and i like it alot.
you can comment if you like

my relationship with my parents has gotten alot better lately
my sister has been with us for 3 months and now shes leeving friday =(
i got asked to homecomming thursday it was cute.

im still hoping a sertain someone will ask me to lakes thouhg =\
but we cant get everything we want now can we?

Currently Listening Adventure By Be Your Own Pet see related

i got my myspace back

i know what your thinking

i got my cards read last night

the first was a love card it said "happy family,friendship.....success & happiness in love."

second was the positive male card"brown hair,hazel eyes,stabled and secure. trustworthy,successful" she said this is going to be a boy or man who will enter my life in the next 3 to 4 months who will be a positive male in my life?

third was lifes journey "Success in both love &work. Good health.optimistic future."

fourth was lifes hourney again "A more down to earth phase of life. Growth, creativity and new beginnings." this card i liked alot

fifth card was love "Leave it behind. it is time to walk away and start again. take a more positive direction. dissappointment, change." i dont like that card

the sixth was just a vacation card and i am going on vacation next month

the seventh and eigth i cant see (i took a picture of the cards)

the last card was lifes journey "A new phase in life. new experiences. Importance of trust and faith. a new adventure."

So theres going to be alot of new  this up comming year and im excited.

ive been in new york for a week and boy was it a blast theres to many inside jokes and amazing fun things that went down that i dont feel like telling all of you.i went to nicoles for two nights when i came back now im finally home

i really would like a best friend but really i dont think ill ever have a best friend that isnt a guy. witch makes me sad but maybe that will change too? lately ive been feeling overwhelemed,excited,and i dont know lost in myself. the cards were right about the trust issue i really do feel i cant trust anyone cause everyone has such big mouths who really is there to trust?  in new york i told bekah about what happend in 4-5 grade and i just felt like i did something wrong like maybe i didnt do anough i think i need a sycologist for it but no one ever said i did i trust bekah because she trusts me with her shit. i dont think theres alot of people who trust me maybe thats why i dont trust alot of people? i just relized something though me not having a best friend thats a female is a good thing i think and i never relized it till now. is that it just adds more drama into your life they will either end up likeing the same guy, or they will start copying off of you, or they will start putting you in the shadow. im glad i have so many friends. writing helped

these arnt that great but i kinda like them

ill update later im going to bed

Currently Listening Creedance Clearwater Revival: Two Disc Set see related

the first person i saw this summer was burjus and trent
malissas party
devons house =)
- BUFFALO - canadian tea at church ha - zack tripping devon in the parking lot HAHAHAHA - getting kicked off the bed  - imagining colton streaking and me running into him with a bike? i dont know ask devon - devon driving and geting stuck on a frggn log - bees attacking me when im locked outside of the car - spunge balls - little girl at big lots lol - and one thing i learned from this experience is that im to hyper for some PEOPLE!!!!! eh hem cough cough - one last thing TRISTAN <33333333333333333333333333333333333333333 mmmmm

the MAMAS came over after devons on the way home we went to tops and bought to large egg cartons and.......A DOUCHE! hahahahaha then we got brokeback mountian and totally saw heath ledgers wiener, that movie sucked though. we snuck out at like 3 in the morning and only egged 3 hours then we ended up egging eachother. oh yeah how could i forget we had a douche/water fight hahaha alicia and alyssa got the douches out and started squirting me and megan so me and megan got the hose in my basement and won. uhhh we went to subway/acme the next day we bought hair dye for alyssa and alcisecer tablets "OK GIRLS STOP LOOKING AT THE MAKEUP YOU HAVE A SCIENCE PROJECT TO DO" "WHERE IS THE DAMN INGREDIANTS" hahaha gay woman we died alyssas hair it look really good and we stole a grocery cart from acme then we went to water works and went home.

thats not a booger its the egg

look at my dick tongue

alicias photography lol

alyssas new hair

hahaha