| bulimia is the most embarrassing thing ever..
and whats worse is i do it to myself.
last night, i did my whole binge, then "go take a shower" and purge, then shower.
well. for some reason dorm toliets suck at flushing... so 6 flushes later. it finally all goes down. i stayed in the bathroom with my blowdryer running an extra 30minutes because i was crying and didnt want to come out.
it sucks because ill do fine all day, and then late at night it hits me. and i binge like crazy. which was fine until our new neighbor moved in. because our hall had been really private and quiet. and now there are always people passing through. wanting to use my bathroom. which is a really private place for me. |
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| fuckthe other day i backed up the toliet.
there is nothing more embarrassing than living in a dorm, and backing up the toliet with your own vomit because you are fat.
how do you explain that to people?
thank god my room mate was in class and she and i are the only ones in the hall who use that bathroom.
on the other hand, ive been having serious anxiety problems to the point where i cannot sleep, and when i finally do i wake up every 15 minutes in a panic. oh well. i guess the more im awake the more cals i burn?
also the guy in charge of the gym here hasnt put me on the list to use it yet, and its too cold/snowy/icy to go for walks or runs anymore.
i seriously think everything would be better if i went home. things werent this bad at home.
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| so it finally happened.
i had been entertaining myself after eating with the thought of throwing up. "if i just throw it up, itll be like it didnt happen again, and i wouldnt feel so bad. i could just get rid of it all"
and then today, up up and away it went while my room mate was in class.
this cant become an everyday thing again. but i cant continue to look this way |
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| back?ok, so i havent been on this site in a year. but i look at my past subscriptions and realized that a lot of you still use it so i think im going to get started again.
i know that since i havent been on this site in a long time, that all of my subscribers have probably stopped watching me. but if by anychance you see this, id like to become part of this community again.
i am now 18, in college and find myself falling back into my old patterns now that I am alone and so far away from home. plus the whole freshman 15 scares the daylights out of me.
sorry this is so rambled and weird .
but please update me on how yall are doing!
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